I notice he doesn't bring up the real feelings, but too much has already been said.
45
We linger in the trees, talking about nothing and everything, for what feels like hours. It's hard to tell time in this unfamiliar place, but the big red moon eventually rises and disappears into the trees once more, and we remain where we're at. Kassam tells me stories, like he does every night. He tells me about the other gods, about Aron of the Cleaver, who was a butcher in a town long, long ago and was so bloodthirsty and fierce that the High Father raised him to become the battle god. He tells me about Tadekha, the Lady of Magic, who is obsessed with her own importance and created all kinds of complicated rules for magic users to limit who could receive her blessings. He tells me of the Fates, who are either represented by spiders (or are spiders, it's hard to tell) and how they choose to live on the mortal plane when the other gods reside in their own secret planes. He tells me of the Great Endless Forest, his home, and when he opened it to the fae. He tells me of the conmac leader, an arrogant-sounding asshole who took every impossible task that Kassam assigned him and completed it, earning his wolf-skin.
My own stories feel small and stupid in comparison, but I share them anyhow. He especially likes the story about the time my mom went to a psychic fair and stormed away, angry, because she realized they were not all psychics. He enjoys my bartending tales, but when I mention my endless projects that I've bailed out on or the relationships I abandoned, he simply tsks at me. "Do not sell yourself short, my Carly. Just because you did not finish these unimportant things, it does not mean you are worthless. You will finish the job when the time is right."
And that makes me go quiet, because I think about the death god again, and my thread, fraying beyond all repair. That's a problem for Tomorrow-Carly, though. Tonight-Carly just wants to linger in Kassam's arms for a little longer. Eventually, though, even the birds settle down to sleep and it grows chilly. I tap Kassam's hand. "I should get back. If you're attacking tomorrow, I need to get those messages drafted and give people time to leave. If they have kids they might need more time, or livestock…"
"Stay a while," Kassam tells me, resting his chin atop my head as he hugs me close. "We can delay one more day. It will give our armies time to rest up, the innocent time to flee, and time for Riekki to sweat. One more day will not matter."
He's delaying this just so we can gaze up at the stars a bit longer? That secret romantic side to Kassam is strong indeed. So I relax in his arms. "Being together like this is my favorite time of day," I admit. "I don't mind staying a little longer."
Kassam chuckles, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. "It is strange, I thought that hedonism would need to be fed as it has in the past—with parties, wine, and partners." He pauses. "Many, many partners—"
"Okay now," I cut in. Not sure I want to hear about all the people he's fucked over millennia.
"—but I find my soul is quietest when I am here with you, just talking and surrounded by the trees." He wraps me in another hug. "Strange, because I have never thought of myself as lonely, but having you with me just feels…whole. Does that make sense?"
In a way, it does. It makes me feel good to hear that just being with me brings him happiness. I don't think anyone (other than my mother) has said the same. I try to imagine what it's going to be like for me, if the gods won't let me stay. If I go back home to Mom, she'll be thrilled. And I'll be…without Kassam. Returning to a gray, gray world without a laughing hedonism god.
I try not to think about that too hard. Kassam wants me to stay, after all. And if my thread frays…
Kassam shifts his weight, smoothly pulling me behind him in a single move. "Someone approaches."
"Oh?" I blanch as a horrid thought occurs to me. "Not Seth, I hope? I'm not ready to see his ass again."
He lifts his head, sniffing the air like one of the conmac. "Not Seth. Female."
"Hellooooo," calls out a voice. "I come in peace!"
Margo. How she managed to get out of Seth's clutches is surprising to me, but I don't move from my spot hidden behind Kassam. If Margo is working with Seth, I could be in just as much danger from her as from him. All the trust I had in the world kinda died the moment I did, and I touch the stitches in my chest that are a constant reminder that I'm not safe here. "What does she want?"
"We will know soon enough, little light. I won't let any harm come to you." He keeps me tucked behind him and reaches back to give me a reassuring pat…that lands right on my ass. I shouldn't be surprised at that. "Stay back and let me deal with her."
He doesn't have to tell me twice. I remain hidden behind him, watching as a white-cloaked figure tromps through the forest to get to us. I wince at every twig breaking, at every rustle of leaves, at every crunch of footsteps on the ground. Margo does not know how to be stealthy in the slightest…or Kassam is making things difficult for her. As I watch a vine catch on her cloak and she pauses to pull it free, I suspect it's a little of both.
The moment Margo notices us, she lowers her hood and gives us a bright smile. She looks a little different than when I saw her last. A little more disheveled, a little more windblown. Her hair is a mess and she isn't wearing a stitch of makeup, but her smile is bright with enthusiasm as she looks at the two of us. "Hi there! How are things?"
"What do you want?" Kassam asks, glaring at her as she tries to peek around his shoulder to see me.
"Um, I wanted to say hi to Carly." Her brows draw together at Kassam, and then she looks at me, grinning in bizarre solidarity. "This guy, am I right?" She finds the nearest waist-high root and awkwardly hops up on it, then swings her legs as she looks at us. "I thought I'd come over and say hi since tomorrow's the big day and all?"
"The day after," Kassam corrects. "Carly wishes to save all the innocent from the city. We need one of Seth's messengers to spread the word."
Margo looks surprised. She leans heavily in an obvious effort to peer in my direction. "Carly can't speak for herself?"
"It depends," I interject. "Am I going to get stabbed again?"
She grimaces, toying with her cloak and straightening her bright purple skirt. Her boots look sturdy, her clothes of a good make despite the fact that they're travel-stained. Clearly she's not suffering by traveling with Seth. "So that was him being shitty, I totally agree. I had nothing to do with it, though."
"But you still serve," Kassam points out.
Margo gives me an entreating, helpless look. "What am I supposed to do? I have to if I want to go home again."
She's got a point. I pat Kassam's protective arms and step out from behind him. "Just tell us what you want, Margo."
For a moment, a desolate look crosses her face. "I wanted to chat with you, actually. Sometimes it gets lonely being surrounded by a bunch of religious zealots who have never heard of Earth. I figured you and me, we're kinda in this together. We could commiserate."
Maybe I'm an idiot, but I believe her. "It's okay, Kassam," I whisper, even as he glares at her. "We'll talk for a few minutes and then we can send her back to Seth's camp with our plans. We had to talk to someone over there anyhow, right?"