“I’m not hiding,” I reminded him. I was an introverted observer, happy to watch what was going on, and that was not my definition of hiding. Introversion was not a character flaw. I didn’t need to pick myself up, or talk with confidence, or try harder, or join in all the time. I needed my brothers to recall that without me reminding them.
Bailey’s so sweet. So shy. Adorable. Like a puppy. Is he special ed? Why doesn’t he talk to anyone? What is he doing in his workshop all day? Is there something wrong with him? He needs to get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or just friends would be good.
Observation was my happy space, and anyway, I was the family’s official photographer, and that was what mattered to me, capturing images as the entire family put on skates, adults, and kids alike, and headed out to skate. I’d walked the entire perimeter, snapping photos, capturing smiles, and waving at people who waved at me, and I was happy.
“Come on, Uncle Bailey!” Alice demanded.
I shook my head with a smile. Not even my niece could get me out there into the loud chaos. Duncan skated back from me a little, then spun Alice around and stopped by me again.
“You sure you don’t want to skate, Bails?”
“I’m happy here,” I repeated, and made a show of sipping my whipped cream-topped hot chocolate. At least when it was a family member who hassled me, I could say no and mean it—not that they listened to me all the time, but at least I could speak with some confidence to them. Back in the shadows of snow-covered trees, I didn’t have to talk to anyone, and that was fine with me.
Duncan left, and within seconds, there was Lucas, officially brother number three in birth order. After a moment’s pause, where I could see him trying to come up with a reason why I should’ve been skating, where there was already a ton of goofing off and causing mayhem, he gave a patented big brother sigh.
“It’s not worth asking you again, is it?” he said.
In reply, I reached for the snow piled at the back of the bench and threw a loose snowball at his face. He spluttered but had no way of getting me back. Yet. I knew it would only be a matter of time.
“I’ll get you for that,” he muttered.
“I’ll be ready,” I said, with a tilted chin.
He grinned at me, because the four Haynes boys had epic snowball fights, and as the smallest, I could also be the sneakiest. He skated off, and had only been gone a few seconds, when Callum was there, the most serious of all of us.
He was the eldest of the four Haynes brothers, and the one who took most interest in the town, and me. He was the brother who’d done college on a baseball scholarship, then come back with his shiny law degree and hung his shingle outside the old bank.
“I’m fine, I don’t want to skate,” I said before Callum even opened his mouth, and then I was the one who backed away, heading for fresh hot chocolate, and enjoying the small display of angels that Mr. Clarence’s class had apparently made for the event. New chocolate in hand, I wandered away from the pond, thinking of maybe finding another bench to sit on. The path back to town was quiet, and I could find a space off the trail, close my eyes, and breathe in the cold air, then open them to revel in the beauty that was snow-covered Wishing Tree. I turned in a full circle, tilting my head back and capturing a fluttering snowflake on my tongue, laughing at the silliness of it all, and feeling so much peace as I sipped on my hot chocolate and managed to get cream all over me.
“Hi Angel.”
My heart skipped in shock.
I’m imaging the voice. I knew I should never have thought about Kai because I was hearing ghostly voices. Idiot. He’s not a ghost. For some godforsaken reason, he’s here. I didn’t turn to face him. I didn’t have to. The voice was loud in the muffled silence of the snow.
“It’s so good to see you,” Kai said.
This time I couldn’t avoid turning and coming face-to-face with the man who chased my thoughts with the undying love I’d had for him as a teenager.
Kai Buchanan was right there in front of me, looking as gorgeous as ever, smiling at me, and I was right back to that moment under the Wishing Tree.
The lights strung along the trail were so bright where he stood that I could see his curiously colored eyes, his lips, the way his cheeks and nose were a little red already, and a woolen hat pulled low over his brow covering his short dark hair. His coat was dark, his jeans pushed into boots, and I’d never seen anything more perfect as he gave me a tentative smile. My heart started again, but I was struck dumb. How long had he been standing there? What was he doing here? What did I say now?
“You have some…” He touched his lips.
I stared, unable to say anything, wishing he wasn’t right there in front of me.
He smiled and removed a glove, and then reached out to wipe a finger next to my lip. “Cream,” he murmured, and then examined his finger with a bewildered expression, probably not sure what to do with the cream, before sucking his finger and slipping his glove back on.
Oh, my holy fucking hell.
My brain short-circuited, it was as simple as that, and I must have let out a sound, because his eyes widened, and he looked shocked at what he’d done. I stumbled, and he was close to catching me, but I evaded his hold and righted myself.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, Bailey,” he murmured, and hunched into his coat. He had to be used to the cold down in Albany, but the windchill tonight was brutal. I wondered if I should call him nearer, so he was sheltered by the trees, but that wasn’t going to happen because I didn’t want him close to me.
I’m not sure my heart can stand it.
“Kai,” I acknowledged.
“It’s been a while,” he began.
“July.” Of course, he knew that, and I didn’t know why I felt as if I needed to remind him.
“That was a bad time,” he admitted.
“You think?” What was I doing? I didn’t want to talk about the summer. As much as I wanted to see the object of my fantasies in the flesh, I couldn’t be within six feet of Kai without losing my shit, so I should stay quiet. Him coming home would mean I had to avoid him, which always got so awkward. I didn’t want Kai back in town, at the same time I desperately wanted to see him so I could stare into his eyes and spin some more fantasies to see me through the winter.
“I’ve missed you, Angel,” Kai whispered and stepped closer.
“Bailey,” I corrected him, anger churning in my belly. How could he have left so abruptly, ghosted me, and now stand there expecting me to talk as if nothing had happened?
“Sorry.”
“Uh huh.” Nope, all my coherency had left the building. “I’m going,” I managed as my throat tightened with emotion. Lucas had warned me he was coming home, but where was my warning that it was tonight? Faced with the only man I’d ever loved, the same one who’d cracked my heart wide open when I was fifteen, then ghosted me in the most miserable way, I went into shock and my brain stopped working. I couldn’t remember words; I couldn’t do a fucking thing, except stand there like a statue.
“I want to apologize because I’m so sorry about some of the stuff I did at the barbecue, Bailey. Like when I—”
“I’m going home.” I interrupted.