I shook my head. “What are you talking about, Gil? It gives to you? You haven’t borrowed any of my power, I would’ve felt it.”
“Just shut up and let me try to put it into words.” He sat preternaturally still, his angular features sharpening from the intensity of his thoughts. “Before I met you in that wretched cell, I was alone in the world. Oh, I had Nicky, of course, but I had no family of my own. I’d come home to my empty apartment every night and get high just to avoid the loneliness. Now all of that has changed. Even if I go back to that empty apartment, I know I’ll never feel lonely again. It’s the same for the werewolf, by the way—I’ve heard his thoughts. God, it’s annoying. Fortuna this and Fortuna that. The guy needs to get a hobby. Hey, is Tinder still a thing?”
“Gil.”
“You’re right, I’m getting off track. My point is, the spell you cast was just a connection, Sworn. But that connection is what allows us to know each other in a way few people get to experience. How could we not love, after that? How could we not come to cherish those glimpses, or knowing that every time we reach out, there will always be someone on the other end?
“And before you get worried, no, it’s not that sort of love,” Gil added, getting back to his feet in a blur. “Even now, I wouldn’t fuck you to save my own life.”
He flopped back onto the couch. I watched him, my lips twisted in thought. There was a lot to unpack about everything he’d just said. I had never seen Gil so earnest, and he’d essentially put words to the same things I’d been feeling. But in spite of all that… there was still a possibility none of it was real. Magic wasn’t always a show and a bang; sometimes it was a whisper in a dream, influencing us where we were most vulnerable.
My head throbbed anew, and suddenly I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. At least not tonight.
I deliberately focused on the last part of Gil’s short speech. “Did you just say that you’d rather die than have sex with me?” I asked with raised brows.
The vampire pretended to contemplate this. “I suppose when you put it that way… yeah,” he said.
“You’re an asshole.”
“That may be, but I’m your asshole, darling.” Gil hooked an arm around my neck and yanked me close, pressing an obnoxious kiss against my temple. “And if you ever tell anyone I said all this horribly sappy shit, I’ll rip your guts out and feed them to the fishies in the Thames, bond or no bond.”
I shoved him away, scowling. Gil snickered and jumped up again, ambling toward the kitchen as if he were taking a stroll through London. He opened the fridge and took out a blood bag, which he’d stored here while we were waiting for Belanor and the final showdown. Adam obtained the bags through means I’d never wanted to know specifics about.
“If you don’t use a glass, Emma will yell at you,” I called.
Even Gil didn’t have the stamina to go up against the old woman. The silverware drawer slid open, then I listened to him open the door to the microwave. There were a few beeps. Gil cursed, and this was followed by more beeping. A familiar hum ventured into the stillness. In the meantime, I checked my phone and realized that I’d missed two texts coming in.
The first was from Damon. More tension left my body as I read it. Thanks for the head’s up. We’ll hang out at Danny’s. Let me know when she leaves. You can explain your text about Matthew when we get back.
The other was from Lyari. Hers was more worrisome. I’m fine. Be back tomorrow, the brief message read.
I reread it, frowning. What could Lyari possibly be doing that would make her ignore my panicked summons earlier? Maybe I’m asking the wrong question, I thought, looking down at the text again. What could Lyari possibly be doing that would make her miss my panicked summons?
Gil had just flopped back onto the couch—he’d put a metal straw in his cup, and it rattled against the rim—when the bathroom door opened.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and stood reluctantly. Savannah stopped in front of me, her eyes downcast. I wondered if she’d left the couch between us by design. The gown she’d been wearing when she first arrived was gone, replaced by a pair of Emma’s whitewashed jeans and a sweater that read, MERRY CANNABIS on the front.
“My head is quiet now. Thank you,” Savannah whispered, her entire body quaking. Emma appeared behind her. I spared a glance at the old woman, asking her with my expression, Are you okay?
Emma gave me a soft smile and nodded. I refocused on Savannah.
“Don’t make me regret saving you,” I said, but I didn’t have the energy to make the words threatening. Walking toward the door, I swallowed a weary sigh and added, “We’d better get going. I hate walking to the Unseelie Court in the dark.”
Savannah shook her head. “You don’t need to walk me back. Really. I’ll be okay, especially now that the Witch Killer is gone.”
“I have some business there anyway. After you.” I reached for my coat. As I pulled it on, I turned toward Emma. I darted a glance at Savannah and lowered my voice to say, “We need to have another family meeting. Tonight. Will you text Damon and let him know it’s safe to come home? Oh, and tell him not to let Matthew out of his sight.”
“I’m on it.” Emma turned away, producing her phone like a magic trick.
Savannah disappeared into the stairwell. I started to follow her, thought better of it, and fixed my gaze on Gil. “Will you stick around for a bit? Keep an eye on things while I’m gone? I know Finn is here, but it never hurts to have two people keeping watch, instead of one.”
The straw made a crackling sound as he sucked on it. “You know,” the vampire drawled, “you keep saying you’re not a queen. Seems to me like you’ve been protecting this small Court since we got here.”
I scoffed. “I’m hardly protecting—”
The look he gave me made the rest of my sentence vanish. A look that said I was being dense. Oh, I thought. Gil wasn’t talking about the Unseelie Court. He was accusing me of protecting this one. My Court.
I glowered and gave him the finger. Gil raised his glass in return, his thin lips curved into a smirk. “Thanks for the straw,” the vampire said.
Mirroring his smirk, I opened the door and moved into the stairwell. I poked my head through the crack to say, “It’s Lyari’s, actually. Did I forget to mention? She puts it in her green smoothies, and that faerie has the nose of a hound. No amount of dish soap will get the smell of blood off. So… it was nice knowing you.”
I yanked the door shut just in time, and the pillow he’d thrown slammed against the wood with alarming force.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
The next morning, I woke to birdsong and sunlight.
I turned my face to the right, seeking the warmth spilling across the pillow. Hello purred against my rib cage, better than a space heater or a heated blanket. Reluctant to leave, I spent a few minutes gazing out the window. Though we were nearing the end of December, icicles just beyond the glass were melting, the cold they needed being driven out by the rising sun. I watched tiny droplets catch the light as they fell.
For the first time in months, my life felt… normal. Safe.