I shrug, stare off into the distance, and mumble, “I wouldn’t know.”
Holden’s quiet for a long moment. Too long. And when I trail my gaze back to him, he’s watching me, his brow set, breaths even. “What happened just now?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I feel like… are you regretting—”
“Not at all,” I cut in.
It’s clear he doesn’t believe me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I nod, positive, and kiss him once. “I don’t regret a single thing that’s happened between us in the past twenty-four hours.”
He smiles, but it’s slight, and it’s fake, and it’s not what I want.
“Listen, Jamie,” he says, tugging me closer. “I’ve had a lot of time to think the past few days, and I need to say something…”
“Okay…?”
“First, I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I say, “You don’t need to—”
“No, I do,” he cuts in. “I haven’t exactly been fair to you. I’ve treated you horribly because you left all those years ago, and I don’t know even know your reasons. And I know that I told you I didn’t want to know, but in saying that, I disregarded any possible feelings you might have. Who knows? Maybe keeping it to yourself is hurting you more than it would hurt me to know the truth.”
Growth is good, and I can see the effects of it working between us. “I didn’t come here to relive the past,” I tell him honestly. “I came here to see if we had a future.”
“Good,” he breathes out, relief washing through him. “But if you ever feel the need to tell me, then you can. My logic still stands, though. Knowing the reason won’t change anything. Because nothing has changed in the past five years. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ve loved you every single day in between.”
36
Jamie
I didn’t say those three words back.
Not because I didn’t feel them, but because I was too stunned to speak.
I still haven’t spoken.
I’ve done many other things like… showered, gotten dressed, sat in his truck, rode to the diner, and still… no words.
I’m officially mute.
Even when the server—not Sandra—came to take our order, I couldn’t get a sound out, and so Holden had to order for me.
Now, he watches me from across the booth, his arm outstretched on the top of the seat. He’s so cool and calm, as if he hasn’t just tilted my entire world off its axis. He has his head cocked to the side, his hair a mop of glorious morning mess, but it’s his eyes I focus on—bright against the light streaming through the windows, they don’t move, don’t shift from his stare. Finally, he opens his mouth, and, after a sharp intake of air, he says, shaking his head, “I don’t know why you’re so shocked.”
I tilt my head, matching his. “Hmm?”
Leaning forward, he rests his forearms on the table with a look of pure perplexity. “You do recall last night, right? When I handed you the keys to your garden? The garden I spent five years cultivating?” He grins to himself. So cocky. So Holden. “Because if that isn’t a sign of how much I love you, then I really don’t know what more I can do. Want me to say it again?”
I nod, biting my lip as heat forms in my cheeks.
“I love you, Jameson Taylor.” And before I know what’s happening, he’s standing on the booth, cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling, “Hey, everyone!”
It’s a Friday morning, and there are only three other people here: an elderly couple and a guy I’m almost positive drives the huge eighteen-wheeler in the parking lot. Still, I get up, try to pull him down by his t-shirt. “Holden, stop!”
He doesn’t. “Y’all see this amazingly beautiful, and talented, and smart, and extraordinary girl right here?” he shouts, pointing down at me. “I’m insanely in love with her!” Then he mock-glares at the older man a few tables over. “You keep your hands off her, Mr. Greeley,” he jokes. “Yeah, I’ve seen pictures of Mrs. Greeley back in the day.” He winks at the man as his wife giggles. “You ladykiller, you.”
“Stop!” I laugh out, tugging on his arm. “Get down!”
This time, he does as I ask and settles back in his seat.
“You’re such an idiot,” I tell him.
He feigns hurt, putting a hand to his heart. “You tell a girl you love her, and she calls you an idiot…”
“Maybe you’re an idiot for loving me.”
His eyes flash, and he leans forward again. He says, his voice low, firm, “Knock it off with the self-deprecation shit, or I’ll bend you over right on this table and fuck you in front of the Greeleys.” He glances over at the couple before meeting my eyes again, a barely contained smirk shaping his lips. “We can put on a show,” he chuckles. “Maybe give ’em a heart attack.”
I shake my head, watching the boy I love be everything I love about him. “I’ve missed you.”
“Yeah?” he asks, eyebrows raised.
I nod.
“Good,” he states. “Because I was barely breathing without you, Jamie.”
“Stop it!” I look from the now open box, bypassing Holden’s wide smile until I meet his eyes. “You got me rollerblades?!”
We’re sitting in his truck, still in the diner parking lot. The moment we got in, he reached into the back seat, grabbed a wrapped present, and handed it to me. It took all of three seconds for me to open it.
Holden nods. “Well, I feel like a dick about what happened to your other ones, so it was only fair I get you a new pair.” He motions to the back seat. “Got you a new helmet and pads too. And, going by the few seconds I saw you on those things, you’re going to need them.”
I bust out a laugh and settle down just as fast. Reaching up, I cup his jaw, run the pad of my thumb over his overnight stubble. “You know, you don’t have to buy me things to show me—”
“Uh, yeah, I do,” he cuts in. “Because you know what else—besides taking you on dates—I didn’t fucking do while we were together?”
I drop my hand. “Buy me gifts?”
“Uh-huh.” He nods.
“You bought me the pendant and the puzzle…”
“But we weren’t together.”
“And we are now?”
“We better be,” he says, “otherwise I’m going to bend you over—”
“Okay!” I laugh out. “I get it.”
“I’m just playing,” he says, pushing forward to press his lips to my forehead. “I was thinking we go to the nursery so you can practice.”
My smile is instant, and as much as I try to hide it, he sees it anyway.
Eyes still on mine, he settles back in the seat and brings his truck to life. “And maybe you can hang out with Mags for a bit.”
I kiss his cheek. “You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
He puts the car in reverse but doesn’t move. Then, eyeing me sideways, he asks, a suspicious lilt in his tone, “I thought I was the only boyfriend you’ve ever had.”