It was as if something had grabbed Pete by the scruff of his wing collar and propelled him backwards through a wormhole to the cinema in Barnsley town centre, seeing Laurie there and his heartbeat quickening in response. Then sitting in the seat beside her, both of them dipping into their cartons of popcorn, eyes turned to the screen, but constantly aware that she was at his side, close. Why didn’t life have a rewind button? He would have pressed it, never sent that goodbye and good luck text, never let her go.
‘Your mother would have loved this,’ said Nigel, as all four of them filed off together towards the theatre after dinner, the men in their tuxedos and bow ties, Doreen in a shimmering turquoise frock that gave her the look of a portly mermaid. ‘But I shouldn’t be scared of coming by myself in the future. In a way, I feel like she’s here with me.’
‘If life has taught me and Vernon anything,’ said Doreen, who turned, having heard him, ‘it’s that you shouldn’t waste time being frightened. You should embrace life and take chances. That’s why we’re going snowmobiling tomorrow morning. For what the extra insurance has cost us, we could have bought a Norwegian hotel, but we fancied it, so we’re doing it.’
‘Carpe diem,’ said Vernon. ‘Seize the day, my friend.’
For once, he’d hit it right on the mark.
*
Laurie had been to see the lady violinist perform, a lovely restful way to end a lazy day, and was just on her way to her cabin when she noticed that John Wick was playing in the onboard cinema and her mind sparked into activity. She thought of that wonderful evening back in Barnsley, feeling the current of electricity that arced between herself and Pete as they sat in a comfortable silence watching the film, eating popcorn, and she knew he had felt it too.
In the lift she should have pressed the number of her floor, but something instead made her choose the number for the top of the ship. It was understandably deserted when she pushed open the door and walked out on deck. It was nearly twelve o’clock and of those who hadn’t gone to bed, none of them wanted to be frozen, especially not in their best attire.
What had surprised her about this holiday was how the simple sight of the sea acted like a soothing medicine on her brain. It was so vast, so large and deep, full of secrets and treasures and it was as if it was allowing them to bear witness to how great a force it was in return for their respect. She could stare at it for ages, letting it work its alchemy on her, flowing into her mind, ripping out thoughts she didn’t want to be there in its long ebb, casting them far away.
‘Why did you lead me here, Alex?’ she said quietly into the pure Norwegian evening air. ‘Because I know you did.’
Her eyes framed a beautiful nightscape: the shine of the moon, cast on the waves in handfuls of sprinkles and in the distance, the mountains were darker presses of shadow frosted with snow that appeared blue in this midnight world. Laurie felt truly at peace with herself. After everything she had been through, she was here, still standing. She pulled her stole tighter around her shoulders as a shiver rippled through her.
It was then that she heard a voice that seemed to come from nowhere.
‘Laurie?’
She thought she had imagined it, until she turned and saw him there, walking towards her. Pete Moore.
Chapter 64
February, the previous year
‘My sister is infatuated with my husband,’ she said, as she put on her coat. ‘If I thought they were a good match, I’d encourage them to get together after all this. But it’s not love. She’s like me. And he’s too good for another one of me.’
He smiled, but his heart was heavy. He wanted this woman standing in front of him so desperately that he was throwing away so much for her. A beautiful girl, a kind, sweet, gentle person. He didn’t want to cause her pain, he loved her. He wished she was enough, wished he could atone for what he was about to do to her.
As if she read his thoughts, she said, ‘I’ve always been a selfish cow, not stopping to get what I want, but I will do my damnedest to make Pete happier without me than with me. If you changed your mind and said that you wanted to stay with Laurie, I’d let you go. That’s how much I love you.’
Alex opened the door, saw the first snow drops drift down. A cold eel snaked down his spine and he shuddered. A sense of foreboding or anticipation, he couldn’t tell which. He turned to her, held her, kissed her softly. ‘Don’t let me go, ever. But yes, let’s both make sure that Laurie and Pete are okay. Whatever we have to do, let’s make that happen.’
‘Drive safely, darling,’ said Tara, and she climbed into her car.
Chapter 65
13 February
Pete couldn’t believe his eyes. He really couldn’t. This was Twilight Zone stuff. He had gone up on deck, marvelling at how on a ship with over two thousand passengers, there was no one else around but him, letting himself absorb the quiet of the night, the peace.
There were no lights dancing in the skies, no stars; the clouds had snuffed them out, wisps drifting across the slim moon. He thought back to leaving Firenze that night in October and of looking up to see the same crescent of moon, feeling different, feeling shoots of hope and joy begin to quicken inside him, new life. All roads led back to her and how he felt about her, how she had made him feel about himself: a man reconstituted.
He had walked around to the other side of the ship, had seen the twinkle of lights on her dress before he noticed the wearer. Before he saw her. An illusion. It couldn’t be her but neither could it be anyone else, not from the way his heart seemed to stop, then start again, its rhythm growing apace. Laurie.
*
She’d drunk too much wine at dinner, it was the only explanation. Except that it wasn’t an explanation at all because he was standing there, in a black tuxedo, white shirt, black bow tie.
They both opened their mouths at the same time. They both apologised, both starting speaking again.
‘Laurie, it’s so good to see you,’ said Pete, his voice filled with disbelief and genuine delight. She was so beautiful, the breeze fluttering her silver-gold hair, moonlight shining in her lovely eyes. His hands came out to touch her, dropped back to his sides, failing in bravery.
‘And you. My, this is . . . madness,’ she said, shock reducing her voice to a mere breath.
‘What are you doing here? . . . Sorry, that’s a stupid question,’ he said. ‘The same as everyone else on the ship.’
‘Yep, just one of many hoping to see the Northern Lights.’
He was keeping his distance, she noticed and she took her cue from him on that. A distance that was full of something she didn’t know or understand but she felt it as clearly as if it was a brick wall standing between them.
‘When I was a kid once, we all went to this little village in Spain that no one had heard of as a break from the neighbours and lo and behold they were in the same hotel,’ Pete said. She must be here with the man he had handed the flowers to. It was a Valentine’s cruise, of course she was.
‘I’ve heard stories like that too,’ said Laurie.
‘How are you, Laurie?’ He wanted to close his arms around her, but the moment when he could have, even in platonic greeting, had passed.