Probably for the best, I thought. Out loud I said, “Thanks.”
We headed for the vehicles together. It was bitterly cold, our every breath billowing through the air with crisp detail. Once we’d both gotten into the van, I studied Finn with weary curiosity. From what I could tell, he hadn’t changed into his wolf form during the night.
Because of you, my intuition whispered. I’d been such a mess that Finn had probably stayed in this shape as a precaution.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked, putting the key in the ignition. The engine turned over with a violent sputter, and Finn guided us down the frozen driveway.
“I don’t know,” I said. All I knew was that I had to move, get away, get out. I rolled the window down and the frigid, sharp-edged wind rushed over me, cooling my hot skin.
Finn took me to Adam’s.
We didn’t say much on the way there. While he maneuvered the van next to the curb, revealing where he’d decided to go, I caught a glimpse of Finn’s eyes. They were always gold, a result of being forced to remain in his wolf form at the Unseelie Court… but now they were glowing. It was like seeing Gil with his fangs extended. We were all of us wild things, I thought, and it was a mistake to pretend otherwise.
“Go,” I told Finn. “Run. Hunt. I’ll be okay.”
He looked toward the horizon, as if the wolf were hearing a call. After a second or two, he reached over and squeezed one of my hands in both of his, then let go. Finn left the van in a burst of winter, closing the door behind him, and headed straight for those distant trees. I grabbed my gym bag from the backseat and pocketed the keys. Cold sank into my bones the moment I got out. At the door of Adam’s shop, I turned around for one more sighting of Finn, but he was long gone.
Thirsty again, I decided to enter through the office, where I knew there was a water cooler. I quickly discovered it was empty, and I’d just put the tiny paper cup back when Adam’s broad frame filled the doorway. His dark eyes appraised me, and I saw his nostrils give a subtle flare. His silence couldn’t be because of the strange face I wore—I’d explained about the goblin ring the night I brought Gil here. Heat burned in my cheeks as I realized that I probably smelled like a bar.
“I’m… dealing with some things,” I said lamely.
Without a word, the vampire strode across the room, took a plastic bottle out of a mini fridge, and moved to stand in front of me. He held the water out. I accepted it, noting the oil stains marring the paper label. During the past few weeks, I’d gotten stains just like it on my skin and clothes—it was a hazard of spending time with a mechanic. Smiling faintly, I twisted the cap off and tipped my head back, pressing the edge of the bottle to my lips.
“Can’t train right now,” Adam said, his gaze averted. Belatedly, I realized that I’d been gulping the water, making my throat move. To a vampire, this was like waving a blood bag before them.
“It’s okay,” I responded. “I don’t think I can train right now, either.”
Adam inclined his shaved head. “Kitchen is back there if you want to make yourself some breakfast. Shower is available, too.”
“Ouch. Noted.”
I’d been hoping to make him smile, but no such luck. Adam nodded at me before striding out of the office. I followed him, wondering if he’d put Gil to work on the cars. There was no sign of my new friend. Deciding to take Adam up on his offer, I started toward the bathroom, walking past his business partner. She was a middle-aged human named Winona, and like the vampire she worked with, she kept to herself. All I could see were her boots, peeking out from beneath a truck. Knowing her dislike for small talk, I didn’t try to extend a greeting as I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.
I’d never used Adam’s shower before, and I was relieved to find it was impressively clean for a bachelor. He didn’t seem to own any body wash, but there was a bar of soap and some shampoo. I also found a tube of toothpaste, and I brushed my teeth with my finger, scrubbing vigorously. Once I was clean again, dressed in the clean set of workout clothes from my bag, I crossed the shop again and hurried into the kitchen.
The plan was to make scrambled eggs for everyone, but my gaze immediately went to two bottles on the countertop. One was tequila, and the other cheap whiskey. I walked over to them, and the only sounds in the room drifted from the garage behind me—rock music and power tools.
Despite my decision back at the loft, I found myself reaching for the whiskey. A little hair of the dog, maybe? I mused. It would help the hangover, and it would also do something about the feelings that had gathered in my chest since Collith’s visit. I tilted the bottle back and forth, watching the fluorescent light glint off the glass.
I felt Gil an instant before he arrived. The newborn strolled into the kitchen and took the scene in with a single glance. We both pretended that his attention didn’t flick, however briefly, toward the pulse in my throat. “What are we drinking, then?” he asked finally, stopping.
“Anything but me.” I slid one of the bottles down the counter, and he caught it in a blur of movement. “Tequila is always fun.”
“Tequila it is. I think I saw an expired box of orange juice in the fridge. We can make ourselves some screwdrivers.”
I grinned at him. “Perfect.”
The morning passed faster than I thought it would. Gilbert Payne was extremely tolerable company, especially now that he’d been feeding regularly. He looked better, too—there was color in his cheeks, and his features weren’t as sharp as they’d been in the throes of his hunger.
At the bottom of every drink, I considered going across the street and having those conversations with Bea and Cyrus I’d been putting off. But then I would pour again, filling our glasses to the brim. One more, I started telling myself. Just one more.
A slant of light crept slowly over the room, moving like the hand of a clock. Gil and I talked about small things, light things. Traveling, tattooing, my family. Every once in a while, a bolt of guilt struck me, shame over the fact that I was getting shitfaced here when I’d just been reunited with my family. Belanor was out there, too, and even if we were in another ceasefire, I needed to stay vigilant. Then I’d take a gulp from my glass, and the sharp pain faded.
The absence of that pain made it easier to examine all the truths I’d been avoiding.
“I didn’t even bother to find out who he was, you know,” I said suddenly, making another screwdriver. It would be the last one, since we were almost out of orange juice. Ice clattered as I dropped the frozen cubes into my glass.
Gil burped. He was still on his feet, and I’d settled onto the barstool across from him. “Who?”
“A man I killed during the third trial to become the Unseelie Queen. They tied him to a chair, and I stabbed him with my father’s knife. He couldn’t even defend himself.” The memory screamed through me. I saw the dead man’s face twisted in a grimace of pain. With a grimace of my own, I pressed my cold glass against my forehead. I didn’t meet Gil’s eyes as I continued, “I made sure that Shameek was buried, and his family knew how to find him, but I never gave the other man a second thought.”
“Why think about him now?” Gil asked.
There was no judgment in his tone, but I still couldn’t bring myself to look up. Now my mind’s eye filled with Gwyn’s face, and I heard the grim satisfaction in her voice. Someday you will be just like me.