When she straightened, Hawk wasn’t in the room any longer.
Over at the wooden smoker, Hawk checked the state of the salmon strips there. Because he needed something for his hands to do.
Jesus, he’d sent her right into a fucking panic attack. What the fuck had he been thinking? That she was interested in him?
Not hardly. She tolerated him because of Aric, because her kid needed him. She might even like him in a friendly way. Not because she saw him as a man.
Pretty fucking familiar, wasn’t it?
He rubbed at the ache in his chest. He hadn’t intended to scare her, but hell, it seemed that she saw him as being as terrifying as her rapists.
Most women did.
The knowledge was bitter. Because he…liked her. Liked everything about her, from the haunted brown eyes to the thin, callused hands. The way she adored her kid and the unhappiness she showed when she had to accept charity.
He liked her spirit, her courage…and yeah, he was a guy, so he’d noticed the sweet breasts, the curve of her hips. He wanted her in his bed, under him and over him. If she wanted to sit on his face, he’d be all for it.
Instead, he’d scared her into nearly puking.
Now, every time she looked at him, she’d want to run—be looking for those escape routes she’d just learned.
Way to go, asshole.
A minute later, he heard Aric’s high little voice. Over at his house, they were leaving. Obviously, Kit wasn’t sticking around to eat pancakes.
He pulled in a slow breath, unhappiness settling like an unbalanced load in his gut. The Hermitage was home, his sanctuary, but Kit needed to be here. She didn’t have anywhere else to go while she finished recovering.
She wouldn’t accomplish much healing with him here, scaring her.
Aric was pretty much back to normal. If he had his mom, he’d be fine. Hawk wasn’t his security blanket any longer.
No point in hanging around, was there? He let out an unhappy sigh. Time to go shut up the house and get his ass out of here.
That evening, Kit was still waiting for Hawk to return.
A while after her panic attack, before she’d mustered the courage to find him, she’d heard a motor in the courtyard. She’d run outside to see his plane taking off from the lake. Water streamed off the floats and glittered in the sunlight.
Now, supper over, the Hermitage people—except Hawk—were in the gazebo, having drinks.
And singing.
She really did love the musical evenings. Regan, who was learning violin, and Audrey, who was new to the guitar, joined in on the easy tunes. JJ occasionally played her flute.
Between Caz’s knees, Aric “helped” him drum.
Oddly enough, her son didn’t seem concerned about Hawk’s absence, which was such a relief. If he’d started crying for Hawk, she might have joined in.
Boy, she’d really messed up.
Hawk had been trying to help her. Giving her advice, being blunt and teasing as a friend would.
Then she’d gone and hugged him and touched him. Like, in a sexy way. Because she was…interested…in him.
Talk about stupid. No guy wanted another man’s dirty leftovers.
And she was definitely used goods. She swallowed, feeling as if she’d rolled around in the chicken yard and everyone could smell the filth covering her skin.
Hawk probably could too.
To complete her humiliation, she’d had an ugly meltdown right in front of him. How absolutely pitiful. If he hadn’t already realized she was damaged, she’d sure made it clear.
No wonder he’d walked out of the house.
As they were finishing up another song, multiple phones chimed with incoming text messages. Gabe, Bull, and Caz checked their cells.
When Bull scowled, Frankie asked, “What?”
“Seems Hawk’s taken an undercover job down in South America for a friend who needed a pilot and extra guard.”
Guilt swept over Kit, darkening her world like the blackest of nights.
It was her fault.
He’d left his family—his home—to escape her.
“If he’s undercover, he won’t get in touch until after it’s over,” Caz said.
Gabe’s brows drew together in annoyance. “It doesn’t say when he’ll be back.” After making a growling sound, he shook his head and texted something back.
“What did you say?” Audrey asked, leaning against his shoulder. “Nothing too angry…?”
“No, Goldilocks.” Gabe sighed. “Although I might pound on him a while when he gets back.”
Bull chuckled. “Good luck with that.”
With a rueful smile, Gabe flipped him off, then turned his attention back to Audrey. “I just sent him what Mako used to say whenever Hawk took off from the old cabin.”
“Of course.” Smiling slightly, Caz looked up to where the mountains met the sky and said softly, “Soar high, ’mano.”
Chapter Thirteen
Each time women gather in circles with each other the world heals a little more. ~ Unknown
Almost a week later, Kit was getting ready for her group session at the counseling center. She still wasn’t comfortable with it, but the anxiety was decreasing. Sitting on the bed, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a loose top—one that would survive tears.
She walked down the hallway and out onto the deck. JJ had volunteered to watch Aric along with Regan, and her son was already over at Caz’s house. Or not. She spotted JJ and Regan on the patio, but Aric was…
Aric was near the dock, although not past the yellow line Gabe had spray-painted on the grass. The no-children-past-this-line boundary.
Holding a maroon-colored blob—a stuffed animal or something—her son stood, staring at the dock. As he had, several times a day, since Hawk had left.
Like her, he was probably seeing the bare place where the floatplane should be.
Shoulders slumping, Aric shoved the maroon object into the hoodie’s kangaroo pocket and trudged up to the house and onto the deck.
“Hawk didn’t come home, Mama.” The tears in his eyes simply broke her heart into pieces.
Damn Hawk anyway. How could he do this to her baby?
Dropping into a deck chair, she pulled Aric close, hearing the almost silent sobs.
Tears filled her own eyes. “Hawk will be back, honey. I know he will.”
But maybe not soon, and little boys of four years didn’t understand time. Days flashed past for her. For Aric, the hours were so very long.
Damn you, Hawk.
She wanted to hit him for every single tear her son cried. But how much of this was her fault? He wouldn’t have left his home and his brothers if she hadn’t been so very stupid. How could she blame him for escaping from an awkward situation?
If only he’d call so she could explain.
Yeah right. Hawk—have an uncomfortable conversation on a phone? That would happen about never. And Gabe had mentioned if Hawk was undercover, he wouldn’t call home.
“Hey, Aric,” Regan yelled from next door. “C’mon. We’re gonna look for tadpoles.”
Kit lifted her head and saw JJ watching with an understanding expression. Yes, she’d undoubtedly been in the same position—unable to help a heart-wounded child.