“Those aren’t usually words people use freely,” the human remarked.
Her words felt like a pinch on my heart—hope. I didn’t know what to say, so Consuelo threw another lifeline. She asked a new question, and I answered it. Our conversation felt like someone forcing a fistful of secrets open, one by one, finger by finger.
Despite this, I forgot to watch the clock again. I only knew our time was up when Consuelo closed her notepad. “After our session today, I will be emailing you a list,” she told me. “Sexual assault support groups can be a life changing experience for many survivors.”
“Support groups?” I echoed. I shook my head. “No. That’s okay. I’m not interested in spilling my guts with an audience.”
“Many people find the idea intimidating,” Consuelo acknowledged, getting to her feet. “But everyone is there for the same reason. It can be healing, talking to others who’ve been through experiences like yours.”
“Interesting. Look, thanks for fitting me into your schedule. I know you made an exception for this.” I walked through the waiting room and into the winter night. Consuelo lingered in the doorway.
“I was glad to do it. Please reach out anytime,” she called. I waved, then dug out my keys.
The van was empty when I got in, but it didn’t stay that way long—I’d just pulled onto the highway when my senses were assailed by the smell of springtime. “You need to replace this repulsive little vehicle. It reeks of goblin,” a velvet voice said.
“I wondered when you were going to show up.” I looked over at Laurie, and in an instant I was very aware that I hadn’t even showered today. He wore a pinstriped suit, his hair artlessly tousled. A subtle, enticing cologne wafted through the small space.
Laurie leaned his temple against the headrest and gave me a faint smile. His eyes had the glaze of someone who’d had a cocktail or two at the business meeting. “I’ve been preoccupied since the opera.”
“Preoccupied with your campaign?” I asked. I heard the bite in my tone, and I wasn’t sure why it was there. Maybe Laurie hadn’t noticed.
Oh, he noticed. It was obvious in how he’d paused. I waited for Laurie to ask why I even cared, but he merely rolled down the window, just a crack, allowing enough air in that it rustled his perfect hair like ripples through a glassy lake. Thinking it would be like this for the rest of the drive, I let out a breath.
Then Laurie asked, “What were you doing out here?”
“Uh, I was—”
“Wait, sorry, you got a text from Lyari. She says, and I quote, ‘You’re smothering me.’ What did you do?” Laurie lowered my phone and looked at me with raised brows.
My lips twitched. “I asked her how she was.”
“Oh, well, then her annoyance is quite justified. So?”
“So, what?”
“Where were you tonight?” he repeated.
“I was at therapy,” I blurted. Even though I’d been intending to say something vague, the truth slipped out of me. I reminded myself that Laurie had been to Consuelo’s office before, so it wasn’t as if he didn’t know, anyway.
And the truth was, I already had enough choices to be ashamed of. Seeking help wouldn’t be one of them, not anymore.
As I waited for his response, Laurie peered through the windshield, tracking the progress of something in the sky. “Does your therapist know?”
“Know what?”
“What you are.”
“Oh. No, she doesn’t. Weirdly enough, that hasn’t really mattered. I guess humans and fallen angels aren’t as different as we’d like to believe.” I smiled faintly, amused at the thought.
The rings on Laurie’s fingers flashed as he changed the radio station, twisting the knob with his usual grace. He didn’t ask anything else about my therapy, and as the silence continued, relief weaved through the tangle of emotions in my chest, loosening them. I shifted in my seat and pressed down harder on the gas pedal. There wasn’t much to see beyond the windows, but the headlights made signs brighten every so often, and the skyline was a smear of somber colors.
It was strange, sitting in silence with Laurie. He wasn’t usually capable of it. After a few more seconds, I started to frown. Was something wrong? I glanced over at him, and in an instant, the tension left me again. It was obvious Laurie had gotten lost in thought—leaning on the headrest, his face slightly turned, he stared out at the night without expression.
There were a countless number of things he could’ve been thinking about, but I knew exactly who occupied Laurie’s mind. I knew, because it was the same for me.
“How is he?” I asked softly.
I saw Laurie’s head turn. I kept my eyes on the road, but I didn’t need to be looking at him to know he’d raised his eyebrows, creating the expression of pretend shock that made me want to hit something. Usually him.
“You’re asking about Collith’s well-being? Did Hell freeze over?” Laurie looked down at his feet as if he could see through the bottom of the car and into the other dimension.
I knew this was the part where I rolled my eyes. But then I heard Lensa’s voice, saw the worry in the pinched lines around her mouth as she told me, He acts like himself around you. An unexpected warmth filled my chest. “Just answer the question,” I said, pretending to be exasperated.
Laurie rolled his head against the back of the chair, facing forward, and gazed up at the waning moon. “He spends most of his time at the safe house,” he replied with a shrug. “He exercises. He reads. He broods. Very Collith-like things.”
I spoke without thinking. “Have you two…”
Though I caught myself, Laurie knew exactly what I’d been about to ask, of course. He smirked at me. “Have we… what?”
“Nothing. Never mind. It’s none of my business.” I hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt. Driving. You should be concentrating on driving, Fortuna. I checked my mirrors with such intensity that I felt sixteen again, taking the exam for my license.
“Jealous?” he asked.
The old Fortuna would have lied. She would’ve had a retort or an insult ready, skilled as any faerie at dodging the truth. But I could feel another answer filling my throat, too. I didn’t let myself think about it, because if I did, I knew I would just talk myself out of it.
“Yes,” I said simply.
Laurie paused. If I weren’t so nervous, I would’ve laughed at the expression on his face. “I see,” he said eventually. “We need to rectify that. Now, I’m far too pretentious to ravage you in the backseat of a foul van, but if we use the Door at the Unseelie Court, I’d be glad to—”
“You know,” I interjected, “I haven’t heard from you lately. I’ve really enjoyed it.”
“To answer the question you so rudely asked,” Laurie started.
“I didn’t—”
“No, we haven’t fucked. For two reasons.” He began to tick them off on his fingers. “The first one is that Lensa, too, is residing at the safe house, along with a few others. Now that Belanor is awake, the palace is no longer a safe place for them, you see. We deviated from the plan the night of our escape, and their involvement could be discovered during the investigation. Anyway, the point is, fucking someone in a place that reeks like my sister and our friends would not be an experience I’d enjoy. And secondly, but perhaps more importantly, when you kill your ex’s mother, it effectively ends whatever potential there was to revive the relationship.”