“Not really. It’s the opposite mostly.”
There’s a pang in my chest. “How could that be?”
He moves around as though he can’t get comfortable. “You know how many shitty things I’ve read about myself? That my acting sucks. How it’s too bad I couldn’t have stayed eight years old. They don’t like my haircut, what was I thinking about when I wore that. Everything down to did I put on a few extra pounds to I have small feet and you know what that means. It’s all such bullshit.”
I can’t say I haven’t seen the gossip, even if I don’t actively seek it out, and for the first time, I feel guilty about it. I roll over, keeping the sheet tight against me. “I can’t imagine that’s easy to deal with.”
“Do you wanna know why I want to be mayor?”
All I can see is the silhouette of him. I’m not sure I want the answer to the question my mom told me to ask him.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I say, because his answer might just prove wrong everything I’ve allowed myself to believe about him.
He shifts his weight to face me. “I just want to help people. I want to put policies in place that help those less fortunate. I want to have a community where people feel safe and secure and like they’re a part of something.”
“Why Sunrise Bay?” I ask.
He clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “That’s easy. The minute I step over the city limit, I feel like I’ve been transported somewhere else. Like the outside world doesn’t matter and almost like…”
“What?”
“It’s stupid.”
“Tell me.”
There’s still a long pause. “I want to help preserve what you have here. I want to protect it, the people, you.”
“From what?”
“I told you it’s stupid. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Gavin,” I say, my voice hopefully transparent enough that he knows he can trust me with this.
“I want to protect you from the ugliness of the world.”
And there it is. Maybe he does love this town as much as I do. And of course, with that, my heart floats right out of my chest and into his hands for him to do what he will with it.
“If you tell anyone that, I might have to start a rumor that you did permanent damage when you cut my ear,” he whispers.
“I promise, it’s safe with me. But I’m going to be honest, you would’ve won my vote with that reason. That’s what you should be telling people when you campaign.” I can’t believe I just confessed that, but it’s the truth. Still, I feel like a traitor to my mom.
My eyes have adjusted to the darkness of the room, and since we’re facing one another now, I can make out his face.
He smiles. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“If only you weren’t competing against my mom. Who knows what could’ve happened?”
He stares at me for a long moment, and I squirm under his attention. “I think about it all the time.”
“Gavin…” I turn my face away from his.
He reaches under my chin and urges me to look at him. “Don’t shy away from me. You’re beautiful.”
“You can’t say things like that. I have to hate you.”
He chuckles softly. “I don’t believe you hate me, but it does make me all hot when you pretend to.”
I push him in the shoulder. “I’m fully aware what you must be thinking about me wanting my mom to win so bad.”
“Don’t go thinking you know what’s going on in my head. I might be wondering what exactly they’re doing with our clothes right now.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. It feels really good after the night we’ve had.
“In all seriousness, I saw my mom at her lowest. I’m not sure kids are supposed to see their parents like that. Not at the age of eight anyway. I mean, maybe when they’re older and they need your assistance, like Grandma Ethel.”
Gavin chuckles. “I’m not sure anyone in this building needs any assistance from their children.”
“True enough.”
“Continue though,” he says softly.
“She had nothing after she split from my dad. We moved to Sunrise Bay, lived with my grandparents. She was so depressed.” I shrug. “Maybe when we were in Arizona, it was all an act, but she would be up and showered before us, make us breakfast, have our lunches all in order. My dad came home some nights at dinnertime, and he would kiss her hello, whisper something in her ear that made her smile. He’d check in with our homework, talk to Jed about whatever sport he was playing.” I sigh. “It really felt like we were straight out of a sitcom. Like we were the Carters.”
He huffs. “The Carters were fictional, Posey. We weren’t a real family.”
“I know, but—”
He takes my hand, holding it between us. “I understand. Hell, I was on the show and wished it was my real family. Even with my actor dad snorting coke during breaks and my actor mom screwing my fictional brother in the dressing room.”
My mouth opens. “Seriously?”
“Uh-huh.” He nods.
“Damn.”
“Yeah. But I keep interrupting you. Please finish.”
“It’s not really an original story. After the affair came out, she said we were moving. Jed blew up. Dad said she couldn’t take him, that Jed needed to be with his dad if he was ever going to go D1, but Mom told him she’d take him for everything if he tried to take Jed from her. They made some arrangement and whatever it was, it left her with nothing but child support. She’d never worked a day in her life, and she struggled to pick herself back up.”
“But clearly she did. She’s an amazing woman.”
I nod, tears welling when I think of how far she’s come. “She is. Hank helped her see her true self. The one who was there before my dad ruined her. But I was the one who’d stay with her at night and watch movies. I tried to make new traditions and new memories to fill the void of what she lost. Because although I didn’t know it then, you lose everything with divorce. It’s not just the parents, it’s all the family traditions. The little things that you did all your life. Soon, you’re not coloring eggs the night before Easter because you have to spend it with your dad. I didn’t have it half as bad as Jed, since my dad didn’t really want much to do with me.”
He squeezes my hand and frowns. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve seen Jed’s side too and I’m not sure it’s much better to be his prized pet, either. Dad did a number on him for sure.”
“It’s amazing how much childhood bullshit can screw you up. Twist your beliefs and how you see things.” He rolls onto his back.
We lie in silence for a few minutes, listening to the steady hum of our breathing.
After a while, he rolls back over to face me. “I’m gonna lay it out there, Posey. I really like you and I wish I could take myself off that ballot, but I’ve done what other people wanted me to my entire life. What my parents or my agent thought was best. But rehab taught me that if I’m really going to stay sober, I need to run my own life. I need to set goals and accomplish them. I need to do the things that light me up inside. But you have no idea what a weakness you are to that newfound strength of mine. How much I want to say fuck the campaign and take you out again.”