Her eyes are aimed in my direction, but she’s not really looking at me. Seeing me. “Oh.”
“Are you okay?” I ask. “Because you sure don’t look it.”
“Maybe she’s in shock,” Brianna says. “I think I have some water in the car. I’ll be right back.”
I listen to her footsteps fade before reaching out, my fingertips gentle on Jamie’s jaw, adjusting her head slightly so I can take a better look.
She’s quick to flinch, to grasp my wrist, and push my hand away. Her eyes meet mine, wide and… fearful. Her breaths become rushed, her shoulders and chest rising and falling rapidly. I watch her, my eyebrows drawn, as her eyes fill with tears she doesn’t set free. Finally, after a moment that feels like an eternity, she says, “I’m really tired. I’ll just sleep in there overnight and figure shit out in the morning…”
My spine straightens as I push aside the irritation from her reaction to me simply touching her. As if I would actually hurt her. “Just grab what you need,” I murmur. “You can stay with me.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not negotiable, Jamie!” I almost yell, my words firm. Harsh.
“I need to stay here.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking stubborn.”
“I lost something,” she says, and now she’s back to staring at nothing as if I’m not right fucking here. “I need to find it.”
“You can find it in the morning. Let’s go.”
“I don’t want to find it in the morning,” she snaps, her teeth gritted, jaw clenched. “I need to find it now.”
I heave out a breath, exasperated. “You have about five seconds to get your ass up before I pick you up and throw you in the goddamn car.”
My house—the place I’ve called home for the past few months—is still on the Eastwood property. It used to be the groundskeeper’s back when my grandparents opened up the garden and pond to visitors. We haven’t needed a groundskeeper since before I was born, so when I moved back home, I claimed the place as mine. When we were kids, Mia and I wandered off in its general direction and peeked at the building from behind a giant tree trunk. We never ventured close enough to actually look inside because, well… it was a creepy old cabin in the woods.
It’s still a creepy old cabin in the woods.
When I first moved in, I got rid of the furniture right away. There wasn’t much to replace: a bed, couch, TV, and small kitchen table. My coffee table is a stack of pallets I found at the nursery. To say that it’s tiny would be an understatement, but… it’s always worked for me, and I’ve never wished for anything more.
Until now.
Because there isn’t a bedroom. Just one open room that contains the bed, the couch, and the kitchen. And tonight, my current girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, and I are all sleeping in the same room.
Fun.
“It’s not much,” I tell Jamie, motioning to the couch, “but it’s better than the alternative.”
Jamie nods. She hasn’t said shit since she got in the car.
Brianna sets a glass of water on the makeshift coffee table and says she’s going to shower. Thankfully, the bathroom is the only room that’s closed off because that—that would’ve been super awkward. Or insanely hot. And I have no clue what Jamie’s been up to the past five years, so maybe she’s into girls now? Or three-ways!
Here’s hoping.
Also, I may still be slightly drunk.
I drop a pillow and sleeping bag on the couch—and Jamie stares at the pattern of the pillowcase—rocks—before looking up at me, her brow drawn. “Only my nephew uses it when he stays here, and he’s into rocks and minerals....”
Her head tilts in confusion, her eyes searching mine, and even after everything she’s done to me, there’s a tightening in my chest, in that one look alone, that has me wanting to reach out and hold her. She’s always been a little lost, but it hits different now, and maybe it was the prospect of losing her—like, actually losing her that has me breaking my resolve. “Benny,” I say. “Mia’s son. I call him my nephew because… you know… Mia and me.” For the first time in years, I’m graced with her smile—a smile that knocks all air out of my lungs and weakens my knees, my senses. I swallow. Hard. And force myself to look away. “He has sleepovers here, but… he always ends up in my bed anyway, so I don’t really know why—”
“It’s perfect, Holden,” she cuts in, making a bed for herself. “Thank you.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t need to see a doctor or—”
“I’m fine,” she says. “I’ll be out of your hair in the morning.”
I nod because… her being gone... it’s what I asked for.
It’s what I wanted.
Right?
I don’t look in her direction once I’m in bed. Instead, I simply stare up at the ceiling, looking at the light gradients caused by the bedside table lamp. A few minutes later, the shower switches off, and I glance at the bathroom door, watch Brianna get out wearing only her underwear and one of my t-shirts. She climbs into bed, and, instinctively, I hold out my arm, wait for her to settle in beside me, and throw her leg over mine. It’s a move we’ve done dozens of times before. It’s routine. Habitual. And it shouldn’t feel wrong to be doing it now with Jamie maybe watching us.
But it does.
And I shouldn’t feel guilty for having a girlfriend just because she’s suddenly back in my life.
But I do.
I don’t know how long I lie there, holding a sleeping Brianna while staring into the darkness.
Less than an hour ago, I could’ve fallen asleep on a tightrope, and now… now my mind is working overtime, too many questions… too many emotions… too many thoughts, and I somehow keep circling back to one.
She was afraid of my touch.
I glance in her direction, surprised to see the glow of her phone on her profile. Carefully, I remove myself from Brianna’s embrace and reach for my phone. I open my email and pull up the one from Esme’s estate lawyer with both my and Jamie’s details. Jamie’s address is listed as Zeke’s Diner, but that’s not what I’m looking for. I find her phone number, copy it into my contacts, and hesitate a beat before typing out a text:
Holden: I would never physically hurt you.
I watch her as I hit send, and I know she’s received it when she quickly turns her head in my direction.
I settle on my side so I can watch her—every reaction, every emotion.
Her thumbs move over her phone, and a moment later, mine vibrates in my grasp.
Jamie: I know…
I’m quick to respond.
Holden: Then why did you look so scared when I was going to touch you? You pushed my hand away.
She takes a full minute to reply.
Jamie: I wasn’t scared.
Holden: Then why?
I can see her watching me now, her eyes holding more questions than truths. Finally, after a few minutes of The Staring Game, she replies.