Everything she’s accomplished, she did it herself.
She had no parental support or financial backing from them.
She got herself a full scholarship to college. Paid for medical school with student loans—loans I know she’s still paying. Got herself a coveted residency position.
And I just made her believe it’s all at risk because I’m a stupid fucking caveman.
Dammit, Grace. Where are you?
“Did you see which way Grace went?” I ask the doorman as I fly out onto the street, frantically searching both ways.
“She went up toward the park, sir. I asked her if she needed any assistance and she declined.”
Of course she did. My girl likes to do it all herself because that’s what she’s used to. But she has me now. God, she’s had me for so long, even when she didn’t know it. Other than giving her a place to stay, what have I done to prove that to her though? To prove that she can trust me? Open up to me?
I dictate and demand and alter behind her back. Where I thought I was being protective, she thought I was being controlling. I was so afraid to tell her how I felt because I didn’t think she was ready, and she ended up doubting me instead.
Everything I’ve done is wrong.
Except be with her.
Nothing has ever felt more right than being with her.
I have to apologize. I have to reassure her that I’ll be her partner in this.
My feet carry me through the empty park, save for a few homeless people sacked out under a random tree. It’s dangerous out here at this time of night and I hate the idea that she ran out into this darkness. I hate that I can’t find her.
I call her phone only for it to immediately go to voice mail.
It’s off, and that forces a feral growl from my throat.
I have no idea where to go and I’m not getting anywhere by searching on foot.
But after over an hour of searching by car and still coming up empty, I have no idea what to do. Everywhere I could think to go, I went. Oliver’s house was pitch black, no movement or life beyond the curtains. I tried calling her a dozen times, all with the same result.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize I said the wrong thing. I wouldn’t cut her out of her career. I just don’t want her to stress herself. Who knows what this pregnancy will do to her body and knowing Grace, she’ll just push through because she feels that’s what she has to do in order to prove herself.
But I handled it wrong.
Grace doesn’t need any man saving her, but hell if I don’t want to be the one she depends on.
Dawn takes over the sky, filling the passing landscape with hues of pink and gold, and I still can’t find her. She hasn’t called or returned my texts, so I drive west, out into the suburbs, knocking on the one person’s door I can think of who might have the answers I need. Landon opens for me, his green eyes tired with sleep, his hair all over the place.
“What’s going on?” he asks, worry now creasing his features when he sees it’s me and I likely look like hell rolled over me.
“I need to talk.”
He steps back, waving for me to enter and I head straight for the kitchen, because it’s far from Stella’s room and I don’t want to wake my niece. I practically collapse onto a stool at the island, staring down at the smooth stone and running my fingers along the gray pattern.
Landon quietly goes about brewing coffee, never one to demand but always one to listen. I’m grateful he’s giving me these few moments. I hadn’t realized I needed them.
Folding my hands on the counter, I slowly raise my eyes to his. “What I’m going to tell you stays between us.”
“Okay.”
He turns his back to me and the sound and smell of fresh coffee filling a pot fills the air.
“Grace is pregnant.” The words slide from my tongue, the admission easier than I thought it would be. “She just told me this morning after she found out last night. She was visibly shaken and upset to start with. Panicky, I think. She kept saying she didn’t expect anything from me and shit like that. She thought I was going to cast her away because she accidentally got pregnant.”
“Which you would never do. Whether it was Grace or another woman.”
A smile attempts to flicker up the corners of my lips at his complete confidence in me, but I don’t feel prideful. I feel guilt and remorse and agony that I made her run off like that.
“Don’t go singing my praises yet, brother. I ruined everything. We were talking and it was going well. She was listening to me, and then I started to worry about her. She had already hidden the fact that she had felt dizzy. That’s what led her to discover she was pregnant in the first place. But by her hiding it, I…”
“Turned into a macho dick?”
I nod. “Something like that. I mentioned how we were going to have to adjust her work schedule. Pull back hours and surgeries.”
Landon slides a cup of black coffee in my direction, not even caring to ask if I want cream or sugar because Landon doesn’t do that. You take what you get with him most of the time and are grateful for it. It sounds fucked up, but believe me, right now, I am grateful. He sits beside me, holding a cup of his own, blowing on it before taking a sip and then setting it back down again with a soft clink.
Finally, he exhales. “Alright. Let’s start with the basics. How do you feel about her being pregnant?”
“Surprised. Thrown off balance. Scared. Happy. The idea of her having my children feels like a gift I never considered dreaming of. I love her. I love her like mad. But she’s not on the same page with me on that. She hasn’t been this entire time.”
“You know that for sure?”
Do I? I don’t know. Sometimes I think she’s right there with me. Sometimes I look into her eyes, and I know she feels something for me. I know it’s not anything insignificant either. Last night on the couch, we were tethered together, body, heart, soul.
Then she was gone when I woke.
“She hasn’t wanted to be in a relationship yet,” I go with instead. “After what she went through with Tony, I think she felt it was too much too soon to try to tackle. Too many obstacles for us to overcome. Sometimes I think she feels her career is all she has. The only thing that matters.”
“You remember what it was like to be a third-year resident. That is how it feels. Your career is your life. The thing that defines you most of all.”
I know. And I just threatened to mess with it, having the power to do just that.
“How did you react when Reese told you she was pregnant?”
I wait with bated breath for his response to my question. We don’t talk about Reese with him because he doesn’t talk about her with us. Not anymore. Only with Stella and then only in the capacity of how much Reese loved Stella and how much he loved Reese. Landon’s pain and guilt thrives inside him and nothing we’ve done has been able to help that.
“I was twenty and in college,” he says with a hint of uncharacteristic humor in his voice. “I freaked out. Thought our lives were over before they even began. There was only one thing I was certain of and that was that I was madly in love with her. That only she could ever be the future mother of my children, so why not start popping them out young.”
My heart hurts so much at the way he says that. A crushing vise we all feel whenever we think about all that Landon has been through.