Yeah, yeah he was. “You can call him by his name, ya know?” Caden rarely did. In fact, he and Jack didn’t get along very well. Jack thought Caden was a bit of a dick, and if I were him, I’d probably think the same. Caden was always busting his balls. Plus, Jack thought Caden was secretly in love with me, which I knew he wasn’t. If he were, he’d have had more than enough time to do something about it—twelve whole years, to be exact. Not to mention, I’d drunkenly told him once I was in love with him. It wasn’t something we ever talked about, but Caden knew. If he felt the same, he knew all he had to do was say so, and I’d be his.
Ignoring my comment about Jack’s name, Caden said, “Getting married in Vegas isn’t you. Jackass doesn’t even know that.”
I cocked a brow. “That’s my future husband you’re talking about.” He was right, though. I never would have chosen to get married in Vegas. But having only three months between the proposal and the wedding didn’t leave a whole lot of time for us to find a venue back home. Jack also loved Vegas in a way I never had.
“See? He’s already made you more boring. You’d laugh if I called anyone else jackass.”
I sighed, knowing there was more going on here than Caden would say. “You’re not going to lose me, Caden. No matter what. We’ll always be us.” The way his parents fought had fucked him up. Plus, he was more sensitive than he let on. He didn’t like to get too close because he was afraid of losing what he cared about. I was the exception to the rule—we’d been close since we were two, so he hadn’t had any choice in the matter.
“Pfft. I know,” he replied, then tried to take a drink before realizing his glass was empty.
The truth was, I didn’t think Caden knew at all.
Chapter Two
Caden
I was freaking the fuck out, and I didn’t like it.
There was no reason I should be so angry, sad, frustrated, annoyed, or anything other than happy over the fact that Alex was getting married. I was feeling a whole lot of shit where he was concerned, and one of those things made the least sense of all—part of me felt…betrayed.
I had no reason to. Alex was my best friend. He was gay; I was straight. He wanted to settle down; I didn’t. I fucked my way through life, and while he’d had his fair share of hookups, staying single was never his endgame.
Plus, again, he was a dude, and I was straight, so yeah, we weren’t like that. It was just hard to separate the two of us sometimes. Alex was the only person I’d ever trusted one hundred percent. The only one I felt I needed in my life. The only one I believed loved me for me, no matter what. Dad was demanding and a workaholic, Mom was always preoccupied with herself, but Alex was always there. Even when I was needy or selfish, he never left my side.
And now he was getting married to Jackass, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.
“I’m gonna go get laid.”
Alex laughed. “That easily?” He played with the hoop earring in his left ear.
“We’re in Vegas, A.”
“Good point.”
“And I’m me.”
“Which makes it easier. I can see that. You are pretty hot,” Alex teased, and my stomach flipped.
“Very hot.” I walked over and pressed a loud, smacking kiss to his forehead. “You probably want to spend some time with your future husband before you get married tomorrow, anyway.”
Married. Alex was getting married. Christ, this was making me experience all sorts of weird, confusing shit.
“Caden?” Alex said as I opened the balcony door to get back into his hotel room.
“Yeah?” I didn’t turn around to look at him.
“I love you, man.”
Then don’t get married. Don’t change things. But that wasn’t fair, was it? Because I couldn’t give Alex what he deserved. Jackass apparently could. “I love you too.”
I left the room, but didn’t try to go get laid. Instead, I just walked around Vegas. It was hot as hell and busy, and I hated being there, but I couldn’t handle going back to the hotel either.
Part of me felt I was acting childishly, freaking out because someone was going to take my best friend away from me, like Alex belonged to me, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t be pouting and losing his mind if I were the one getting married.
“I’m in love with you, ya know?”
“Shut up.” I chuckled and shook my head. “You’re drunk.”
“Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’ve always felt.” Alex shrugged. “Anyway, just thought you should know. I’m gonna take a shower and jack off before bed.”
I closed my eyes, tried to get the memory of Alex’s twenty-first birthday out of my head. We’d been in Portland, where we’d gone for college. I’d turned of drinking age two months before him. It had been his first time in a gay bar. Well, both our first times, but I’d only been there for him. Alex had two plans that night—getting drunk legally, and getting laid. He’d done both a hundred times since we’d left home, but going out to drink was different, and meeting up with someone at a club to take them home was too.
He’d been hit on a lot. Apparently, all the boys wanted what Alex had to offer, but he hadn’t hooked up with anyone. Instead, we returned to our apartment, and Alex told me he was in love with me, then went into the shower to blow his load.
I didn’t know if it was true, if Alex had been in love with me, but for the first time in my life, I’d wondered if maybe there was a way it could work. I mean, we got along great and knew each other as well as we knew ourselves…but then I figured that was just me being…well, selfish. I didn’t like that Alex was something I wasn’t. That there was this part of him I couldn’t share with him. That other men got to have him in ways I couldn’t. Which probably made me a bit of a dick, but at least I was an honest dick.
An honest dick who maybe felt a little brokenhearted and didn’t know what it meant, or if he had the balls to try and figure it out.
Chapter Three
Alex
I was getting married. Today. As in a few hours and…I thought maybe I should be feeling more…something about it. Excited? Eager? Nervous? Like I was taking a step toward the future I’d always wanted?
Instead, I just was. I went through the motions, kept myself busy, and didn’t feel much of anything at all.
Caden had been gone most of the day before, but he’d come back when he was supposed to for the rehearsal and dinner. He’d smiled, and made everyone laugh, and as my best man, made sure he took care of anything I needed. He was even pretty cool with Jack. He didn’t whisper jackass to me, not even once.
He’d been the same this morning, running around like crazy to make sure there weren’t any catastrophes, going on Starbucks runs, and even getting me a new razor when I realized I’d left mine at home. Caden was doing his part, as were my family and everyone else, and yet, here I was, sitting in the room where I was supposed to be getting ready, just down the hallway from the ballroom where I’d be getting married, and I suddenly felt really fucking sick to my stomach.