“Always.”
“Personally, I can’t understand the mindset of never wanting to settle down. That’s not me. I always knew I wanted someone to love and who would love me in return—even if that doesn’t include monogamy—but I know that not everyone is built that way. So if that’s what you say you want, I respect that. But I also don’t believe you should ever close yourself off to possibilities. You never know what’s out there, what kind of happiness you can be denying yourself. That includes more than relationships as well.”
I nodded, and Warren continued. “So that has never sat well with me, but it’s your life and I respect your choices. It also sounds like you might want more from this kid.”
“Man.”
“Sorry. All I can think of is him being Ross’s friend.”
“Welcome to my world.”
“I want you to be happy. I want you to have what George and I do. And like I said, I’ve known you for a long time, and I’ve never heard you speak about anyone like this, so I think you like him, but I’ve been your friend for too long to lie to you. I worry about what could happen. I know how much you love Ross. It would devastate you if somehow he got hurt in all this, and it would crush him if you did, and there are just too many ways for that to happen. You fuck around with this…man, and what if he wants more, but you don’t? Or you unexpectedly fall for him, but he’s young and he’s not ready? I know you said you’re not going to be with him again, but if you are, then you really have to make sure the two of you are on the same page. You and Ross are my family. You’re like a brother to me, and he’s my godson. I don’t want anything to come between you.”
“Jesus.” With my elbows on the bar top, I rested my face in my hands. Warren was right. This was a mess. It was a bad idea, the absolute worst. But the thought of ending my friendship with Zander was equally devastating. I would just have to continue to be strong. My physical desire for him had to wane soon.
And now I was resorting to lying to myself, and pretending I didn’t know I was doing it.
CHAPTER NINE
Zander
My car was the only one in the lot that looked like it was on its last legs. Maybe I could park up the street and walk in every day? But then what if it rained or someone saw me and—Stop. I needed to quit letting that shit upset me.
I could do this. I’d worked hard for this. I was a badass motherfucker who would rock the teaching world in the best way. Willowbrook Middle School would celebrate the day they hired Mr. Wescott!
I got out of my car, fumbled with one of the containers in the back seat, and just as I managed to grab it and push the door closed with my butt, I heard a similar sound a few cars away.
A woman with long black box braids with purple ends smiled at me. “You must be the new sixth-grade English teacher.” She walked over, a much smaller box in her arms.
“I am! Mr. Wescott—well, I guess Zander Wescott. You don’t have to call me mister…except if you’re speaking to the students, of course. You wouldn’t want to call me Zander to them, but you can use my first name at other times. I’m rambling, aren’t I?” I bit into my bottom lip. “I’m gonna stop doing that now. Hello, I’m Zander Wescott, the new sixth-grade English teacher.”
She grinned again, one full of kindness and not an ounce of judgment. “It’s okay to be nervous. I was scared out of my mind in the beginning of my first year. Student teaching in college doesn’t prepare you for what it’s like to have your own classroom for the first time.”
“Oh, thank God it’s not just me.”
“Definitely not. I’m Leticia Holly—math, seventh grade. I’d shake your hand, but both of ours are full.”
I smiled. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too. How about we get this stuff in before my arms fall off?”
I chuckled. I liked her already. If everyone was like Leticia, this would be perfect. “Let’s do it.”
We headed in through the office first. Some of the staff were already there. The assistant principal, Susie Givens, was there waiting for me. I said goodbye to Leticia, set the box down, and shook Susie’s hand.
“It’s so nice to see you again,” she told me. She was one of the people I’d interviewed with.
“You too.”
“Are you ready for this?”
Yes…no…yes and no? “Maybe?” I answered honestly.
“You’ll do fine. Your heart is in it. That’s the first thing I noticed, and that’s the most important. Come on, I’ll show you to your classroom.”
My classroom. My classroom. I couldn’t believe I had a classroom. I had to bite back the giddy excitement inside me.
I let Susie lead. The door was closed, and when Susie opened it, the first thing I noticed was that there were lots of windows, which I liked, but I could tell the sun would beat down on them in the afternoon, making it hot.
Student desks already filled the space. There was a larger one for me, toward the front, pushed against the wall. It was older, clearly passed down from whoever had my room before, but I didn’t care about that. What did bum me out was there were no bookcases. At all. That was something I’d have to fix. I also hoped to be able to get a few new outfits so I didn’t go to class looking like a starving college student. It would be difficult to swing both.
“It gets a little warm in the afternoon. The previous teacher left one of her fans.”
I nodded, seeing it in the corner. It definitely wouldn’t be enough for the room, so I’d have to get a couple more.
“Do you have any questions?” Susie asked, and I shook my head. Honestly, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. Mostly in a good way—the best way. This was my dream, but there were also a million things I needed to do, to have, and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to do it all.
“It looks great,” I said, turning toward her. “I’m really excited to be here. Thank you for giving me a chance.” Because while all that other shit was stressful as fuck—probably not the type of language I needed to be using to think about things anymore—I still felt like I’d made it.
I finished carrying the rest of my things inside, then got to work, putting away what I could, decorating, and making a list of what I would still need. Some of those plastic drawer sets would be good. I could keep supplies and things the students might need inside.
A few people stopped by to say hello and introduce themselves. Most everyone I’d come across had been nice and accepting, though there were a few I could tell looked at me like I was a dumb kid who had no idea what he was getting into. I couldn’t be mad at them because they were likely right, plus I was too damn excited to be mad at anyone ever in the world.
I refused to let myself worry. By the next day and maybe even that very evening, I might change my mind, but right then, I was going to take a page out of the night-before-graduation-Zander’s book and live in the moment…only without sleeping with Harrison. What was Harrison up to, I wondered, before shoving that thought straight out of my head.
I finished up everything I could do that day, said goodbye to Leticia, then was on my way.