I hand her the card, sweep her hair off her neck, and press a kiss to her cheek, lingering till the soft flutter of her breath whooshes across my jaw.
Then I leave her at the bar.
She may have played me, but I’m a master of the game. I romance men and women every single damn week.
Bellamy Hart won’t know what’s hit her.
10
Catch Me If You Can
From the Email Correspondence of Bellamy Hart and Easton Ford
* * *
Dear Mr. Ford,
* * *
It was a pleasure meeting you last night. I greatly appreciate your time and consideration of my request. I eagerly await the opportunity to share more details on my prospective profile of you. There is a lovely coffee shop on Madison and 73rd called Doctor Insomnia’s. We could have a cup of tea or coffee and discuss my proposal.
* * *
Sincerely,
Bellamy Hart
Dear Ms. Hart,
* * *
Do you like chocolate?
* * *
Sincerely,
Your Most Worthy Adversary
Dear Self-Dubbed Most Worthy Adversary,
* * *
You tell me. Do I?
* * *
I have no doubt you researched me six ways to this Sunday morning. Dare I wager you even looked me up the moment I departed last night? I’d certainly bet good money you already know the answer to your question.
* * *
Sincerely,
Bellamy
* * *
P.S. Why must we be adversaries? Can’t we simply be two people who want something from each other? I want to share fascinating stories with my audience, and you want to tell your tale.
Dear Person from Whom I Want Something,
* * *
See above salutation. It just doesn’t have the same ring as Your Worthy Adversary. Though, I do very much want something from you.
* * *
Sincerely,
Your One Hundred and One Millionth Newest Fan
* * *
P.S. Your podcast is scintillating. Congrats on one million listens. Why didn’t you tell me about it before? Say, on the night we met? Might have been nice to know who I was dealing with. Not Daisy but rather . . . Your Most Devoted Romance Guide.
Dear Newest Fan,
* * *
You never answered my question, so I shall ask again. Did you look me up the second I left?
* * *
Sincerely,
Your Most Devoted Guide to Romance
* * *
(That’s what my fans call me. You can just call me Romance Goddess, though, if you wish. Some call me that too.)
* * *
P.S. I also researched you.
Dear Romance Goddess,
* * *
What a fitting greeting.
* * *
Of course you researched me, and of course I researched you. It’s what people like you and me do. Yes, I know you like chocolate and old standards. But the thing is, we don’t always say in our online bios who we truly are. That is, indeed, the crux of Carpe Diem’s existence. So, since you didn’t answer, I ask again—do you like chocolate?
* * *
Sincerely,
Just call me . . . The Guy Who Got Away
Dear . . . But Are You, Though?
* * *
I didn’t lie in my bio. I adore chocolate. Also, cake is cool. So is ice cream. But not all sweets and treats are created equally. Some I like so much more than others. Sort of like . . . suitors.
* * *
Sincerely,
A Chocolate Devotee—and in this area, I absolutely play favorites
Dear Chocolate Devotee,
* * *
We can play it one of two ways. I can ask your favorite kind of chocolate, or I can agree to your request and learn your preference firsthand at Lulu’s Chocolates at two o’clock tomorrow. I’m a gentleman, though, so I’ll ask whether that time works for you.
* * *
But the part of me that’s not a gentleman is very much looking forward to discovering which kind of chocolate you crave most. Especially since I knew you played favorites. And I’ll enclose my phone number below should you ever want it.
* * *
Sincerely,
A Fellow Devotee
Dear Such a Gentleman,
* * *
I will be there at two. And I suppose we’ll see if you can discover my favorite flavor. Or if I have one at all.
And here’s my number too.
* * *
Sincerely,
* * *
The One You’ll Keep Chasing Even Though You Can’t Catch Me
11
Bellamy Hart’s Planning Notes for A Million Frogs . . .
Is there an undo-that-email-I-sent-fifteen-minutes-ago button? If not, there should be some recourse for delayed email regret.
If this were a rom-com, there would now be a scene where I sneak into the hero’s house, find his answering machine, and savagely destroy it with a hammer.
Alas, one of the hardships of the digital age is that you cannot destroy a digital message with a digital hammer.
Tomorrow I will do better.
I will not flirt with that cocky fucker who has a way with words.
12
Panties in a Twist
My reconnaissance continues on Sunday night as I head to a small club in Tribeca to see a band with my friends.
I’m the first to arrive. I always am.
Everything in life is a negotiation, so I strategize for every advantage. May the odds be ever in my favor.
But how to tip the scales my way with Bellamy Hart? Yes, I listened to a couple episodes of her podcast today at the gym, her too pretty, too sensual purr in my head as I ran faster, lifted harder. I researched her online too—she studied music and English lit at a prestigious school in New England, she loves Manhattan in autumn, and she started her show five years ago, then licensed it earlier this year to The Dating Pool, a popular site for dating advice.