Colton eyes me a moment before helping her toward the curb, not releasing her until she’s seated and removing the rollerblades. I turn my back on them because it hurts too much to watch and get back to work, ignoring the voice inside my head telling me it was too much, that I was too harsh.
A few minutes later, I feel Colton’s presence before he makes it known. “Want to tell me what that was about?”
“Not particularly,” I murmur, focused on trimming the citrus plants that need to go out tomorrow. “What are you doing here?”
“Maggie asked me to drop off some stuff from the bakery.” Colton’s parents own the wheat farm in town, along with the bakery. It’s been in his family for generations, and like me—the business is his future. His legacy.
Without looking at him, I state, attempting to keep my voice even, “Cool. You can just leave it in the house.”
He’s quiet a beat before stating, “I heard Jamie was still around…” Fuck him for having her name anywhere near his mouth. “So, what’s the deal?”
“There is no deal,” I sigh out.
“Ah, so that little act of yours at the diner was just for what? Shits and giggles?”
I shut my eyes tight, try to regain my composure. Finally facing him, I give him the footnotes. “She’s a girl I dated in high school who I haven’t seen in years, and she just randomly showed up here, and I don’t know what she wants from me, but whatever it is, I can’t give it to her.”
“Right.” He nods slowly, again and again, but it’s clear my explanation isn’t answer enough, and I wish he’d just fuck off. Crossing his arms, he says, “It’s just that… I mean, you know that whenever you used to leave town, Bri and I would hook up, and you didn’t seem to have a problem with that.”
I keep my mouth shut.
“And there was that one time when you and I both—”
“I get it,” I cut in. I don’t need a reminder of when Colt and I were drunk and high, and Bri somehow convinced us it would be “fun.”
It wasn’t.
What can I say? We were young, dumb, and full of cum.
And Colton won’t shut up. “And Bri’s your current girlfriend.”
I match his stance, feign boredom. “Your point would be good right about now.”
“My point is that she has you pressed, bro, and I want to know why.”
“What’s it to you?”
“I might want to ask her out,” he says, shrugging.
Just the thought of it turns my stomach to stone. “She’ll be gone in a couple of days.”
He chuckles. “Even better.”
It’s been a minute since I felt the need to punch someone, but Colton… he’s pushing it. “You should just stay the fuck away from her.” My eyes shift to the open barn door when I hear car doors opening and closing. A second later, Maggie’s car passes with Jamie in the passenger’s seat.
“For her or for you?” Colton asks.
And here lies my dilemma. Because as cliche as it is—I’m positive I don’t want her, but I also don’t want anyone else to have her. Or even be near her. And as hard as that is to admit, it’s the truth. No matter how I try to spin it. “For you, bro,” I lie, facing him again. And then I shrug, dropping my hands to my sides in a show of disinterest. “Like I said, I haven’t seen her since high school. Who the fuck knows what, or who, she’s been doing the past five years.”
Jamie
Yesterday, after literally running away from Holden, I kept running.
My therapist says that it’s engrained in me—this running bullshit—since it was what my mother used to tell me to do when things were about to “go down” at the house. Running didn’t necessarily mean fast movement of legs, either. It could mean any form of just… disassociating with whatever unwanted situation I found myself in.
Hence the RV and this nomad lifestyle I’ve unintentionally adopted. It wasn’t supposed to be forever, but honestly, I’m finding it more and more impossible to see any other future for myself.
When I left Holden’s house, I ran back to the main house, and I didn’t stop. I didn’t know where I intended to go, but I ended up at my crash site, where I spent a good portion of the afternoon searching for my most prized possession through tear-filled eyes. I didn’t find it. So, I went back to my RV, looked up how much metal detectors cost, and attempted to work with whatever spotty Wi-Fi I could get. And then Maggie—my savior, my grace—came knocking on my door with our dinner.
We sat, and we ate, and we talked some more. When she asked about my day, I simply told her that I went for a walk and that it was fun. Maggie had a bullshit radar that could challenge the most powerful systems in the world, but she didn’t push the issue. I told her that I tried to get some work done, but I couldn’t do much because of the internet. It turns out, Holden’s in the middle of updating their network, whatever that means, and the Wi-Fi only really works in the house or the office. She welcomed me to use either.
I haven’t stepped foot in the main house yet.
It’s bad enough that I’m encroaching on Holden’s personal space by being on his property. The idea of actually being inside his home... surrounded by evidence of his childhood and his family and his… his mom… there’s no way I would do that to him.
There’s no way I would do it to myself.
So, with the house out of bounds and the office being Holden’s zone, I asked if she could give me a ride to the diner. That’s where I spent most of the day, catching up on work and being “nosey” with Miss Sandra.
If you take away the giant, heaping pile of dog shit referred to as Holden’s hatred toward me, I think I could really like it here.
“Please tell me that the reason you haven’t called is that you got there, and it’s been fuckin’ rainbows and butterflies since.”
I physically cringe at Zeke’s words and hold the phone tighter as I slip out of the RV, nightclothes and towel in my grasp. “I should’ve called.”
“No shit, Jamie,” Zeke snaps. “And you know I’ve always given you the time and space to do what you need to do, but this is different.”
“I know,” I say, unlocking the office door and sliding it open. “I’m sorry.”
“Did you get there okay?”
I flick on the lights. “I got here fine, and then...” I trail off, hesitating with exactly how much to reveal.
“And then what?”
“And then…” I stop just outside the bathroom and think a moment. “I found Holden. He basically told me to go fuck myself, and as I was leaving, I kind of maybe sort of… drove my RV into a ditch.”
“I don’t recall saying such a thing.” I choke on a gasp and spin toward the voice. Holden’s sitting behind the large reception desk, his head tilted, eyebrows bunched. “Or maybe I did.”
Eyes wide, I say into the phone. “I’ll have to call you back.”
“Everything okay?”
“Uh-huh.” Not really. “I’ll explain everything later.” I hang up, trying to settle my pulse. “You scared me,” I tell Holden, looking at the time on my phone. “What are you doing here? It’s like, ten thirty.”