I raped my Julie.
Grabbing hold of my chest, I lower my head as an acidic tear falls to the carpet.
I feel JJ moving closer to me, and darting to my feet, I rush to the door.
“Don’t leave! God, please don’t leave,” she cries out, panic lacing her words.
I can’t leave her alone.
But I can’t face her.
I can’t… fuck. I can’t do any of this.
Keeping my back to her, my voice is raw when I force the words out. “Cover yourself.”
So I can’t see what I’ve done.
But I can fucking hear, and the sob from JJ is another blow to the crumbled foundation I’ve built my entire life on.
Dropping down in the chair Rama was sitting in, I bury my face in my hands, and unable to process the relentless guilt, the raw ache, and the fact that I hurt JJ in the worst possible way, I break down for the first time since my parents died.
Christ, I’m going to lose my mind.
JJ
I’m a freaking emotional mess, still trying to come down from the impossible heights O’Brien took me to, how unbelievably incredible he felt, and how he dominated me.
The moment I see his total opposite reaction to what I’m feeling, my heart shatters to pieces.
He clearly doesn’t want me touching him, and watching him fall apart is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face in my life. Even harder than when I saw those photos of my father’s dismembered body.
It’s crushing… brutal, making my tears fall for a whole different reason now.
Yanking the covers off the bed, I wrap them around me and sink down to the floor.
“It’s okay,” I whimper, wishing he would hear me.
“Quiet.” The word shudders from him, his powerful body quaking under the force of whatever he’s feeling.
Then it hits.
Maybe it’s not okay? Just because it was fine with me doesn’t mean it was the same for O’Brien.
Oh, God.
He doesn’t feel the same about me.
Does he view me as a little sister?
A wave of nausea pushes up my throat, and scrambling to my feet, I rush into the tiny ensuite bathroom and empty my stomach in the toilet.
Does he feel violated?
One after the other, the horrifying thoughts keep coming until there’s nothing to vomit, and I feel drained of life itself.
I’m so caught up in my thoughts I startle when O’Brien appears in the doorway. His eyes settle on me, but there’s zero emotion in them. I’ve never seen the granite expression on his face as if he’s switched off his feelings.
Maybe he did, so he can cope.
“Clean yourself up,” he instructs, the words sounding foreign, unyielding, dominating.
Climbing to my feet, I nod, which he doesn’t even see as he turns away from me. With trembling fingers, I quickly open one of the new toothbrushes and gag on the toothpaste as I scrub the acid taste from my mouth. After rinsing my mouth, I cup some water in my hand and force it down.
The trembling in my body grows as if I’m having withdrawals from not having O’Brien inside me.
I reach into the shower, and turning on the faucets, I don’t even wait for the water to warm before stepping beneath the spray.
Glancing down my body, I see the red marks O’Brien left on me and remember the mind-blowing feel of his hands all over my skin.
It felt as if he enjoyed the sex.
My hand lifts, my fingertips touching my lips.
He kissed me with so much passion.
He orgasmed.
My eyes lower to my legs.
I can still feel him inside me.
He didn’t fuck me like someone who hated every second of it.
Voices draw my attention away from the thoughts, but they’re talking Albanian, so I can’t understand what they’re saying.
Hurrying, I quickly grab the small bottle of body wash and clean myself. After rinsing and turning off the faucets, I take a towel from a warming rack and wrap it around myself before peeking into the room.
There’s no sign of O’Brien.
Instantly I feel unsafe and glance around for anything I can use as a weapon should one of the other men come. Fear slams the breath from my lungs, panic making my pulse flutter violently.
When the door opens, my eyes fly toward it while my body jerks, my muscles tightening with apprehension, but then O’Brien comes in.
I’m hit with relief, my emotions on a wild rollercoaster ride.
He’s carrying a small bundle of fabric which he tosses on the bed. “Put that on.”
Wishing he would look at me, a pleading look forms on my face. “Can we talk?”
I get my wish as his eyes snap to me, his expression still hard and devoid of emotion.
“Please?” I beg, needing to know where his mind’s at.
Suddenly O’Brien stalks toward me, and when he’s within reaching distance, he grabs hold of my damp hair and yanks my head back so I’ll look up at him. “You will not ask any questions, and you’ll do exactly as I say.”
My breaths explode over my lips from the shock. “Okay.”
His intense gaze burns into mine. “I don’t care how. Just get out of this alive.”
“Okay,” I breathe again.
He lets go of me just as suddenly, taking a step back. “Get dressed. We’re expected out on the deck.”
I hurry to the bed and grab the fabric while letting go of the towel, not caring about my modesty. Turns out the clothes are nothing more than a skimpy bikini that only covers my nipples and manicured strip down south.
Now I care about my modesty. A lot.
My cheeks flame up as I turn to face O’Brien, and he takes one look at me before grabbing the shirt at the back of his neck and ripping it over his head. Tossing it against my chest, he barks, “Put it on.”
Grateful, I quickly tug his shirt on, then his warmth falls over my skin like a security blanket. “Thanks.”
Try as I might, I can’t stop myself from devouring the sight of his bare chest and abs. Golden muscle defines every inch of him, and the jeans hanging low on his hips only makes the view so much hotter.
His gaze is still unyielding on me, not a speck of familiarity or warmth to be found. “You do exactly as I say. You don’t talk. You don’t make a fucking sound.”
I barely have time to nod when he grabs my hand, and I’m yanked forward. I’m almost jogging out of the door to keep up with his pace. I’m led down a dim-lighted corridor and out onto a deck where whatever equilibrium I’ve managed to gain is shredded from me.
A girl on all fours is forced to give a blow job while she’s being choked, tears streaming down her red face. Another girl is being rammed from behind, where she’s cuffed to a railing, her cries echoing into the dark night.
God. Almighty.
The depravity instantly sticks to my skin, but before I can spiral down a dark hole, I’m yanked against O’Brien’s solid frame, my face planting into his chest. His hands lock on my hips, and I’m lifted from the floor. “Legs around my waist!” he snaps, and I immediately carry out his order, wrapping my arms around his neck. He moves until I feel a flat surface beneath my butt, and once I’m seated on a counter, he doesn’t let go but starts to plant hot kisses along my neck. His lips knead their way up to my ear, my eyes falling shut from how good it feels.