Best friend he might’ve been, but I owed him for that. Of course, that would be when he was least expecting it, after I’d seen Dad and the rest of the Haynes/Buchanan family.
“It’s a surprise,” I warned Lucas, who backed off and mimed zipping his lips, then gave me the finger—never let it be said that the two of us didn’t have the ancient bro-code down pat. I didn’t want to surprise my dad, so much as I wanted to ambush him so he would have to forgive me for being an asshole. We’d spoken a few times in the last few months, but it had been weird, and it was all my fault, and I owed him a face-to-face apology for being such a waste of space.
I took the outside path around the pond, staying in the shadows of the trees, and emerging behind the rental hut, evading the young girl at the counter, who I didn’t recognize. Then, without fanfare I sat on the bench at Dad’s side, a little too close, bumping his thigh, and causing him to glance my way. He side-eyed me, turned face forward, and then did this comical second stare, but any “hello” was drowned out by Alice shrieking. My sister’s youngest wasn’t the quietest of children, confident like her mom, and she threw herself at me and clung to my neck.
“Kai,” I heard Dad say before he side-hugged me.
I leaned into his hold. I wanted to cry. I can’t cry.
“Uncle Kai! Uncle Kai! Skate with me!” Alice ordered.
I gestured at my feet. “Not tonight, sweetie.”
“You can borrow Grampy’s skates,” she announced imperiously, and then threw my dad the cutest smile I’d ever seen.
“No one has feet as big as mine,” I lied. The last thing I needed was to put on Dad’s skates and then fall somehow—which I probably would because I’d be out there skating with fear, and that meant ass hitting ice. I had my spare skates in the car, and depending how long I stayed, maybe I could sneak in one skate for old times’ sake. When it was quiet. Maybe at midnight or something after everyone went home.
“But Uncle Kai—”
“Another time,” I interrupted and kissed the tip of her nose. “I promise.”
I caught Dad’s curious expression over her head and nodded. That small exchange that covered I’m sorry and how are you and I’m okay and what are you doing here, and we’ll talk later would have to do for now, because Alice was shouting at her brother and cousin to come over. Charlie and Mitchell were eight, and hockey-obsessed—even more than I’d been at their age. They’d have a ton of questions, and I was happy to talk to them. So, any in-depth chat with Dad about how he was and how everything in my world had changed, would have to wait.
Alice scrunched up her nose and hugged me. “Mom’s sick,” she said it so mournfully that my whole word fell.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Dad urgently. “Is it the baby?” I should have come home earlier, should have realized my little sister was ill. Oh shit, what if everything was going wrong and—
Dad patted my arm and stopped the spiral. “She’s sick of being pregnant right now is all. She’s only got thirty days to go, and she refused to stop working up until last week.”
“I’m having a sleepover tonight at Granny Leah’s,” Alice said. “And I’m doing the tree tomorrow with Uncle Bailey. I get to do the teddies.” She clambered onto my lap, all small and cute, and I hugged her close.
My chest tightened at hearing Bailey’s name and a familiar wash of hope made me hot. At least I think it was hope. Maybe it was embarrassment, or panic, or regret. Who the fuck knew anymore?
Then I didn’t get a chance to talk about anything at all, because Charlie and Mitchell were there, and I was doomed. They were quickly followed by the entire Buchanan/Haynes family, plus a good portion of the townspeople I’d grown up with. I was lost in hellos and how are you and what the hell is going on at the Harriers, and tons of questions about when I was getting back on the ice. I spent most of my time avoiding the questions by asking everyone what was going on with them instead.
“How about we get this one to Leah?” Dad said, and I agreed immediately, standing, and shifting Alice’s weight to one hip. She had already closed her eyes and cuddled into my neck, but now she was dozing, despite all the excitement of the skating. I led the small parade of chattering family from the pond and up the hill to the Haynes’ house, the walk as familiar as the one to my dad’s house. Curtis and Leah Haynes, plus their four boys, had always had a boisterous house, open to everyone, and the center of our family get-togethers. Not that it wasn’t fun and games at my parents’ place, but after Mom died, our house had become something different.
Quieter. More solemn.
So, when I visited, we tended to gather at the Haynes’ house for meals.
We reached the house, exchanged brief hellos and hugs, and I made promises to the boys and Alice to go skating with them if I could, and then Dad and I headed back to his place, along behind the stores, and the park, past the Wishing Tree, and on up Lombard. We walked in silence for a while, as if we both had things we wanted to say, but it wasn’t right to talk until we were alone.
“I put my car on your driveway,” I didn’t need to say that, as it was obvious the Porsche Cayenne SUV was mine, but I couldn’t keep my words inside anymore. “I know I fucked up when I was last home, and I understand if you say no, but is it okay if I stay with you so we can talk or something?” I had a shit ton of things to tell him—from Bailey, to apologies, to pain, to retiring—and when it came down to it, I wanted to be in my old room, with my dad down the corridor, and I was desperate for him to say it was okay.
He sent me a surprised glance. On a visit, I would usually stay in the hotel on Main, my excuse that I might have to leave at weird hours, what with my job and all. He stopped walking and tugged me to a halt. “This will always be your home, son.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said with so much feeling my voice cracked. “You deserve to be happy, and Megs is lovely. Last summer, I wasn’t in a good place, but I didn’t mean what I said about you forgetting Mom and the memories and—”
He hugged me tight in the falling snow. “It’s okay, Kai. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I don’t remember everything I said, but I recall enough, and it was horrible. I have so much I need to tell you.”
“I know.” He held me away from him and smiled. “But it can wait until you’re settled. It’s good to have you home.”
“It’s good to be home.”
I popped the trunk and lifted out my bags, a duffle and two cases, and juggled my gear bag as well, before Dad took a couple of the bags to help. I never went anywhere without my skates to play hockey somewhere, even if I shouldn’t right now, and I wasn’t going to leave any of it in the car. This town was quiet and virtually crime-free, but that was until the Christmas tourism started up, and then all bets were off.
Wishing Tree had a ton of snow, artists’ markets, gift shops, and a real Santa in Market Square, plus of course, the famous wishing tree that gave the town its name. It was a tourist hotspot for the whole of winter, plus most of fall, and even though the town descended into Christmas chaos, I loved it.
And I knew Bailey did as well, involved with his brothers on the Parade of Light, working on stock for his Christmas stall, and helping his parents in their gift shop—I knew a hell of a lot about Bailey Haynes.