This seemed to tickle her husband and daughter.
‘Loads of cash sales in fish and chips,’ said Vernon, giving Pete a sly wink. ‘You wouldn’t have caught any of us. We’re like the Scarlet Pimpernels to your Maurice Chevaliers I bet.’
Gerry, Sylvia and Susan didn’t engage in any conversation with anyone else at the table after that and mumbled a goodnight after the main course.
‘We’ll not see them again,’ announced Vernon. ‘Ars longa, vita brevis.’ He tapped the side of his nose and smiled fondly at his wife.
‘What does that phrase mean?’ asked Nigel.
‘Bloody arseholes,’ replied Vernon.
Pete thought that he just might have made the right call changing his holiday plans after all.
Chapter 61
9 February
Laurie had read a poem about cruising once which began, On the third day out I get it. And she had. She’d felt like a spare sandwich at a picnic the first full day of her holiday, mooching around the ship not quite sure what to do with herself, killing time until dinner when at least she could hook up with the friendly people on the dinner table. But on the third day, it was as if she fell into the rhythm of the ship, of the passengers, of the sea. She strolled around the perimeter of the outside deck taking in the bracing wind, until it became too much and icicles started forming on her lungs, then snuggled into one of the padded armchairs in the coffee lounge with her book and had a hot chocolate which came with an Alp of marshmallows piled on top of it. The man on the next table laughed when it arrived.
‘I don’t know whether to drink it or climb it,’ she commented.
‘I think you’ve tempted me to have one of those,’ he said and waved a waiter over. ‘This your first cruise?’ he asked her, because it seemed to be obligatory to ask this to anyone with whom one fell into conversation.
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘You?’
‘Yep. I’m taking a trip with my lad. He’s having a nap at the moment. The sea air has knocked him out.’
‘And why not if he’s on holiday,’ said Laurie, thinking how lovely it must be to have a parent you would enjoy a trip like this with. She would never dream of holidaying with her mother, who would have instantly gone on the prowl for either a rich, old male passenger with a dodgy ticker or a young one with a pulse.
‘What about you? Are you travelling with husband? Family?’
‘No, just me.’
‘I was going to come alone too,’ said Nigel. ‘It wouldn’t have bothered me but my son decided to grace me with his presence. Anyway, I’ll not disturb your reading.’ He held up his Jack Reacher tome. ‘I’m just at a good bit myself.’
Later in the cabin, Nigel Moore would tell his son, ‘I’ve seen a lovely young blonde woman in that bar downstairs who’s travelling alone. You should nip down and see if she’s still there.’
Pete replied that he was okay, thanks. He was on a cruise to get away from life’s complications, not to sail into them.
*
On the dinner table that night, Doreen and Vernon had them creased up with laughter about all the people they’d met on their many cruises and the nicknames they’d attributed to them. The Maurice Chevaliers had been added to their long list.
‘Now Camper Van was a particular favourite of ours,’ said Vernon. ‘Doreen and I used to take bets on how many times he would say the words “camper van” through dinner. The nearest to it paid for the ice-creams at the next port. I knew every inch of that camper van by the end of the cruise. I could have changed all four of its wheels in my sleep.’
‘What about Hair and Mouth?’ said Doreen, lifting up her glasses to wipe the tears from her eyes. Nigel and Pete never did get to find out what was so funny about Hair and Mouth because the Turbots couldn’t stop giggling for long enough to tell them.
‘Are you getting off at Åndalsnes tomorrow?’ asked Doreen when she had eventually got a grip of herself. ‘We’re on the Scenic Train trip looking for trolls.’ She grinned excitedly at the thought.
‘Romani ite domum,’ said Vernon, with absolute certainty in his terrible Latin. ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’
‘We’re going on a bus up some mountains,’ said Nigel. ‘Lots of hairpin bends on the roads, I hear.’ He rubbed his hands together with glee. ‘I’ve become a bit of a thrill-seeker in my old age,’ he said. ‘I even went to bingo this afternoon.’
Pete looked around the room at all the people in couples and felt suddenly very alone. Not that it wasn’t great here with his dad, but it would have been good to share this wonderful camaraderie and food with a loved one. There was nothing like being surrounded by an ocean of happiness to make you feel like a lost island in the middle of it all.
Chapter 62
11 February
On the fifth day Laurie was hit with the full slam of seasickness. The ship had entered the Arctic Circle and the winds were recorded as force eleven. She had had no idea that it could be so bad, there seemed to be no escape from it. She’d been given a tip – again from Alan – to look at the horizon if she felt nauseous, so she hauled herself over to the window, but seeing the ten-metre swells, feeling the ten-metre swells, and watching all the spray hitting the glass, she thought that, on this occasion, his best advice fell short. Up until that day, travelling on board the Mermaidia had felt like being in a giant cradle and she’d slept like a baby. Today, it was like being strapped into a white-knuckle ride at a theme park – something which she hated. Especially one that seemed interminable. She thought a walk around the ship might help, but it didn’t. She barely had the strength to talk to Olive whom she met near the shops so she made her way back to the sanctuary of her cabin and face-planted onto the bed. She hadn’t slept as much for years. She needed it, her body told her. She needed to let go of everything and rest and let the sea and the Nordic air work its magic.
*
In their cabin at the other side of the ship, Pete was experiencing much of the same.
‘You’ll feel much better if you venture out and come and sit in the coffee place,’ said Nigel, who was remarkably unaffected by the sea swells.
‘Don’t even say the C-word,’ said Pete, mumbling into his pillow. ‘Or the sea word. In fact don’t say any words, Dad. Just go and do your afternoon quiz with the Turbots, leave me in peace and remind me never ever to come on a cruise with you again.’
‘This is just a momentary blip. The comforting thought is that if the ship sinks, the sea is so cold, we wouldn’t suffer long.’
‘And that’s your idea of making me feel better is it?’ groaned Pete.
‘Trust me, you’ll be thanking me in no time at all.’
‘I’d put my life savings on that not being the case,’ said Pete.
It was a good job that his father never took him up on the bet.
*
Ven O’Shaughnessy, the captain’s wife, knocked gently on Laurie’s door and stood patiently outside waiting for her to answer.
‘Oh my life, you look like death not warmed up one little bit,’ she said when Laurie opened up looking creased, and as pale as her complimentary bathrobe. ‘I thought as a first timer you just might be feeling a bit off, especially as Olive said you didn’t look that bright earlier on. It’s quite rough out there today so I came to see if you wanted me to take you down to the medical bay for an injection. They really do work. You’ll sleep and then you spring awake, eat lots of bread and feel great. That’s what happened to me anyway.’