I was still giving her the murder eyes when I stepped out of my trousers and rolled down the condom. Her body was warm and humid with sweat and her bun had morphed into a crazy halo of wisps and curls, and I could've tortured her for another hour or two, but this didn't feel good for me anymore. It felt like I was drawing her a map, but instead of allowing it to function as a map and tell her where to go, she saw nothing more than a pretty picture.
I couldn't keep drawing the map. It hurt to create something and have no one notice.
I clasped her wrists at the small of her back and pushed inside her slowly. I had to go slow this time. I had to remember how she felt around me and why I loved the first few seconds of overwhelming heat and pressure the most. I had to remember and then I had to say goodbye.
I wanted to taste her neck and stow that memory away with the rest of them, but I didn't trust myself to lean in, press my chest to her back. I needed a bit of distance to keep me from getting too honest.
She was always quiet when she came, but this one surprised me. Her lips parted on a silent cry, but her body went wild, jerking and pulsing against me like she was trying to break loose. The erratic rock of her thick thighs kept it going longer than I'd expected and that was when I lost myself imprinting those memories into the most sacred corner of my mind. That was when my control slipped for a minute and this came to an end I wasn't prepared to accept.
The orgasm ripped me apart. It reverberated into my chest and shoulders, and left me sore, as if I'd twisted every muscle the wrong way. I stared down at her, stunned and aching while my cock went on spurting like my body meant to drain every ounce of me into the condom. That it left me empty and unsatisfied seemed to be the point.
Sara twisted her hands from my grip and rotated her wrists several times. That shook me from this stupor. "What's wrong?" I pulled out with a miserable groan, truly rather surprised her pussy hadn't succeeded in biting my dick off this time. "Was that too tight? Are you okay?"
She rolled to the side and dropped her gaze to the fringe of a small pillow. "I'm okay."
"Let me see your wrists."
"No," she said. "I'm fine. I don't need any doctoring." Finally, she glanced up at me. That I had to be ripped apart after coming with my entire soul while she stared at me seemed unfair. This was all really fucking unfair. "I think we need to see what happens when we don't have sessions and homework assignments all the time. I think we need to figure out what that's like."
I snatched a tissue from the bureau to clean up the condom. "Seems like you've already figured it out."
"Don't be an asshole."
"It's what I do best." I stepped into my boxers and trousers, dropped my focus to latching my belt. I grabbed my shirt off the floor and shrugged it on as I marched out of her bedroom. I couldn't stay there any longer. I almost left, but I couldn't make it to the door without passing her kitchen and that shelf of colored glasses.
I stared at those glasses, just fucking hating their existence and all the big and small things they represented. I did not want to walk back into her room, the one with pillows all over the floor, the bed a wreck, the scents of me and her and us in the air, and the drowsy naked girl who owned me inside and out, but refused to see it. I didn't want to do it.
"Fucking water," I muttered, grabbing a glass off the shelf and flipping on the faucet. "She doesn't need me to do this. Doesn't need me for anything. Nope, nope, nope. Fuck the water." I dumped it out only to fill it again. "Just…fuck."
I did this three times and seriously considered throwing the fucking cup at the wall, but then she'd probably cut herself on the broken glass and I'd have to patch her up, which would kill me all over again. For all I knew, she didn't even notice the times I'd straightened her blankets or brought her water after fucking the fight out of her. She probably didn't care, so I didn't care.
But I cared very, very much and it was incredibly inconvenient. I knew if I didn't bring her that water, I'd as much as forfeit my right to ever bring her anything ever again.
And since that wasn't something I could live with, I walked back into her room. The pillows were all over the place and the bed was nowhere near the wall and the air was thick enough for me to taste her on my tongue. As for the drowsy naked girl, she was staring at me with an annoying little smile that drew me out of my misery long enough to roll my eyes.
I set the glass on the bureau and leaned down to brush a kiss over her lips. I should've walked away then, should've dragged my ass upstairs and cried into some avocado, but I couldn't stop myself this time.
"I'll see you in two weeks, you little liar. Maybe then you'll be able to admit what you want."
Chapter 23
Sara
Alex: My husband just told me something that can't be true.
Alex: I'm going to ask you this and I'm going to need you to not lose your shit when I do it because it's super invasive.
Alex: I want to preface it by saying my husband has been known to pop some weed gummies during the day if he's trying to get creative or whatever so it's possible he's imagining things.
Alex: Architects, man. Who knew there was a job where getting high at work could be a good thing?
Alex: Honestly, I wish he'd just lock himself in his office when he does it because otherwise I get a hundred texts about the birds in Copley Square or something and when I finally get a chance to respond, he's busy jerking off over rooflines.
Alex: I don't mean that literally. I'm sorry for putting that visual into your head. I just meant that he gets really, really excited about things I don't understand.
Alex: Back to my original question: How is it going with you and Stremmel?
Alex: Are these sessions helping? Are you getting a little closer as friends? Or something?
Alex: Okay I can't do this. I'm not subtle. I can't pretend to be subtle. Are you sleeping with Stremmel?
Alex: It's fine if you are, obviously, I'm just shaken to my core and questioning everything I know to be true in the world.
Alex: Either you're ignoring me or…wow, okay, or you're sleeping with Stremmel right now.
Alex: I immediately regret this entire conversation. Pretend I never asked.
Alex: It's been a few hours so even if you did that thing I never asked about, you can't still be doing it. Now, you're probably ignoring me.
Alex: And that's fair because I came at you with a whole lot of crazy today.
Alex: I'm sorry for being intrusive. This was all very intrusive.
Alex: I really am sorry.
Sara: Hey. My phone was off. I'm just catching up now.
Alex: Are we okay?
Sara: Yeah, no worries at all.
Alex: That's what people say when they have many, many worries.
Sara: Really, it's all good.
Alex: That's what people say when they're not even close to good.
Sara: I promise you, everything is all right, and please don't try to translate that. I'm fine. We're fine. Everything is fine.
Alex: And Stremmel?
Sara: Can't speak for him.
Alex: Are you okay? I can come downstairs if you want.