I don’t hold back my tears as I sink against the chair. I let it all out, crying until I didn’t think I could cry another drop. I finally force myself up, stopping in my kitchen to pour a glass of wine, the middle of the afternoon be damned. One glass will not cut it tonight, so I bring the entire bottle with me as I head for my bathroom and turn on the hot water to fill up my jacuzzi tub. I light a couple of candles, placing them around my bathroom to give a soft glow of light. I set my wine glass down on the bath tray before I toss in a bath bomb and then go snag my Kindle from my nightstand before I strip and slip into the hot water.
I sink into the water up to my chin, allowing the heat to relax my tense muscles. My head lulls back on the bath pillow—another gift from Lindsay—and I enjoy the swirling water as the jets keep things moving and hot.
I reach for my glass of wine, gulping down half of it before returning it to the tray. My cell buzzes against the wood of the tray, and I almost want to ignore it. I don’t think I can stomach talking to Lee right now. I don’t really care what he has to say to me; my heart is battered. Just in case it is someone or something important, I flip my phone over and see a text from Lindsay.
Linds: Hey! How are you holding up? Lee showed up here a little bit ago, and Tucker’s been outside with him since. Didn’t appear to be in a good mood.
Allison: I’m not. I’ve cried myself out of tears and am currently soaking away my misery both in the bath and with a bottle of wine.
Linds: Oh, babe. Want me to come over? We can have a sleepover. Watch trashy movies and eat our weight in take out and candy. I can even stop and get some ice cream or canned cinnamon rolls. I know they’re your favorite.
Allison: I don’t want to ruin your night. I’ll be fine.
Linds: We didn’t have anything important going on, just an evening at home. And even if we did have plans, you know I’d drop anything at any time to come to your aide. You’re my ride-or-die, sister from another mister. You’re stuck with me for life, woman.
Lindsay really is the best friend anyone could have. I smile at her text. They don’t come any better than she is. You’ll never find anyone more loyal, trustworthy, loving, basically the perfect person ever.
Allison: I mean, I won’t lock you out if you showed up, but I’d also feel guilty asking you to come.
Linds: Give me an hour, and I’ll be there. What flavor of ice cream do you want tonight, and what kind of candy?
Allison: Anything sweet and salty. You’re the best.
Linds: I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat. Now, let me go break it to Tucker that I’m leaving for the night. I’ll put together an overnight bag and then stop at the store before heading over. You enjoy that bath and wine. That reminds me, how's the wine supply?
Allison: I’ve got one unopened bottle in the fridge.
Linds: <adds wine to list> I’ve got it covered! See you soon.
I turn on some music before I set my phone back down, then get comfortable once again with my head on the pillow and my eyes shut. I sit this way for a long time, well past the pruned stage of relaxing in the water. Not wanting to still be in the bath when Lindsay arrives, I finally pull the plug on the water and push out of the tub. Once enough has drained out, I flip the shower on and rinse off before I get out and towel dry my now relaxed body. I slip on some lounge pants and a baggy sweatshirt. If we are having an old-fashioned sleepover with junk food and movies, I might as well be in my comfortable clothes.
“I’ve come bearing gifts!” Lindsay says as she pushes through my front door, each of her hands loaded down with at least two bags, with her overnight bag slung over a shoulder.
“Did you buy out the entire store?” I ask.
“Just the break-up slash heartbreak recovery items. Chocolate, ice cream, wine, and some grocery store Chinese.”
“Sounds like the perfect kit,” I say, taking two of the bags from her hands. I help unpack the items, putting what needs to be in the freezer or fridge away. I grab two plates, setting them on the counter so we can each make one from the take-out containers. “So, how much does Tucker hate me?” I ask, dumping some Mongolian Beef on my plate.
“He doesn’t hate you one bit,” Lindsay says as she dishes up some lo mein on her own plate. “He was actually giving Lee a piece of his mind when I stuck my head out at one point. I think he’s on your side of all this,” she says, pointing at me with her fork.
“Really?” I ask, a little shocked at that news.
“Yep. They’ve been best friends their entire lives like we have, and Tucker has mentioned he wishes Lee would settle down a few times. Tucker did say that he thought things were changing in Lee’s mind since the two of you have been spending so much time together lately. He said he’s never really done that with anyone else, so he thought Lee had turned a new leaf, so to speak. Maybe your little talk will be the wake-up call that he needs.”
“I don’t know, Linds. He was just so stonewalled. Said he couldn’t give me any more and got up and walked out. I thought for a split second that he might turn around when our eyes met as he was reaching back to shut the door, but he didn’t. He just continued on. Left without another look back.”
“I’m sorry, Allison. He’s a dummy. Want me to punch him in the balls the next time I see him?” she asks, humor lacing her question.
“As nice as that sounds, no. I wish him no ill will. I just wish he’d realize how much potential we could have together. Everything was just so easy and carefree between the two of us. Hell, the last time we were together, he begged me to stay the night just so he could hold me. You don’t just cuddle with a fuck buddy all night.”
“I’m sure he’s just scared. He’s never had a serious relationship, and that’s a lot of avoiding commitment being engrained into his brain for the last ten-plus years.”
“I guess you’re right with that assessment. I hadn’t looked at things like that,” I tell her as I take one last bite of my food. I’m already so stuffed, and we’ve only touched the Chinese food. I don’t know how we used to eat so much crap when we were kids and having sleepovers like this every week.”
“Ready for our first chick-flick?” Lindsay asks once we’ve finished up our dinner round. I place our dishes in the dishwasher before we take our glasses of wine to the living room. I pull out a couple blankets and extra pillows, and we both get comfortable on the couch before I turn on Netflix and we find a movie to take us away.
I look over, halfway through the movie, catching Lindsay texting on her phone. The slight smile on her lips is like a double-edged sword. One edge I’m extremely happy for her. She’s found an amazing man in Tucker, but on the other, I’m a tad bit jealous of what she’s found. I want that. I want to have a permanent smile etched on my face because I know I’ve got someone waiting for me at home. “Tell him you’re mine tonight. He’ll get you back tomorrow. Don’t make me pull out the custody agreement,” I say jokingly. Tucker and I have a running joke that we’ve got split custody of Lindsay now that they’re together. With their conflicting work schedules, they have to take advantage of the days and nights they are off at the same time. It was why I was so hesitant to ask her to come over tonight. I didn’t want to take one of their nights off together from them.