Home > Beautiful Nightmares (Fortuna Sworn #4)(176)

Beautiful Nightmares (Fortuna Sworn #4)(176)
Author: K.J. Sutton

Retreating, I glanced down at what I’d fallen asleep in. My visitor would have to wait a big longer. Realizing that I hadn’t brushed my teeth in fourteen hours, I rushed to the bathroom. The hunger pangs started while I was in there, proving Emma right for what felt like the millionth time. Later, I promised myself, thinking of the person on that porch.

Once I was dressed, my long hair scraped back into a ponytail, I moved toward the stairwell. As I went, I reached out with my senses, borrowing some of Finn’s power to enhance my own. Nym was in his room, pacing and muttering under his breath. Damon, Danny, and Matthew were still sleeping, their breathing deep and their heartbeats steady. Lyari wasn’t asleep, from what I could tell, but she was also in her room. Emma was in the bathroom, humming to herself while water ran into the sink.

It had become habit, checking on my family every morning. Even though we’d beaten Belanor, and the immediate danger had passed, I was afraid for them. I’d made too many enemies. It would never be completely safe for the people I loved, which meant I always needed to be on guard.

Reassured that all was well, I lifted my coat off the hook. Its weight settled upon my shoulders while I hurried down the steps and out the other door. Seconds later, I emerged into the frozen morning, immediately seeking that bright figure with my gaze. He wasn’t looking back at me. Something about his profile made me uneasy, or maybe it was his posture. He never stood that stiffly. Frowning now, I crossed the short distance between the barn and the house, then ascended the familiar, time-beaten steps.

At the other end of the porch, Laurie stood with his back to me. He was dressed in a flawlessly-tailored white suit, his hair a splash of brilliance in the solemn dawn. He wore his crown again, the same one I’d seen on Belanor’s head when I first awoke in the palace. The lit end of a cigarette set Laurie’s hand aglow.

Seeing it brought another conversation to mind. I drew closer and imagined Collith standing next to Laurie, his back to me, too, just as it had been when I’d come upon them the night Naevys died.

I thought you quit.

I only indulge myself when the sorrow is too much to bear.

“Are you just going to stare at it?” I asked finally, knowing the suddenness of my question wouldn’t startle him. Laurie would’ve heard the door open, heard every footstep I took. I walked down the length of the porch and halted at his side. The view from this side of the house wasn’t anything significant—it was only the garage and a line of naked trees.

“I don’t like the way they make my breath smell,” Laurie replied without turning. His voice was absent. Keeping his focus on those distant trees, my friend tapped the cigarette with his usual fluidity. Sparks tumbled through the air and faded before they hit the ground. “Sometimes I just like to hold one.”

Oddly enough, learning this small thing about Laurie made him seem more human. I considered asking him what was wrong, but it was such an obvious question for people like us; our lives were an ever-turning wheel of chaos and turmoil. His twin brother had just died. Regardless of the relationship between them, that must’ve had an effect.

As I searched for a safe topic, I realized Laurie still hadn’t told me why he was here. I was about to breach the silence again when he said, “I’m returning to the Seelie Court today, and I’m afraid you won’t see me for a while.”

My first instinct was to argue with him. I didn’t believe the war was over, not like Laurie seemed to. Belanor had just been a tool. A weapon. His wielder was still out there somewhere.

My second instinct, which hit while I was still fighting the first, was pain. Laurie is leaving. The thought felt like a piece of debris lodging in my heart. It meant something that he’d come here so formally, spoken with such uncharacteristic reserve.

Laurie was saying goodbye.

But I didn’t say any of this out loud. I allowed the tension to linger between us for another moment or two, waiting for my emotions to settle like the final gust of a storm. When I deemed it safe to speak again, my voice was calm, revealing nothing of the wreckage inside me. “How long is ‘a while,’ in the mind of a faerie?”

Twisting his lips in thought, Laurie tossed the cigarette with a flick of his long fingers. The wooden boards beneath our feet were protected by a layer of ice, so there was no risk of causing damage as he put the embers out beneath his boot. “Rest assured,” Laurie said, grinding the bits of light with his heel, “it won’t be in terms of years. I still owe you a boon. Also, someone needs to make sure you remember what an orgasm is.”

It hadn’t been too long ago a comment like that would’ve made me snort. To hide the effect it had on me now—it felt like the parts of my body that he’d touched, kissed, and licked came alive, tingling and throbbing—I rolled my eyes. “Oh, you think you’re just so funny, don’t you?”

“Incorrect. I know I’m funny.” Laurie winked. He reached forward and rested some of his weight on the porch banister, entirely unbothered by the snow against his bare skin.

I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. My gaze dropped down to where we both gripped the railing, our hands inches apart. Why did the distance feel like so much more, though?

“I’ll miss you.” I said it quietly, like a confession. Strange that I should be afraid to say three such simple words when Laurie had seen all of me. Not just my body, but all the rest—the good, the bad, the murderous. He knew my thoughts before I did, sometimes. So of course he already knew that I’d miss him.

And yet, despite knowing the truth, Laurie hadn’t expected to hear me say it. Startled, he finally met my gaze. Now that he’d faced the horizon, his skin was tinted gold from the rising sun and strands of his hair caught the light. His Dondarte eyes weren’t just silver, I discovered as I tipped my head back. There were thin, delicate strands of blue tucked within the starlight. How had I never noticed it before?

“Don’t look at me like that,” Laurie said hoarsely.

Heat spread through my lower stomach. Fire. You’re playing with fire, Fortuna, that inner voice cautioned. For good reason, too—I’d been burned so many times. Laurie had scars of his own. To protect both of us, I needed to change the subject. Steer the conversation back into safe territory.

Instead, I heard myself ask, “Why not?”

Laurie stood very, very still. He searched my face, and whatever he saw there made his gaze intensify. The mask he’d been wearing cracked, letting me see the vulnerable male beneath.

“Because it gives me hope,” Laurie said. The truth of his feelings for me shone from his eyes.

If we’d been playing with fire before, we may as well have been surrounded by it now. My eyes fell to Laurie’s lips, and I couldn’t help it—I thought about leaning forward. Kissing him how he’d kissed me at the Unseelie Court. Kissing him in the way I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since we’d spent the day in that enormous, rumpled bed framed with velvet curtains.

I began to raise my hand, on the verge of bringing Laurie’s face down to mine.

Wait, I thought. My hand faltered. There was a reason I’d been resisting this, and being near Laurie always seemed to make me forget. But I remembered now—I couldn’t give him hope when there was none. Not for us. And it wasn’t because he was a faerie, or because the memory of Collith always seemed to be standing between us.

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