Our eyes met, the rest of our team circling us, patting us both and celebrating. It took me a minute to realize how close we were, our mouths inches apart, and…was I supposed to be holding him like this? Was it normal? I didn’t see any of the other guys doing this.
“Good job. It was me, huh? ’Cause you looked at me and that helped,” I teased. And Alex…blushed. He turned away, then shoved out of my arms, and I let him go. He landed on his feet, the coaches and the rest of the team congratulating him while I tried to figure out why I felt like I was going to pass out.
The next little while passed by in a blur. We thanked the other team and received the trophy, our parents right there on the field with us. When I saw Lynn and Kendall waiting by the stands—two girls our age who were best friends like us—I nudged Alex. He looked over, and Kendall waved at him.
“Dude, she totally likes you,” I said in his ear.
Alex rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“She does! We should see if they wanna hang out tonight.”
Alex frowned, but then nodded. “Yeah, we totally should. That’d be cool.”
“I’m so proud of you guys,” Dad said to me.
“Thanks, Dad!” He and Mom were still fighting like always. I hated being home. “Can I stay at Alex’s tonight? We’re gonna try and hang out with Lynn and Kendall.”
Dad looked at Mom, who said she didn’t mind. We asked Mama B and Alex’s dad, then the girls, and they all said yes. We all lived close enough that Alex and I could walk over to Lynn’s.
I went home and showered, excitement zipping through me. Lynn was so pretty. How perfect would it be if I dated her and Alex went out with Kendall?
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Dad asked, standing in my doorway.
My gut automatically felt too heavy. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” He wouldn’t tell me now, would he? That he was leaving, and they were getting a divorce…and why did the thought of that happening hurt so much? I hated it when they fought. If they were happier without each other, that was what I wanted, but…what if I lost him? What if he left me?
Dad sat down on my bed. “I wanted to talk to you about you and Alex.”
I frowned. “What’s wrong with me and Alex?”
“Nothing, but… I don’t know, son. He seems a little…different from you and me, if you know what I mean.”
No, no I didn’t. “Different how?”
“Never mind that part. It doesn’t matter. I just think you’re both getting to the age where you shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed anymore. And like today, the way you were carrying him, you didn’t see any of the other boys doing that, did you?”
I hadn’t, and I’d wondered too if it had been weird. And Alex and I did always sleep in the same bed at sleepovers ever since that first time, but who cared? It was better than one of us taking the floor.
“I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, that’s all,” Dad finished.
The heaviness in my gut didn’t lighten. My hands felt sweaty and slimy. “Okay, Dad.” I got what he was saying now. He thought Alex was gay, and he didn’t want people to think we were gay with each other. But he wasn’t…and I wasn’t… We were just…us. Alex and Caden.
“Good man.” Dad clapped me on the shoulder. “Here’s some money. You guys should walk to the ice cream place and get milkshakes with the girls. My treat.”
I took it from him and shoved it in my pocket.
I met Alex outside a few minutes later. He wrapped an arm around me. “What’s up, district champion?” he teased, but I pulled away. He cocked his head slightly as if confused.
“What’s up, district champion?” I said the same to him, hoping he didn’t think I was mad at him, because I wasn’t. I just… If Dad said it was weird, then I believed him. I didn’t want to upset him and give him more reason to go.
“You okay?” Alex asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t seem to believe me, so I playfully kicked him in the butt. “Dad gave me money for us to get ice cream with Lynn and Kendall.”
“Sweet!” Alex replied, and just like that, everything felt okay again.
We walked to Lynn’s house to pick them up, then headed for Main Street Creamery. We ate ice cream until we felt like we were going to vomit, then went to the park.
We laughed and hung out. At one point, we started to wrestle around, me and Alex on the ground together, him on top of me, holding my arms down. He started to tickle me, because the traitor was the only person in the world who knew I was ticklish.
We were cracking up, him smiling just as big as me. Then suddenly, I remembered what my dad said, and panic seized me. I pushed out from under him and got up.
“What happened?”
“I think something bit me,” I lied.
That night I got my first kiss. Alex did too. I asked him about it on the way back to our houses, but he just said, “It was okay.”
“Dude…Kendall is hot. It had to be better than that.”
“Yours was?” Alex asked.
“Hell yeah! It was awesome.” And it had been. Making out with Lynn was probably one of the best things that had ever happened to me.
“Okay. I guess you’re right.”
We stayed up late, watching horror movies in his living room. When we went to bed, I said, “I think I’m gonna crash on the floor tonight.”
“Oh…yeah…okay.” Alex turned away and climbed into bed.
I wanted to take it back, wanted to change my mind, because why did it matter if I slept in the same bed as my best friend?
I got the blankets and made a pallet on the floor.
An hour later I got up and said, “Scoot over.”
“Damn it. I thought I was finally going to get my bed back,” Alex said, but moved for me. I climbed in beside him and fell right asleep.
ALEX
Sixteen years old
I wasn’t into girls.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself want to kiss girls as much as Caden did…and he did. All. The. Time.
Ever since he’d kissed Lynn two years ago, all he thought about was girls. I just didn’t get it. Sure, they were pretty, they were cool. I liked hanging out with them, and talking with them, and I knew I was supposed to want to kiss them, but I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure what to do with that.
On the other hand…guys? Hot. I’d been noticing them more and more, little things here and there, like how much I liked the deeper sound of their voice, and oh, what did you know, hairy forearms were totally hot. Don’t ask me why that was my thing, but it was, and Caden’s forearms were the best. Everything about him was.
I tried not to think about him that way, though. He was my bro, my best friend, my ride or die. If he discovered that I wanted to trace my hands up his arms and maybe see what his mouth tasted like, I was afraid I’d lose him. No, scratch that. I wouldn’t ever lose Caden. We were too close, and he wasn’t the kind of guy who would bail on me because I was gay, but it would change things. I knew he would never feel the same, and honestly, his dad was kind of a dick and would likely have a problem with it.