“My brain plays tricks on me. One minute I’m fine, and the next minute I feel like I can’t breathe.”
He gave me a sympathetic look.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. “How is he?”
He looked like he was trying to determine how much he would tell me. “Viktor has demons.”
I thought about Viktor’s nightmares. He had been through a violent and horrific week, and yet he had stoically taken care of both of us and done everything to protect me. He knew how to handle himself in the worst of situations—which made me wonder how he’d got those demons in the first place. “I saw them.”
He drained his glass. “The demons are winning.”
I swear my heart cracked when I heard that. “What can I do?”
“Be patient with him.”
“The detectives have been by twice. At the advice of my legal team, I told the detective that we hired your company and that they needed to contact you for all further details about this matter.”
“They mentioned that. That’s why I brought the invoice. Thank you for helping us out.”
“Does it help?”
“Quite a bit.” He hesitated. “Viktor doesn’t know about the invoice.”
“Oh.”
He gave a wry smile. “He’d be livid, to be quite honest. Maybe we can keep that under wraps? I’ll tell him eventually, but right now he has other things he’s thinking about.”
That sounded so much like Viktor. I felt my eyes fill with tears. “I understand.”
“I want to make myself clear—I don’t want you to pay it. Don’t even think about it.”
I had been thinking about it. “It doesn’t feel right that Viktor isn’t compensated for all his pain and suffering. As well as you and your wife.”
“Regardless of that, the compensation shouldn’t come from your family. The only reason I agreed to this is to help keep Viktor clear of the police right now.” His tone was smooth, sympathetic even, but beneath that velvet was nothing but steel.
In that moment, he reminded me so much of Viktor that my emotions bubbled out of me. I put my face in my hands as I sobbed for a few mortifying moments. Somehow I found the strength to suck back my emotions. I wiped my face and swallowed hard a few times, working to compose myself. “I’m so sorry. This is so inappropriate.”
He leaned forward, but he didn’t touch me. He did stare deep into my eyes. “Your feelings are appropriate, Blaire. What can I do to help?”
I shook my head. “You’ve all done more than enough. My grandfather’s funeral will be next Saturday. Will you tell Viktor that?”
“I will.”
“Thank you.”
“I wish things had turned out differently.”
“Why did the sniper kill my grandfather?” It was a hopeless question, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I don’t know.”
“Is he still going after Viktor?”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know.”
He was holding back. I stared up at the ceiling. “This isn’t over.”
“If there’s one thing Viktor is good at, it’s finishing things.”
I couldn’t seem to pull my big weepy heart off my sleeve. “I miss him.”
“I know.”
“Would you mind please texting me once in a while, just so I know what’s going on?” With Viktor. I hiccuped. “With the police and everything?”
“Of course.” He stood up and gave me a kind look. “I’m doing everything I can for him, okay?”
“Thank you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
VIKTOR
Blaire and her grandmother sat alone on the family pew at the front. Their family of three had been reduced to a family of two. Against the backdrop of the sixty-foot cathedral ceiling, they both looked so tiny and vulnerable. Behind them, the huge church was packed, with standing room only. Hundreds of people had shown up to pay their respects—which was a testament to how Blaire’s grandfather had lived his life. According to the funeral pamphlet, his full name had been Edward Jonathan Asterdam.
The night this man died under my care, I hadn’t even known his full name.
Something was broken inside of me. I knew that. Which was why guys like me stayed away from women like Blaire. We weren’t good enough. I think part of me thought that if I saved Edward, if I got Blaire’s grandfather back for her, it would redeem me.
But I had failed. And as much as it felt like torture, I was committed to keeping my distance from her. I didn’t need to further fuck up her life, and it was guaranteed that my presence would.
Last night, Andrusha had casually mentioned that he had put a team together to watch the funeral from afar, and that he himself would be attending the service.
The thought of him being able to see her when I could not made me want to hit him.
He paused, looked at my face, and said, “It might help to have a second pair of eyes inside. You in?”
This morning I had put on the suit that I had worn to Andrusha’s wedding. By the time we made it into the church, there wasn’t even standing room in the back, and we were forced to stand with our backs against the stone wall along the side.
I repeatedly scanned the crowd for anyone dangerous, but instead, everywhere I looked, I saw nothing but a black sea of sadness and grief.
I could have prevented the pain of everyone here. But I’d failed.
My eyes returned to Blaire. Her face was upturned as she listened to the priest speak about her grandfather. She looked different. The Blaire I knew was sun-kissed, with wavy dark hair and a big smile. This Blaire looked unbelievably polished with her serene, solemn expression, expensive clothes and coiffed hair. One of the diamonds in her ears probably cost more than my truck. It had only been a week since I had seen her, but my memories of her face and smile were starting to go fuzzy. I tried to soak up every inch of her and commit it all to memory.
“See anything?” Andrusha murmured from beside me.
I scanned the room, the ceiling, the back balcony, but nothing was out of the ordinary. “No.”
“Me neither.”
My eyes were drawn back to Blaire. As if she could feel my stare, she slowly turned her head, scanning the crowd on my side of the church.
Her eyes widened slightly when she noticed me. I was trying to read everything on her face, trying to read how she felt when she saw me, but then she quickly turned back to face the front of the church. I watched the tip of her ear go pink.
Andrusha leaned over. “Well, that went well.”
I was clenching my jaw so hard my teeth hurt. “Leave it.”
But he didn’t leave it. When the service ended, Andrusha steered me toward Blaire and her grandmother.
“They’re talking to someone,” I told him, trying to avoid contact.
He herded me like a border collie until Blaire lifted her face toward us. Both she and her grandmother watched me approach. Only me. Because Andrusha had disappeared, like a ghost.
Motherfucker, I will kill him.
They both stood there, waiting for me to speak.
“I’m very sorry for your loss, ma’am,” I said to her grandmother. “You too, Blaire.”