Her thoughts drifted to Pete. Did he know what she now knew? She tried to herd her thoughts into order. No, at least not in the beginning. Had he found out somewhere along the line that they were chained together by this tragedy – and far more than merely by the coincidence of their partners dying on the same night, on the same road? Is this why he had suddenly cut and run? Because he would not be able to look at her without thinking of Alex, the man who was planning to take his wife from him. Pete’s wife had been pregnant when she died. Was that Alex’s baby inside her? The questions got too much for her brain to handle. She dropped her head into her hands and cried as she had never cried before in her whole life.
When her well had run dry, she tried to gather herself into a semblance of a whole person again. She needed to think. Crying wouldn’t wash away any of this chaos, it would only blur her vision, blind her from finding the way out of this pit. She picked up her phone, pulled up Pete’s contact details, stalled. What if he didn’t know any of it? What if the reason he had finished it was only because he was still too raw to move forward out of his grief? If so, she wielded a power that could destroy him with only a handful of careless words and it would be too big for her to keep from him if they remained close.
He, like she, was a crushed mess, growing his shell, pretending he was stronger than he was, cracking at the first tap. But he would heal. First on the outside, then on the inside. Given time. Given distance from someone like her who could take away comforting lies in his past, replace them with cold, brutal truths. Maybe it was as well they had ended before they had even started. This way she could make sure that he was spared more pain. He’d had enough.
She deleted his messages, blocked his number and then erased the contact details. Closed the door she had kept ajar.
Chapter 47
5 November
Laurie viewed herself in the mirror and wondered why the hell she had agreed to go to Bella and Stu’s bonfire night party where she knew without any doubt that her friend would try and set her up with Reid double-barrelled surname which she couldn’t quite recall. ‘Just give him a chance,’ Bella had pleaded and those words had resounded in her head. Pat Morrison’s spirit guide had said there would be a new love growing. A new love associated with fireworks, Pat had also implied. You have to give him a chance. He’s the right one for you. But she really didn’t want to go through all this again because she wasn’t ready to trust love, anything or anyone. Trust was a five-letter four-letter word.
She looked thin and pale and people were starting to comment on it. Even Maurice at the last meeting had asked Mr Singh to cut Laurie an extra large piece of the strawberry and cream cake. The dynamic had changed in the group now that Pete no longer attended. He’d abandoned them all. Sharon, Yvonne and Maurice had all floundered through the deep lake of their loss, felt solid ground beneath their feet as they headed for their far shore, and Laurie pretended she was steps behind them and was following close, but she was drowning not waving.
A chirpy beep outside announced the arrival of Bella’s car. Laurie picked up her handbag and keys, said a see you later to Keith Richards, who was feasting on a worm so he didn’t reply, and walked out.
‘Hello mate, you all right?’ said Bella, greeting her with a tentative smile. The last three weeks, since she’d told Laurie about Alex, had taken their toll on her too. It was hurting her seeing her friend fading; she felt duty-bound to help Laurie find the happiness she deserved.
‘Reid West-Hunt arrived just before I came to fetch you,’ she said.
‘Please don’t push us together, Bella,’ pleaded Laurie.
‘I promised I wouldn’t and I won’t. Besides—’ Bella grinned ‘—I think you’ll naturally gravitate to each other. I won’t need to do any pushing. He really is a dish and I can’t wait for him to meet you.’
Bella didn’t say that Reid seemed very keen to meet Laurie too. She couldn’t understand how a catch like him was single. Maybe, she hoped, fate was keeping him single for tonight.
*
Stu, carrying a long barbecue fork, greeted Laurie warmly with such a bone-crushing hug of affection that Laurie felt shamed she had even considered he might have been the catalyst for the breakdown in hers and Bella’s friendship. He had never been anything but a peach to her. ‘My dear Laurie,’ he said. What can I get you to drink?’
‘Oh er . . .’
‘She’s having fizz. I’ll sort it, you get back to your arson, darling,’ said Bella, dragging Laurie over to the drinks table. She lifted a bottle of Prosecco out of an ice barrel and filled up two flutes. ‘Here’s to a bright and bubbly future,’ she said. ‘And giving new people a chance,’ she tagged on the end, loosely quoting Pat Morrison. Laurie gave her an admonishing glare and Bella feigned innocence. They wandered over to where a small bonfire was raging and said hello to Mike, Stu’s brother, who was in charge of the fireworks, and Bella’s lovely neighbours who were wrapped up for Arctic conditions in his and hers puffa coats.
‘Where’s Reid?’ Bella asked Mike.
‘He was here a minute ago,’ came the reply.
Laurie was getting more nervous by the minute. She wanted the introductions to be over and done with just to get Bella off her back and then she could friend-zone Reid – if she wasn’t friend-zoned first – and everyone could get on with their lives.
Reid West-Hunt was a man that one could sense before he actually arrived, is how Laurie would most remember him. She turned towards the French doors that led from Bella’s kitchen at the same moment as he emerged from them. She swallowed. At a distance and silhouetted, he looked remarkably like Alex with his tall, lean build, then he walked into the light and Laurie saw that he didn’t look anything like him really, a different sort of handsome. Sharp cheekbones, mouth not as generous as Alex’s but curved up into a killer smile, dark-chocolate eyes, almond-shaped. He was dressed casually, for a bonfire party, and yet he still managed to outgarb every single male gathered here. Bella waved, called his name.
‘Reid, this is Laurie,’ she said, beaming like a clown on happy pills.
‘How lovely to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you,’ Reid said in a voice that was as smooth and rich as molasses, holding out his hand, squeezing Laurie’s at the right pressure to transmit strength and politeness. He bent, kissed her cheek and when she took in his aftershave, her senses purred. The scent of summer Mediterranean nights, the more fanciful part of her brain suggested.
‘Anyone want a steak? I have rare ones,’ called Stu. A loud crack preceded a firework burst that lit up the sky with a pink and green chrysanthemum.
Bella’s sister Sacha appeared at their side with a plate of hot dogs in buns and both Laurie and Reid reached for the same one at the same time. They laughed.
Maybe, thought Laurie, she wouldn’t friend-zone him just yet.
Chapter 48
February, earlier that year
‘I thought Bella would have told her, I really did,’ he said. ‘It would have made my life much easier if Laurie had thrown me out. I know it sounds like a coward’s way, but I wanted her to guess rather than me come at her from cold. I even left out the cufflinks you bought me, the Viv Westwood ones with the hearts. She would have asked me about them if she’d noticed them.’