Maggie smiles at nothing in particular. “We never really met, per se. His dad and my dad were best friends since they were kids, and so when they both had boys the same year, it was only natural that they became friends too. So I’d always see him around the house, or we’d come here, and I’d always, and I mean”—she leans forward to touch my arm, squeezing it to emphasize—“always had a crush on him.”
“That’s so cute.”
Rolling her eyes, she adds, “It’s cute when I’m five, and he’s thirteen, right? Or even when I’m ten, and he’s eighteen. It’s innocent. But when he’s twenty-six and I’m barely eighteen, and I finally act on those feelings…”
“Oh, no…” I breathe out, pushing my plate away. As empty as my stomach is, I don’t feel the need to fill it. I’m too enraptured by her words, by every twist and turn of the story, and she’s barely even started telling it.
“Yeah,” she sighs out. “I was halfway through my senior year when we started sneaking around, seeing each other behind everyone’s backs. The thrill of it all, Jamie,” she says dreamily, and she makes me feel like we’re girlfriends who’ve known each other for years. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. It’s kind of nice. “He was my first love, and he told me I was his, too, and I pictured a life with him—the life I’m living now…”
“So what happened?” I push. I need to know everything.
“My parents threw me a graduation party, and H was there, and… apparently, it was a single look that he’d given me while I was cutting the cake that clued in my brother to what was happening.”
“Nooo.”
“Yeah, he wasn’t too happy about it. Which, I mean, it kind of makes sense given our age difference and Big H’s history with the ladies. Plus, I’d just finished high school and had accepted a spot at a college in Pittsburgh.” She takes a sip of her wine, and I sip my tea. “Mick—my brother—he wished for bigger things for me than this town. He saw better opportunities pretty much anywhere else, and while I wanted to fight him on it, I respected him enough to listen to him. Big H did, too, and he agreed with Mick, so… we decided to go our separate ways. See other people.”
I lean back in my chair, my disappointment clear. “That sucks.”
“Uh-huh,” she murmurs, downing the rest of her wine and filling the glass right back up. “A few weeks later, I started hearing rumors that the perfect pairing of Tammy Wakefield and Joseph Kovács was no longer perfect…”
“Stop...” I say, but I don’t know if I mean it. I don’t want to hear any more because I know where it goes, but I also need to hear the rest because I’m so invested.
“And a few weeks after that, Big H called to tell me he’d asked Tammy out on a date.”
“Oh, no!” I almost want to press my palms to my ears.
“And a few weeks after that…”
“Holden,” I whisper, frowning.
Maggie nods, then heaves out a breath as she leans back in her seat. “So…. I went off to college, graduated, got an entry-level job as a data analyst at a large firm, and worked my way up to the top. I was doing all the things my brother and my parents wanted me to do. And suddenly, I was closing in on thirty, doing really well for myself, making bank, and so I bought a McMansion because it felt like the right next step. And then one night, I was sitting out in the yard with a glass of wine, staring at this stupidly large pool I’d never even used, and I thought to myself… what the fuck am I doing? I had the entire world at my fingertips, and I’d never been unhappier.” She chokes on the last few words, her eyes filling with tears, and so I reach over, take her hand in mine.
I clear the knot in my throat and say, “So you came home to find the happiness you’d been searching for?”
She nods. “Within a month, I sold all my possessions, quit my job, and moved back into my childhood bedroom back on the wheat farm.”
My smile is slow to consume me. “And then Big H came along like the big, badass giant that he is and literally swept you off your feet, picked you up, and threw you over his shoulder like a caveman, chanting, ‘Woman mine! Woman mine!’?”
Maggie’s guffaw is so loud and so natural and everything I hoped it would be. “Something like that,” she laughs out, wiping the tears of sadness mixed with joy from her eyes.
We spend the next few minutes in silence, eating the food while occasionally looking up at each other.
She’s the first to break. “Can I ask you something?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
“What made you drive into the ditch last night?”
Well, there’s a topic changer if ever I heard one.
I wipe the corner of my mouth with a paper napkin. “I um… I think I maybe saw something on the road…” Of course, it’s a lie—a big fat one. And she knows it, too, going by the way she’s watching me.
“That’s funny…” She pauses a beat. “Most people will usually brake before they swerve, and I didn’t see any tire marks on the road. Plus, the airbags went off, which means you must have been going fast enough...”
I look down at my food, my heart racing, stomach dropping. “What are you, a detective?” I try to joke.
“Just observant.”
“I was tired,” I admit. “I’d driven a long way, and I wasn’t getting the best sleep even before that.” Because I was too consumed by a stupid puzzle.
“Or…” she says, and I instantly fear what she has to say next. “Maybe you couldn’t see the road properly because you were crying?”
I scoff, looking away. If guilt had a face, it would be mine. “What? No!”
“It’s a small town, Jamie. A few people saw the RV in the ditch. And more than a few people are talking about how Holden acted toward you at the diner.”
I cringe at the thought, but I won’t back up her claims. I refuse to speak badly about Holden to anyone. I caused his reaction, and the consequences of them are something he has to deal with far more and longer than I do. In a few days, I’ll be gone. He’ll be here forever.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” I tell her. It’s a thought that’s exhausted me ever since I’d admitted it to myself.
“Why not?”
I flick around food with my fork, refusing to meet her eyes. Then I shrug because it’s the only thing I can offer.
After a beat of silence, she says, “You know we’ve met before…”
My hand stills, my heart doing the same. I do know. We met in the hospital. She and Big H drove through the night to be with Holden after the attack. With a nod, I answer, “I wasn’t sure if you’d remembered me.”
“I do.”
I look up just in time to see her smile turn sad, and I wonder how much she knows.
“Jamie…” My name is a sigh when it leaves her lips. “When you look back at that time in your life…” Yeah, she knows enough. Maybe even too much. “Are your reasons for leaving still valid?”
I don’t skip a beat when I answer, “Absolutely.”