I headed past the signs for the ski resort, heading up the Lothwell Road, which was softly colored with thousands of tiny lights and a display in the shape of a dog with a wagging tail outside the veterinarian office. I’d like a dog one day, maybe that should go on my list for our new life. Bailey, a family, a dog.
“I love that dog,” he said as we passed by, but I didn’t stop. There were five possibilities on the list from the realtor, but one of them had resonated with me; and I took a left, passing the church and then on and around the community center, up a slippery incline, until finally we were there. The house was in darkness, no Christmas lights, no tree in the window -- the only house on the road that hadn’t been decorated for the season. The owners had moved out a few months before, retiring from their ownership of Wishing Tree Antiques to live with their son in Florida. I couldn’t believe it was available to buy, not realizing how much I wanted it until I’d seen it online. I’d already set the wheels in motion, and all being well, it would be mine before Christmas. Janine at Wishing Tree Realty told me she’d push her hardest to get it done quickly, and given I was paying cash with no loans at all, I hoped against hope that it would be soon.
“Here,” I said, and opened the gate, both of us stepping through.
“It’s sad this place isn’t all lit up,” Bailey observed, and flexed his fingers in mine. I wasn’t sure if he was asking me to let him go, but I didn’t want to. This place was important to me and my future, and so it was important to Bailey—at least I hoped it would be. “But Mom said that Linda sent some photos of a sunset in the Keys, and they’re happy with their sunshine. I couldn’t imagine living somewhere hot all the time.”
“You’re a child of winter,” I murmured, not sure where I’d heard that line before, thinking it was something to do with Wuthering Heights, but instead of snow, it was storms. Bailey was made for the snow, an angel with his curls and his starshine eyes. “Come on.”
“What?”
“I’m buying this place,” I said as we walked up the winding path.
“It would be a good investment,” Bailey agreed, and peered in one of the darkened windows. “I love this house.”
“Not as an investment, but to live in. It’s far enough from town that I get privacy, and it’s close enough to town that I can walk in and get coffee and visit with family. Also, it’s on a dead-end road, comes with land and security, and it just feels right.”
“Kai—”
“Do you remember when we were kids that they would let us use the hill behind to toboggan?”
“I do, but—”
“And that time we had teamed up in the snowman competition, and we won? You were only seven, I think—”
“Kai—stop!”
I waited for him to work through the shock.
“You’re buying a house to live in. This house?” he finally asked.
It seemed like the most important question I would ever be asked, and part of me wished I’d rehearsed what I was going to say at this moment.
I turned to face him, taking our joined hands out of the pocket, and pressing my lips to his forehead. “I’m buying the house.” He glanced from where I’d kissed his hand, then back up to my face. “It’s all about family,” I began, “I mean, not just my family, but being close to Dad, and being there when the baby is born, being an uncle, maybe taking the boys to hockey, Alice and Emma as well, if that is what they want to do. I want all of that. But also, this is the perfect house where I can start a family of my own, kids maybe. With you. If you were interested in a former hockey player who messed up everything.” I was steps ahead of him, sure in my love for him, certain I wanted a future with him, but I had to give him time to catch up—if he was ever going to.
His mouth fell open, then he closed his eyes, and I got the sense he was shutting down, and at any moment, he’d be backing away, so I held his hand tight and willed him not to run.
“Bailey?”
“I don’t know. How can I be sure that, with your career done, I’m not some kind of consolation prize?” He sounded broken, and I had to make him see how things in my life had converged at this moment, in Wishing Tree, with Bailey at my side.
“I bought the house for me. I’m staying for me,” I said quickly. “Because I want to start a new life back where I belong—here in Wishing Tree—with the man I… with you. I hope you might be part of it.”
“This is so sudden; I didn’t even know that—”
“When I came home before and you’d talk to me, you wouldn’t treat me like a brother, and I would flirt and there was something there. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“Wait? You flirted?”
“I know I wasn’t very good at it, and I know I fucked up when I pushed you away at the barbecue, but can you at least tell me I have a hope here, and that the wish you made actually still means something?”
“I don’t know, I don’t…” He did back off then, and I let him step away from me even though I wanted to tug him back. I needed to win him around, convince him that we could be perfect together, but also, I understood all the barriers that stood in our way.
“What if I say no? What if I’m not interested?” His tone was dead, and I wished I knew what he was thinking.
“Then, I’ll be super lonely in our new house.” I tried for funny, but his lips thinned.
“This isn’t our house; we don’t have our anything right now.”
“I was joking, sorry. I’m confused and worried that you’re going to leave, and whatever you say, this is the place I’m buying. I’m staying in town. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here flirting with you, and hopefully kissing you, until maybe one day, you’ll start to love me back.”
He shook his head, and then stared up at the house.
“I don’t know what is happening here,” he murmured.
“I have a key,” I said, and dug into my pocket. “I’ve paid rent up until Christmas, and I’m not moving in until it’s mine, but I have the key so I can show you something.”
I unlocked the wide front door that was protected from the icy snow and cold by a porch that wrapped around the entire building. The house itself was a hundred years old, additions to the left and right of what had once been a smaller place, with an attic conversion I wanted to show Bailey. He followed me in, checking around as I flicked the switch for lights, knowing the utilities were turned on to prevent frozen pipes and for security. For the time being, he appeared to have forgotten that I’d confused the hell out of him, and I’d take that as a win.
“This way.” I took his hand again, and he didn’t pull away, letting me lead him up to the stairs to the second floor. “It has four bedrooms on this floor, two bathrooms, a study that has floor-to-ceiling shelves that could be made into a library, and then there’s this.” I opened the door to the stairs leading up to the attic conversion, not turning on the main light, and instead we picked our way up and into the wide space that had been created up there. The roof had a row of huge skylights, and I tugged Bailey to the middle of the space.