My mind goes back to that night.
The excruciating pain that ripped through my abdomen.
The heat from the fire making it hard to breathe.
The sound of her heels clicking across the floor as she left me there for dead is burned into my mind, playing on an endless loop and haunting me in my darkest nightmares.
My death should’ve irrevocably changed her life. She should be in an inconsolable state of grief, and yet, she’s the one that caused it. And I can’t help but wonder if she feels even the slightest ounce of guilt when she sees pictures of me hanging on the wall or watches as Kylie mourns the loss of her big sister.
“Oh, she won’t go without consequences,” I promise him. “But they’ll be delivered at my hands, not yours. And when the time comes, it’ll be me who avenges our baby.”
BEING THE PERSISTENT SHIT she is, I should’ve known to take Viola at her word. For the next three days, she’s by my side. Sucking up isn’t her specialty, that much is obvious, but she does her best. And when she brings a case of wine because Kage locked me out of the wine cellar…well, I don’t entirely hate her that day.
“I’m not saying Elena should’ve chosen Stefan,” she argues as she tosses a piece of popcorn into her mouth. “I’m just saying she should’ve taken advantage of the golden opportunity for a grade-A threesome.”
That’s the first thing she’s said that pulls a laugh out of me. “So you’re Team Damon then?”
She scoffs. “Hell no. I’m strictly Team Kai. Have you seen that man’s smirk? Come to mama.”
Chuckling, I take a sip of my wine, but I don’t miss the way she looks my way and smirks. My brows raise as I start to wonder if she’s completely lost her mind, or she’s plotting another way to get rid of me.
“What?” I ask.
She shrugs and turns back to the TV. “I told you I’d win you over.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re not the complete worst.”
Her lips purse. “I’ll take it.”
Kage walks in, stopping to glare at the glasses of wine in each of our hands. Viola keeps her eyes locked on the screen. I can’t tell if she still hasn’t recovered from him damn near shooting her in the head, or if she genuinely just doesn’t care what he thinks. Honestly, it’s probably a little of both. I, however, give him my sweetest smile.
His nostrils flare as he goes into the kitchen and yanks the refrigerator door open. He grabs a beer and lightly slams the door shut before marching back toward his office.
“Fucking Mancini twins, stealing her attention,” he grumbles under his breath.
Once he’s gone, my eyes lock with Viola’s and we both break out into hysterical laughter. She damn near spills her wine, she's laughing so hard. And when she finally manages to compose herself, she presses a hand to her chest.
“My God. I’ve never seen him pout like such a toddler before,” she says in disbelief.
My brows raise, but before I can open my mouth, a letter opener flies through the air—just missing Viola’s head and sticking itself into the wall. Her eyes widen as she turns around to see Kage standing there, practically shooting lasers from his eyes.
“Right,” she murmurs. “Well, that’s my cue."
She stands up and grabs her purse, going into the kitchen to empty her glass of wine. When she’s done, she turns to look at me and smiles.
“I’ll see you later, S.”
I nod. “Yeah, sure.”
The second she’s out the door, Kage is already heading toward me. “What the fuck was that, S?”
It takes everything in my power to hold back my smile, amused with how possessive he is. “I don’t know. She’s determined to become my friend.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
I shrug half-heartedly. “She’s…tolerable. And besides, it’s not like I can go out and find new friends, being dead and all.”
He stares back at me before shaking his head. “No. Nope. I don’t like it.”
Giggling, I stand up and walk toward him, dipping my fingers into his pockets. “I can’t spend the rest of my life with just you and Beni.”
He cocks a single brow at me. “Who the fuck said Beni is invited?”
“Kage,” I laugh. “I need other friends.”
“Why?”
Arching up on my tippy-toes, I press a kiss over his heart. “Because they keep me from wanting to kill you in your sleep.”
His hands land on my arms, and he moves me away from him so he can look down at me. “How many times have you considered doing that exactly?”
“Four…”
“Oh,” he says, relieved.
“…teen.”
Sputtering on air, his jaw drops. “Fourteen?”
I tilt my head side to side. “Give or take a few.”
“Saxon!” he groans, his amusement slipping through.
“What?” I ask innocently. “You’re a little insufferable sometimes.”
The corners of his mouth raise as he stares down at me. “Mm-hm. Great. I’m sleeping in the panic room from now on.”
A laugh bubbles out of me as I press my lips to his. “That’s probably smart.”
THE NEXT DAY IS a bad one. The kind where I wouldn’t mind if my bed wanted to swallow me whole and take me away from the pains and hardships of being alive. Kage watches me carefully, trying to get me to eat and making sure I have enough fluids, but it’s only making me more irritated.
Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?
Hell, why couldn’t they have just let me die?
Everything I’ve read said that depression comes in waves, some bigger than others, and that’s proven to be true. But today, it’s a goddamn tsunami, and I am drowning.
I wrap the blanket around me and sink into the bed, letting the emotions rip their way through me as I sob. It’s brutal and relentless, making it hard to breathe at times. I grip at the bed sheets, trying to get the mental pain and anguish to go away, but there’s no use.
When Viola comes over, she stands at the door and battles between leaving me be and helping me. Finally, she drops her purse on the floor and climbs onto the bed.
Her arms wrap around me and she goes to pull me close but I fight her off. Still, she doesn’t relent. She forces me into her arms and holds me until I stop pushing her away, finally breaking down in her arms. She runs her fingers through my hair as I cry.
I cry for the loss of my baby.
I cry for the loss of the life I had before.
I cry for the betrayal that feels like a blade through the chest.
Kage comes in moments later. He and Viola share a look, and she carefully moves so that Kage can take her place. He kisses my cheek and wipes the tears from my eyes, telling me that I’m not alone.
That he understands.
That he’s here.
And it helps. Not enough to stop the pain, but enough to keep me from thinking about the quickest and easiest ways to die.
It keeps me alive.
KAGE CROSSES HIS ARMS over his chest and shakes his head, as if there is no room for negotiation. Viola rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed and thinking he’s being unreasonable, while I sit on the couch, curled in a ball and giggling at the two of them.