The panic hit me like it had all happened yesterday. On the riverbank, in the same spot where Finn and I had once battled those strange creatures—those strange creatures I had created, a fact which I hadn’t let myself think about this week—I stopped and bent over, bracing my hands against my knees. Only one thought pounded at me now, beating in my ears like a second heartbeat.
I wanted a drink. God, I wanted a drink.
No. Focus on something else. I straightened and did my dad’s breathing techniques. Slowly, my mind began to clear. I became aware of Finn, who stood so close that our breath collided in the air. The instant our gazes met, he let out a low whine. My friend must’ve felt what was happening through the bond.
“I’m okay,” I told him. “Really, Finn, I’m fine.”
Apparently the werewolf didn’t believe me, because when I walked away from the river, he stayed within reach. I was back in control, though. Instead of memories, I filled my head with the same thought I’d been having on every morning run lately. What do I want to do next? For what felt like the first time in years, the days loomed before me, free of obligation or danger. I’d been working my way through a list, staying busy every hour that I was awake and had no Oliver to distract me, as he’d been doing all week. There were still several things I hadn’t gotten to. Research veterinary programs. Laundry. Pay a visit to Nym. I needed to see Bea, as well.
Bea.
With Belanor dead, I knew I should go to the bar and ask for my job back, but something kept stopping me—an image that popped into my head every time I imagined how the conversation would go. I couldn’t keep working for Bea and lying to her, so asking for my job back meant telling her the truth about Fallenkind. About me.
Bea was a human who saw the world in black and white, though. There were no shades of gray. If I revealed the world she didn’t see, she might look at the real me with… fear.
That was the image I couldn’t shut out.
Tomorrow. I’ll talk to Bea tomorrow. Shame intermingled with relief, but not enough to change my decision. With Finn at my side, I turned in the direction of home. The adrenaline rattling through me had begun to slow, and suddenly the wintry air was painful, rather than refreshing. Shivering, I shoved my hands in my pockets, then twitched in surprise when something pressed against my knuckles. I frowned and pulled a small card out, its hard surface partially bent now. Jacob Goldmann.
It was the potential contact Dracula had given me. I thought back to the day I’d taken this card from the vampire’s fingers, and his silken voice whispered through my memory.
Most of what my contacts know about Nightmares comes from stories that have been passed down. But there was one who said he’d be willing to speak with you—he was married to a Nightmare, many years ago, until she was killed.
Excitement made me halt. Why hadn’t I ever used this information? I’d never even called the number. Had it been circumstance… or cowardice?
Sensing the shift in my mood, Finn moved to stand in front of me. I tried to send a warm rush of reassurance down the bond, but I was still gazing down at the card. Considering the consequences of using it. Because if Goldmann was truly able to help me, if he had any helpful information at all, it could change everything. I might be able to repeat what I’d done at the river and in my bedroom as a child. Except this time, someone could actually benefit from it.
Ollie.
Since learning the truth about my abilities, I’d been stalling. Doing anything to avoid thinking about the true extent of what I was capable of. Not because it prompted the memory of the binding spell, or the fear in my parents’ eyes, but out of pure selfishness.
The truth was… if I set Oliver free and gave him a life in this world, he’d never be able to return to ours. The one we’d created together. For seventeen years, the dreamscape had been my haven. A place where everything made sense and nothing bad could happen. To lose that would feel like losing a part of myself. Because Ollie was that place. Without him, it was nothing but a gray horizon and a few blades of grass.
But he deserved better. Oliver had spent his entire life putting my needs ahead of his own, tucking his dreams away to protect me from mine. Slowly, I reached into my other pocket and pulled out the feather he’d given me. The feather I’d barely thought about, since Finn had been possessed. Maybe I’d allowed myself to forget about it. I stared down at my hands, wavering.
I’d already given in to fear once today. There wouldn’t be a second time.
I took a steadying breath, pulled my phone out, and unlocked the screen. Without letting myself think about it, I typed Goldmann’s number in and called it. Finn spotted another rabbit, and he turned from me to watch its every movement.
“I’m sorry, but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet. Goodbye.”
Of course. I lowered the phone and stared at it, my lips twisted in thought. Still holding the card in my other hand, I traced the letters of Goldmann’s name with the tip of my thumb. An idea took hold. Unlocking my phone again, I typed the area code into a search engine. It was from a small town in Florida.
I lifted my head, chewing my lower lip in thought. After a few seconds, I realized I was staring in the direction of the Unseelie Court. Or, more specifically, the Door that could take me anywhere in the world.
Purpose filled my veins, better than any cocktail or endorphin rush. I knew what I was going to do today.
Finn moved into my line of sight, forcefully reminding me of his presence. I’d been so deep in thought that I’d half-forgotten him and where I was. Worry trickled from his mind and there was a question in his round, bright eyes.
“I have an errand to run,” I told him. “I’d love some company, if you’re interested in taking a cross-country trip. It won’t take more than a couple hours… probably.”
Finn’s response was to turn around and lope up a shallow hill. He paused at the top and cocked his head. Are you coming?
His voice sounded within my skull, and a violent jolt of shock went through me. Finn’s words were as clear as they would be if we were speaking on the phone. I hadn’t known the Blood Vow, as he’d called it, could make this possible. Gil had never tried it. Being bonded to another creature was entirely new to him. But Finn…
Finn was a werewolf. He was pack. Speaking to someone else without saying a single word out loud was what felt right to him. What felt normal. I could feel the new confidence emanating from Finn’s being, shining like a newborn star. He hadn’t even asked what kind of errand we were on, I realized as I watched him sprint ahead again. I wrapped my arms around myself and followed the trail he created through the snow.
My plan was simple. Jacob Goldmann lived in a small town, and small towns tended to have dive bars. Dive bars still had things like payphones and phonebooks. It was a long shot, but I’d search every phonebook I could find for Jacob Goldmann’s address. If he wouldn’t answer my calls, then I’d just drop by. Dracula wouldn’t connect me with someone who was dangerous.
Would he?
If I thought about it too much, I’d probably talk myself out of going. Now that I’d faced my fear, I was suddenly desperate to learn more about my abilities. Every day that passed was another day Oliver could’ve been here. I was still anxious about how bringing him out of the dreamscape would affect both of us, but that didn’t matter. We’d figure it out. I would do whatever it took to help Oliver experience the life he deserved.