“Do you have an extra pen?” I ask Madison in class that afternoon.
“I don’t think so.”
Her voice is tight and dismissive.
“How’s midterm death week going?” She doesn’t answer and I glance down at my outfit. “I have matching socks, so…could be worse.”
She shakes her head.
“Want to meet up and talk about our submission for the justification panel?” I say. “It’s only three weeks away, and we need to wow them.”
“It’s not over, is it?” She turns toward me, eyes flashing. “You and Professor Redmond. I saw the way you looked at each other that night in the car.”
No matter her role in distributing the video from Velvet, she doesn’t deserve lies.
“I can’t stay away from him,” I admit. “It is causing problems, though not in the way you think.” Madison waits me out. “Professor Redmond’s partner offered me an internship. At their new company in New York.”
“Of course he did.” She shifts in her seat, tugging at a chunk of red hair as if focusing all her attention on it might make it combust.
“What would you do?” I ask.
“I’d take it,” she says immediately. “Take it, but make sure you cover your ass so there’s no way he can fire you if the thing between you goes south.”
I don’t want to cover my ass with Sawyer. I want to trust him completely.
“Have you looked at internships for the summer?” I ask.
“I’m going to work with Engineers without Borders. When I was a kid, we went to visit a developing country. A building burned down because the work wasn’t done right. I want to do jobs right, and anyone who doesn’t do them right should be exposed. People should be free to live their lives without worrying about their own safety.”
“That’s amazing.”
“Everyone has their own reason. No one’s is better than anyone else’s. That’s just mine.” She shrugs. “So we’ll work on the justification tomorrow?”
“Can we do it the next day? I have to speak on a panel about women in engineering school.” I explain how I met Aliya on the call and she invited me to participate.
“You’re exactly who they want. Perfect spokesperson. Stick you in a hardhat and you’re a stock photo.”
“Stock photos don’t hold up very well in real life. Can they build a circuit or write code? I don’t think so.”
She rolls her eyes, but her lips twitch.
“Hey,” I decide, impulsive. “Why don’t you do it with me?”
“Because they asked you and it’s weird to have two people.”
“So?”
The professor starts to lecture and a moment later, there’s a nudge at my elbow.
Madison’s pen.
“We’re going to look stupid,” she whispers.
I grin.
20
Olivia
Madison and I use a conference room in the library the next day and share my notebook computer screen to participate in the roundtable. Our shoulders bump when we answer questions from excited high school juniors and sophs about class, student life, careers.
I grew up with a sister who loved me. But Madison makes me work for every ounce of it.
When that icy chill melts a little, I realize how good it feels to be respected by someone who has no reason to respect me.
When we wrap up and wave goodbye, I head across the rolling hills of campus toward my apartment, the early afternoon breeze cooling my cheeks.
I think back to Tate’s internship offer.
I can’t picture reporting to the man I’m falling for, but working in his company could be exciting. I believe in him and his vision. He’s endlessly capable, and I can’t imagine him working with people who aren’t.
Plus, it would mean being in New York with Sawyer for the entire summer.
In the moments when I’m lying in bed alone in my dorm room, I think about waking up next to him.
I want to argue over snack foods and games and the state of the world as we walk through Midtown.
To elbow him in the gut when he gripes about someone being ridiculous when they’re only being human.
To tangle my fingers in his hair while he uses his smug mouth to take me apart one layer at a time, because when his tongue is inside me, it’s the only thing that matters.
My phone vibrates, and I hope it’s Sawyer, but it’s not.
Mom: We need the car back tonight.
I haven’t heard from the insurance adjuster, so I call them. By the time I get through to the person on my file, I’m opening the door of our apartment.
“Olivia, we just received a valuation for your car.”
“Valuation. You mean how much it’s going to cost to fix.”
“The car is totalled. Not worth fixing. I can tell you how much we’ll give you for it.”
The door clicks shut behind me as they name a figure, but my ears are buzzing so much I barely hear.
My beautiful car is toast.
The good girl side of me is ashamed. Even though it was Adam who crashed the car, some small part of me knew this was going to be a crazy night.
But the rest of me chafes against my mom’s demand that I give them back the car in its entirety.
I worked for that money.
“Olivia? Does that sound reasonable? We can cut you a check tomorrow.”
Which my mom will try to confiscate.
I start to say yes, but nothing comes out.
My fingers grasp for my necklace—the one I gave away in a moment of inspired insanity.
The one Sawyer got back for me.
Some rules are meant to be followed, especially if they protect us and those around us.
But life has too many contingencies, and not many rules are equipped to handle them.
Doing what’s right doesn’t mean saying yes.
“Actually,” I start, “it was in new condition. And it had upgraded trim.”
The man on the other end pauses. “I see.”
“Plus there were snow tires on it. Expensive ones.”
He clicks away on his computer. “We can do an extra twenty-five hundred.”
I savor the small victory as I make arrangements to get the check and hang up.
I’m going to need it after I show up at home without the car.
In Manhattan, I get off the Amtrak and take the subway.
I let myself in the front door and nearly trip over boxes.
“What’s going on?” I call as I step out of my boots and unfurl my scarf. I head for the kitchen where my mother appears in the doorway.
“Doing some fall cleaning. Your father’s at the office.” She brushes past me to look out the front living room window, her tailored black pants and a white silk shirt hugging her body.
“Did you bring the car?”
I frown. “The car is totalled.”
Mom starts to brush the hair behind her ear, then stops. “Excuse me?”
“We were doing a school thing, Adam was driving and…it doesn’t matter. They’re cutting me a check, which I’m going to cash. I’ll take the amount I earned from it, and the extra I negotiated, and transfer you the rest.”