“I’m guessing your appointment with the doctor didn’t go as you wanted.” She sobered. “Are you all right?”
“I’m good, Bean. It’s mostly just precaution. Doc doesn’t want me running with my cracked ribs.”
“Do they hurt much?”
“No. How are you?”
“Good.”
She didn’t sound good. “Don’t bullshit me, Sierra. This is the guy who held your hand for hours in the dark, remember?”
She sighed. “I’m very happy to be home, don’t get me wrong.”
“But?” Grover asked.
“I just…one second I’m happy, the next I’m angry, and the next I’m so depressed, I wonder why the hell I even survived.”
Her words didn’t surprise Grover in the least. “That’s normal,” he told her.
She snorted. “Well, normal sucks.”
“It does. How are your parents?”
“They’re great. Amazing. It was so good to see them in the airport in Denver. They both cried, and I haven’t seen my dad cry…ever. We stayed up all night that first night, talking. I told them a little about what I went through—not all of it, just the basics—and they told me about everything I’ve missed in the last year.”
“Everything?” Grover joked.
“Yeah, well, all the big things that happened here in Leadville, at least. The biggest news in our tiny town is about this spinster woman—I know, that’s not the nicest thing to call her, but it’s true. She’s seventy-two and hasn’t ever been married. Anyway…Betty got married! I guess she met a man who came to Leadville on vacation with his grown kids and their families. They met at a restaurant downtown near where he was staying. His wife died a decade ago, and he and Betty hit it off. He’s only fifty-nine, but he extended his vacation and then, two weeks later, came back. Three months after that, he asked her to marry him, and now he lives in town with Betty.”
Grover smiled. He loved hearing the happiness in Sierra’s tone. “That’s great.”
“It really is.” A short silence fell between them before Sierra said, “Grover?”
“Yeah, Bean?”
“I miss you.”
His heart skipped a beat. “God, I miss you too,” he breathed.
“I feel so off-kilter. One second I’m happy to be here with my parents, and the next I just want to be alone. But then as soon as I’m alone, I freak out. Which is stupid, since I was alone most of the time in the caves.”
“It’s not stupid,” Grover said. “I’m not a therapist, and I’m not sure I have the right words to help you, but like I said, it’s pretty normal. On the one hand, your brain knows that you’re safe and free of captivity, but you got used to your circumstances over there. You had to compensate for what was happening to you, made being alone your new normal. It’ll take time to acclimate, Sierra. Go easy on yourself.”
“I’m trying. I honestly didn’t think I needed to go to that Refuge place. I thought everyone was just trying to coddle me. Now I’m not so sure.”
“I think it might be a good idea to move up the time frame that we go,” Grover told her.
“Oh, but…I wasn’t hinting at that,” Sierra protested. “Honestly. I’m sure it’s just because it’s only been a few days. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ve had nightmares,” Grover admitted. He hadn’t told anyone else about his horrible dreams. Not even his teammates, who he shared just about everything with.
“You have?” she asked quietly.
“Yeah.”
“Do you…can you talk about them?”
“They’re about you,” Grover said.
“Me?”
“Uh-huh. We’re back in those caves, and Shahzada drags me out of my cell to torture me and after he straps me up, he brings you out. Then he starts beating you, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. He doesn’t stop. You’re bleeding and begging him for mercy, but he doesn’t. I can’t get loose to help you, I can’t do anything but watch.”
“Shit, Grover. I’m okay. I’m fine.”
He went on. “And just when I’m about to break free of the ropes they tied me with, you look up and ask me why I took so long to find you. Then I wake up.”
“Oh, Grover…” She sounded so sad.
He regretted telling her. He should’ve made up something else, but he hadn’t been thinking straight. “I just…I wouldn’t mind spending some time with you at The Refuge without having to worry about the Taliban or anyone coming to grab us in the middle of the night to beat on us.”
“I don’t think my mom would understand if I left too soon,” she admitted.
“Two weeks?” Grover asked. He’d need to talk to Brick and see if he even had space for them earlier than they’d planned, but somehow, he’d make it work.
“Well…um, I think that would work,” Sierra said quietly. “I don’t understand how I can be so erratic. I’m safe. I’m home with my parents, who love me. And yet, I feel…unsettled.”
“That’s all normal,” he insisted once more.
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“I feel so horribly guilty,” she whispered, “because every now and then, I have the brief thought that I wish I was still back there. Which is insane. I mean, why would I even think that?”
Grover hadn’t wanted to hold someone as badly as he wanted to hold Sierra at that moment. “Because it was what you knew for so long. You knew what to expect when you were there. There weren’t too many surprises. Now, every day is probably something new, despite the familiar surroundings. You’re talking to people you haven’t seen in years, who are probably asking uncomfortable questions, and you’re trying to pretend you’re perfectly fine, when inside you aren’t sure you are.”
“My mom had her hairdresser come to the house yesterday,” Sierra said. “I kinda just wanted my dad to shave my head again, and do it evenly, so my hair would grow back at the same rate and I could decide what to do with it later. But Mom insisted her girl could ‘fix me.’ It hurt to hear her say that. I know she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but it still hurt. Then I could see the horror and pity in the hairdresser’s eyes. It was awful. You never looked at me like that. I thought you would, but you—and all your friends—just kind of ignored the fact that my hair looked like a three-year-old had gotten hold of it.”
“You. Are. Amazing,” Grover said slowly, enunciating each word. “You were covered in dirt and had been in captivity for a fucking year, but you still reached out to comfort me despite knowing if Shahzada had gotten wind of it, you would’ve suffered. If you want to know the truth, I thought you looked a hell of a lot better than I thought you would. I expected you to be rocking in a corner.”
“That would’ve made them too damn happy,” Sierra muttered.
“Exactly. I wish I could tell you that the stares and looks of pity will stop, but they probably won’t. People never know what to say or how to treat someone like us. Someone who’s been through hell and come out the other side. With time, the looks will stop bothering you, but for now, the only thing you can do is ignore them. You know how strong you are. You know that you conned those assholes into shaving your head. It was for the best, and we both know it. One day at a time, Bean. There will be bad days and there will be good ones. You just have to put one foot in front of the other and take things day by day. Okay?”