I bend down and press a kiss to her forehead. She looks so fragile. Like if I add too much pressure, she’ll shatter. So, I keep my touch light.
“You have to be okay,” I whisper into her ear. “I need you to be okay.”
I SPEND MORE TIME than I’d like to admit wondering where we went wrong. Where I went wrong. The fact that she didn’t tell me about the baby cuts deeper than I thought it would. And hoping that she didn’t know herself is both selfish and selfless, because I don’t know how or if she can recover from that.
A knock at the door has me looking away from Saxon to find Dr. Ferro at the door. He’s dressed in his white coat, which must mean he’s working here today. Seeing him here brings a new sense of relief, because after all, he isn’t our personal doctor for his smile.
“Antonio,” I stand to greet him. “I’m so glad you’re here. While I’m sure the competence of your colleagues is up to par, I trust your expertise immensely.”
He tilts his head to the side. “I wasn’t called here to check on Saxon. Beni told me to come get a sample from you. He said you’re concerned about the current status of your vasectomy.”
Fucking Beni. “The doctor said that Saxon was pregnant at the time of the shooting. She lost the baby, but I’m supposed to be sterile. Seriously though, I can worry about this later. She’s my concern right now.”
He nods. “How about this; you take this cup and go get me a sample, and while I wait, I’ll look over Saxon and her chart to put your mind at ease.”
My phone vibrates, and I pull it out to see a text from the devil himself.
Beni: Better to know than to let it drive you insane.
Much to my dismay, Beni and the doc both have a point, so I reluctantly take the supplies and head into the bathroom. It isn’t until I step inside, however, that I realize the chances of me getting hard right now, let alone being able to finish, are gravely slim.
Still, I open the cup and place it on the counter before unzipping my pants. My cock is soft as I wrap my hand around it, and for the first few minutes, there isn’t anything I can do to change that. It isn’t until I close my eyes and let images of Saxon run through my mind that it starts to stir.
I can feel the blood flow south, and I harden in my hand as I picture her on her knees in front of me, her mouth wide open, begging for me to fill it. After the first time she sucked my dick, she made it a point to get better at it. And goddamn, did she ever. When she puts her mind to it, I don’t think there’s anything that woman can’t do.
I stroke myself faster, feeling my muscles clench as I get closer—imagining my hand is her mouth, taking me all the way in until she fucking chokes on it. And by the time I’m close, I’m damn near strangling my cock.
“Come on, badass,” she teases. “Fill my mouth with your cum. I want the taste of you on my tongue for the rest of the day.”
All the anger and frustration I’ve bottled up all day is being taken out on myself. My pace quickens as my fist gets tighter, and by the time I’m about to come, I’m scrambling for the cup and emptying everything I have into it.
For a single moment, I feel better. All the stress of the day is gone, but when I look at the cup and realize what it could mean, it all comes rushing back. Knowing I could bear a child brings its own share of questions and decisions, but possibly finding out that Saxon was sleeping with someone else? That would bring blood and violence that no one has ever seen before.
I slip the cup into the paper bag and wash my hands. When I’m done, I walk out to find Antonio reading Saxon’s chart. He flips it closed and hands it back to the nurse, thanking her softly.
“All done?” he questions.
I nod and hand him the bag. “Anything I should be concerned about?”
Antonio has one hell of a poker face. It’s practically required in his line of work. But after working with him for years, I know every one of his tells, and this one isn’t good.
“The damage was extensive,” he admits. “While the bullet missed her major organs, it wreaked havoc on her insides. If you hadn’t gotten to her when you did, she would have bled out only moments later. The doctor was right when he said it’s a waiting game at this point.”
“So, all I can do is pray for the best?”
He looks over at Saxon and smiles. “I’ve treated many people in my time, but not many are as strong and as stubborn as she is. Don’t give up hope just yet. And yes, a little prayer is never a bad idea.”
With a pat on my shoulder, he tells me he will have the results for me in a couple of hours. And then he leaves me alone to imagine a million different possibilities.
What a life with Saxon would be like.
What a family with Saxon would be like.
And the unavoidable, what a life without Saxon would be like.
That one I don’t think I could bear at all.
THERE’S SOMETHING PEACEFUL IN watching someone’s breathing. The steady rise and fall of their chest. The sound of it reminding you that they’re alive and putting your fears at ease. I never really understood why some people like to watch others sleep until now. Because sitting here, watching her, I could do this for hours and never tire of it.
She’s stronger than this. Hell, she damn near killed herself because she wouldn’t let me win. To believe for a second she would let Viola take her out is an insult to the whole institution that is Saxon Royce Forbes.
My gaze moves down to her stomach, and for the first time, I allow myself to feel the loss of what could have been. I wonder what he or she would have looked like. Would they have their mother’s eyes? My temper? For the love of God, give them anything but my temper. Then again, I’ve seen Saxon’s, and that may not be much better.
The sound of her stirring has my heart damn near leaping out of my chest. Immediately, I’m on my feet and at her bedside. My hand grips hers, and I speak softly to her.
“Saxon? Baby, are you there?”
Her eyes flutter open, and as she looks at me, the corners of her mouth twitch into what’s almost a smile, until it takes a turn for the worst.
I watch her eyes roll into the back of her head, and my stomach sinks deeper than when I heard the shots through the phone. Monitors start to go crazy, and within seconds, her room is flooded with nurses and doctors. I’m pushed out of the way by a nurse who doesn’t have the time to ask me to move.
“What’s wrong with her?” I ask.
But no one hears me. They talk among themselves, using medical terms that I wish I had Antonio here to translate. It isn’t until they’re unhooking things and rushing her out of the room that a nurse stops to look at me.
She hangs back for a second as they push Saxon down the hall. “Your wife is having complications. We need to get her back into surgery and fast.”
I nod, mumbling a quiet thank you while feeling like every part of me is dying inside. As she dashes off to join everyone else, I’m left in an empty room. Wires that were attached to Saxon only moments ago hang from the machines, and I’m faced with the brutal reality of what could very well be my life.
A life without her.
BENI COMES INTO THE room, only to be faced with me sitting in a chair—a plastic cup of whiskey gripped firmly in my hand. He glances around, as if Saxon is going to pop out from behind a curtain. When he notices the empty spot where her bed should be, his brows furrow.