She wanted . . . “Yes. Yes, of course I will.”
“I’ll email you the slides.” Her gaze travelled to Cassius perched on the edge of his seat, watching intently. “Would you film Josh?”
“Absolutely, Professor.”
She nodded, relieved. “I look forward to watching you later.”
She left, and Josh stood there gaping, stomach knotting with nerves.
Only half an hour to prepare.
He jerked into action.
Josh paced the front of the morning room where West had stood—comfortable in front of a crowd, relaxed, laughing—just this morning. He’d made it look so easy.
Josh’s ballocks were sweating.
Why wasn’t this projector connecting to his phone?
Guests started dribbling into the room. Servants brought extra chairs. More had driven here for this than they’d expected.
West strode into the room, gallant and gorgeous, and Josh became a flustering fool and dropped his phone. “Oh! I wasn’t expecting—”
“You think I’d miss it?” West glanced at the sea of chairs. “For the first time in my life, attending a lecture sounds intriguing.”
West took a front row seat, shifting on it, looking mightily uncomfortable. He rested his elbows on the back. “Are you nervous?”
Josh straightened, rolling his shoulders. “I hope I don’t look it.”
More people trailed in, followed by Wally in only his breeches and shirt. The shirt was rather damp.
West’s eyes glued onto Wally’s chest and his conspicuously hard nipples. “Get caught in the rain?”
“Needed a style update.” Wally moved down the aisle.
West threw Josh a baffled look and mouthed, “On purpose?”
Cassius’s arrival stole Josh’s return grin. “If you choke, feel free to call on me to take over.”
Josh threw up his finger when his back turned. West shook his head.
“What?”
“I am quietly judging you for your terrible taste in men.”
Ah, yes. Fair. “He is very smart.”
West glanced at the incoming guests, running a hand through his hair. “You like intelligent guys.”
Josh sighed. “Yes.” He gave up fiddling with his phone. “Do you know how to open these files on the projector?”
“Uh, no.”
Josh raised his head to ask the room, but Wally huffed down the aisle and took the phone from his hand. Suddenly, the wall behind Josh glowed with the first slide.
“There you go,” Wally said.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t look at me like you’re surprised. I study IT and Engineering.” He scoffed and seated himself beside Cassius.
Josh stared at them. He’d always thought—as horribly egotistical as the thought was—that Cassius had settled. That there wasn’t much to take seriously behind Wally’s packed social calendar, goofy extroversion and see-through tops. That it was Cassius’s loss.
But . . .
He’d just chosen someone who was good at balancing both.
Josh caught West gently frowning at him and dropped his gaze. The last chairs filled and Ashling, now a Lady of Quality, asked everyone to have their phones on silent and took the last seat. She grinned at him. “When you’re ready.”
Cassius hid his smirk behind his phone as he started recording.
Josh nodded. “Right. Thank you all for coming.”
All eyes turned to him as the room settled. When would he stop sweating?
He swiped his phone and—thank God—the slide flashed behind him. “Ah, today we’ll be diving into evolving attitudes toward sexuality over the seventeen and eighteen hundreds.”
He gulped in air. It was like he’d forgotten how to breathe.
A thousand impromptu mini lectures, a lifetime of studying the source materials, and he was freezing. His mind had blanked.
“In particular discussing how society became steadily more ‘heteronormative’ and less tolerant of homoeroticism.”
More than a few frowns darkened the faces of his audience. As Josh continued his introduction, two people got up and left the room.
Because of the subject matter? His delivery? Or did they just . . . need the loo? Perhaps they wanted to snoop around the house while they could. Might not be a reflection on him at all.
“. . . hide their identities and sexual relationships.”
A yawn!
Keep going.
He flushed, and stumbled on. He focused on West, solely on his kind eyes and encouraging smile. It helped, but it also made his stomach sink further. This right here, this was what made him tick.
Another guest snuck out.
They all left eventually. When would West?
He fumbled with the slides.
Fun. He needed to channel the fun.
Forcing a grin, he pivoted Professor Paisley’s lecture material from deep analysis to outrageous facts and anecdotes.
Afterward, Josh stood staring at the last slide, back to the audience as they stretched and mingled and left. West had been snagged into conversation, and no one else approached him for discussion. Or maybe to say they learned something. Or thank you.
He rubbed his nape.
A painful slice of hushed dialogue made it across the room. “First part was a bit too much post-modern verbal vomiting.”
“The second part wasn’t so bad.”
Josh disconnected his Bluetooth, plunging the wall into darkness, and slunk out of the room.
“Wait.”
He forced himself to turn. West caught up with him, a pitying smile cupping his lips. “Hey, that was—”
“Don’t lie.”
“You were nervous. Hell, with a crowd like that, I would have been too.”
“I bored them, West.”
“No. You know this stuff, you just needed more . . . pride.”
Josh looked at his boots. “Don’t you have duties?”
“Teaching dance class soon, but—”
A rambunctious crowd gathering in the hall cut them off. Josh spotted Ashling grabbing the sleeve of a chambermaid, pointing.
He closed his eyes briefly, then looked right into West’s. “Perhaps I should have been prouder. But I’m ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers. I don’t have that talent of easy conversation, can’t engage minds or interests as others seem to.”
West frowned. “Perhaps you ought to practice.”
Josh swallowed and turned away.
The day had been long, eventful, and there was still dinner to get through.
Josh sagged against the closed door of his room to remove his shoes, then face-planted onto the bed, breathing in the soft scent of West on the pillows. Soapy with a splash of citrus.
It calmed him. It made his stomach knot. What was he doing?
It was supposed to be a weekend-only thing.
“What are you doing?” West’s voice had Josh flipping onto his back.
“That door is vexingly quiet.”
West leaned against the bedpost, folding his arms. “Josh.”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m hiding.”
“Aren’t you tired of that?”
Yes, yes he was. Exhausted. The roles were too many, the lies too . . . true. “I just needed to find my balance.”