At that moment, I knew that my brother had forgiven me. I didn’t regret what I’d done, and maybe Damon didn’t regret it anymore, either. Forgiveness had been given, nonetheless. The shadows and ghosts that Jassin had put between us were finally gone, and over time, his terrible legacy would fade into nothing. Just as he deserved.
The door closed behind Damon with a gentle sound, and suddenly I was grateful he and Matthew were gone—if they’d lingered, they would’ve seen my tears. I roughly wiped them away with the heels of my hands.
I hadn’t cried this much since I was a child. It was like I’d been moving through life as a dragon, covered in a hard exterior, breathing fire at every threat. Then Belanor had come along and ripped off every scale, one by one, and doused the flames inside me. Now water and sorrow were all that remained.
With a shuddering breath, I faced the empty loft. I could hear Emma in the bathroom, singing a Pink Floyd song at the top of her lungs. God, she was bad. The beginnings of a smile began at the corners of my mouth… until I looked toward that bedroom again. Another memory of Collith flickered, like an old television coming into focus.
Please forgive me. Please.
The echoes of his voice faded just as a sound came from down the hall. It was a faint smattering, of sorts, like there was a small creature trapped within the walls, scratching to get out. Swiping at my eyes again, I followed it into the laundry room.
I found the source of the noise instantly. Hearing my footsteps, Hello poked her head out from the hole in her pink, plastic box. The floor was covered in gray cat litter. The kitten looked at me with wide eyes, bright with innocence. “Little beast,” I muttered.
There was a broom tucked next to the washer. Eager for distractions, desperate to stay busy, I tended to the litter box. After that, I started a load of laundry. Once the machine’s low hum filled the loft, I finished loading the dishwasher. I pushed the door shut, and a second later I heard Emma turn the shower off. Spinning, I leaned against the edge of the counter to contemplate what I could do next.
The stillness sent me into a strange panic. I knew that if I stayed here, and we spent the day together, Emma wouldn’t ask questions. That wasn’t her way. But I wouldn’t be able to hide the effects of what Belanor had done, either. I wouldn’t be able to avoid thoughts of Collith and how that hole in the wall had come to be. Emma would see my pain. And sometimes, pain was too raw, too fresh to be observed.
So I rushed to the hooks on the wall, snatched the van keys, and fled down the stairs. I didn’t even think to put on a coat.
Outside, the cold sank into my skin with the brutality of a thousand needles. Only my Fallen blood kept me from shivering or faltering. I made a beeline for the van, looking around as I went. There was still no sign of Finn, and Lyari hadn’t made a reappearance, either. I couldn’t wait for them.
The moment I got into the vehicle I’d inherited from the goblins, I cranked up the volume on the stereo. Music battered at my eardrums. Throwing the gear into reverse, I tore down the driveway in a spew of gravel and noise.
Ten minutes later, I was in town. Keeping my promise to Nym, my first stop was at an antique store. I picked out a clock that looked like it was meant for a mantle, its outside made of oak wood. Its ticking was inaudible, a detail I liked, for some reason. I put my purchase in the van and headed for Bea’s.
The warmth enveloped me like an embrace, and as I wiped my feet on the rug, it suddenly felt easier to breathe. To exist without the ever-constant urge to cry. Exhaling, I pocketed the van keys and walked up to the bar, feeling more like myself with every step. Here, I knew the smells and the faces as if they were part of me. Here, most of the memories were safe and mundane. There were also distractions in abundance. I rested my hands on the counter and turned, taking in the familiar setting. Angela walked past the row of booths holding a coffee pot in each hand, looking harassed as ever.
“Seat yourself,” she said in passing. There was no glimmer of recognition in her face, and it took me a few seconds to remember that I wore a magical disguise. My co-worker had looked at me and seen the plain-faced stranger I’d met in the mirror last night.
Five minutes, I told myself. I’d take off the ring for five minutes, long enough to find Bea and explain everything. Fear trickled through my veins at the thought of putting her in danger. It had only been a day since I’d torn Belanor’s mind to shreds, though—if he did manage to heal and awaken, it would take much longer than that.
No one had noticed me standing there yet. I took a breath and slid the ring up my finger, then pocketed it.
“Fortuna?”
Hearing this, I put my back to the main room, tucking the ring away. A smile had already stretched across my face. “Hey, Gretchen.”
The kind-eyed human circled the counter to reach me. Like Emma, Gretchen’s small stature didn’t affect the strength of her arms. She pulled me close and made a happy sound. “Danny mentioned you were back! I had to stop Bea from driving over there in the middle of the night. We figured you’d need some time to recuperate. It’s so good to see you, sweetheart.”
Shit, I thought. I should’ve mentioned to Danny that I’d been hoping to keep my return quiet.
“What is…” I started. Gretchen released me, leaning back to see my face, and I hesitated. “What is everyone saying? About where I’ve been?”
Bea’s partner moved to get back behind the bar, speaking as she went, “All we knew was that there was an attack on the hospital. No one was killed, thankfully, but there were several people injured and it looked as though you’d been taken. Now that you’re back, I’m sure the sheriff will want to ask some questions. Don’t worry, though, all of that can be dealt with later. For now, you look like you could use a hot meal and some coffee.”
“Thanks, Gretchen. I just ate, but coffee sounds great.”
“Coming right up.” She beamed and moved to get a mug.
At that moment, a figure swept out of the hallway that led to the back. I blinked when I realized it was Ariel. Carrying fresh plates of food, she bustled between the rows of tables as if she’d been doing it her entire life. No one in this bar would ever guess that she’d been playing the part of a human for months, rather than years. Her glamour was firmly in place, and it was flawless. To any mortal eye, Ariel looked like an ordinary girl with dark hair, smooth brown skin, and a delicate frame. Only I knew that the confidence of her movements was due to the grace of the fae, and the subtle muscles in her arms were from hours of training with a sword.
Why was she still here? Hadn’t anyone told her about the coup?
I was about to get her attention when Bea appeared at the far end of the bar. She said something to Gretchen, the words hushed so no customers would hear. Her features were pale and haggard. I truly had been intending to tell my boss the truth about me, especially after the cherubim had destroyed this place and forced her to shut down for repairs. Seeing her now, I knew I couldn’t. Not today, at least. Bea already had enough on her mind—she didn’t need the monumental weight of learning that an entire supernatural world existed alongside her own, unseen and deadly.
If you don’t tell her now, when will you? a pitiless inner voice challenged. Tomorrow? Next week? By then, it may be too late.