I wished there was something I could do to reassure him, but nothing would other than him getting into the classroom and actually teaching. Still, I was a fixer by nature and wanted to try. Plus, I didn’t think Zander had many people who’d done that for him in his life.
“And then this shark flew through the sky, dipped down, and plucked me from the water before flying away with me. He was a mutant shark who wanted to mate.”
“That sounds fun,” I replied, half hearing what Warren was saying.
He playfully smacked me on the back of the head. “You think it’s fun to fuck a shark?”
“Ouch. Shit. No, I don’t.”
“Well, that’s what I said.”
I sighed and took a drink of my beer. It was strong, wheaty, just the way I liked. I set the mug down and turned my stool toward him. “I fucked Ross’s best friend.”
Warren’s pupils blew wide, his mouth dropping open, then closing and opening as if he were a fish out of water.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I’m gonna need you to start at the beginning and not leave out any details.”
“Troubles in the bedroom?” I teased.
“I’m not falling for your attempts to sidetrack me from the bomb you just dropped in my lap. Spill the beans.”
I groaned. I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all. “I didn’t know he was Ross’s friend when I slept with him. It was in Chapel Hill when I went for his graduation. I was at a bar, and this beautiful younger man approached me. I was a little shocked, to be honest. Not that I’m not quite the catch myself.”
“Had to point that out, did you?”
“Stop interrupting my story. He is… Jesus, he’s pretty, War. I wanted him right away, but I was in town for Ross’s big event. I hadn’t gone for sex, and he’s young, obviously. So we just talked at first. He made it clear what he was there for and why he’d approached me. He never said he was graduating, but now I know…” I sat up straighter. “Well, apparently he has good taste because I was his graduation gift to himself.”
Warren rolled his eyes. “Proud of yourself, aren’t you?”
“As I should be. Anyway, we talked for a while, hit it off instantly. We have a similar sense of humor. He’s going to be an English teacher, and he’s so passionate about it. It’s really beautiful to see someone his age so inspired for education.”
“You just said the words someone his age. That should tell you this is a bad idea.”
“I’m not gonna do it again.” I wouldn’t. I’d make sure of it, though fuck, I wanted to. “Back to my story, I took him back to my room, and we did our thing, fully expecting never to see each other again, but then—”
“Oh, this is getting juicy.” Warren rubbed his hands together.
“Would you stop interrupting me?” I said playfully. “So then Ross tells me he’d like me to meet his friend—the man who will be moving to Atlanta and living with him, I might add. He takes me over after graduation, and guess who it is.”
A loud rumble of laughter roared out of Warren so hard he had to clutch his stomach and try not to fall off his barstool.
“You’re a shitty friend, you know that?”
“I’m sorry, but only you, Harrison. I can’t believe you got yourself into this mess.”
“It was only supposed to be sex. To say it was awkward is putting it mildly. My first concerns were Ross and Zander, of course. Zander was… I think he was mortified, really, but that probably has more to do with him telling Ross he had—and I quote—the best sex of his life. Which lo and behold was with his friend’s dad. Ross was likely grossed out, as he has a right to be. He was okay with it, but you know how he is. He’s very go-with-the-flow. Not much bothers him. He just said he didn’t want details, and that if it happens again, to pretend it didn’t.”
“You’re going to fuck him again?” Warren said a little too loudly. The two women beside us turned and looked our way.
“Sorry,” I told them. “Will you keep it down? And no. I already told you I’m not gonna do it again. I want to—badly, to be honest—but it’s a disaster waiting to happen. I can acknowledge that, so I won’t.”
“Yeah right.”
“I’m not.”
“I’m so glad I’ve been in a relationship for twenty years. I don’t envy you this at all.”
“Thank you for the support.”
“That’s what I’m here for. Anyway, go on. I’m sure there’s more.”
There was. “The thing is, we’ve now become friends somehow. We jog together a few mornings every week. He’s…well, he’s an independent little shit, is what he is. Struggles to accept help. He’s funny, passionate, kind, and—”
“Uh-oh.”
“Uh-oh, what?”
“You like this kid.” Warren took a drink of his beer. “You’re incredibly fucked, my friend.”
“He’s not a kid,” was the only answer I could think to give. “He’s twenty-four, so older than Ross.” I groaned. I was now in a situation where my defense was that someone I had sex with was two years older than my son. Warren was right. I was fucked.
“I thought you weren’t looking to get into a relationship? That you didn’t know if that would ever be something you’d want?”
He was only repeating what I’d told him, what was true about me. I’d dedicated my life to my son. I’d wanted Ross to always know he was the most important person in my world because I’d never had that. I’d wanted to provide for him so he never went without in life. I’d accomplished both those things. There wasn’t an ounce of me that regretted it, but…I’d gone without a lot in life. I hadn’t dated much. I’d never brought men or women home, even when Ross was in high school. Sure, I’d gone out and fucked, even the same people more than once, but they all knew it wasn’t serious. That I didn’t want forever.
The little I remembered about my parents other than the partying and drinking were the fights. I hadn’t wanted that for Ross, and then I just didn’t think I wanted it for myself either. When he left for college, I wanted to focus on myself. To fuck who I wanted, when I wanted. To have more of the freedom I’d only teased myself with when I was younger. But even now, at forty-one, I still wasn’t sure that monogamy and settling down were for me. I was too set in my ways. And if I did ever change my mind, it wouldn’t be with someone seventeen years younger than me. Zander had his whole life ahead of him, a career to focus on and men to fuck. He didn’t need to tie himself to an older man…and why in the hell was I even thinking about that?
“I don’t like him as in wanting to have a relationship with him—and I don’t want a relationship at all either. That hasn’t changed. I wasn’t joking about enjoying his friendship. I want to be friends with him. I’m just incredibly attracted to him as well. I know it’s not smart, which is why I’ve kept my hands to myself, but it’s getting harder.”
Warren’s hand clamped down on my shoulder and squeezed in support. “Real talk?”