She understood that. On one level. But damn, that was frustrating and hearing him say it out loud made it more so.
She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and squeezed. “Okay. I still want the bayou date night tonight.” She didn’t want to pass up this chance. No matter what tomorrow night brought.
“Okay.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the palm. Then he tugged her around the truck and opened the passenger door for her.
As they drove down Bayou Road, Zander reached over and linked his fingers with hers, holding her hand on the middle console. Caroline smiled to herself. He was gruff and protective and could be downright stern, but he could be very sweet.
They turned off the main road just after the drive that led into the section of the animal park where the sloths, penguins, and tiger lived. They bumped over the narrow dirt road for a few miles before he turned again, taking them behind a line of trees and along the bank where the water was visible to the right side of the trail.
Finally, he turned onto a flat sandy area nestled amongst heavy bushes and trees. He parked and shut off the engine.
“Wow, this is really beautiful,” she said, looking out over the water that moved so slowly it almost seemed to stand still, the cypress trees draped in Spanish moss, and the orange sun starting to dip on the horizon. She turned to look at him. “It’s strange, isn’t it, that we’ve been looking at the same water, but it looks so different.”
“This doesn’t look like your backyard?” he teased with a grin.
She laughed. “Not exactly. Our backyard is carefully manicured. Kept by people my parents pay and we never really see. And extends for about four miles behind our house. The river runs at the bottom of a cliff that drops about a hundred yards.”
He whistled. “Damn.”
She nodded. “But I would have loved this backyard as a kid.”
“Hide and seek out here was fucking amazing,” he said. “Zeke was good, but Owen was the champ. He had no fear. He’d climb up or into about anything. Sawyer won a lot though because he was patient as hell. Could sit and outwait them. Eventually they’d get bored or hungry.”
“You didn’t win much?”
He shrugged. “I played for the fun. To hang with them. I didn’t care about winning so much.”
She kind of loved that about him. Come to think of it, there were several things to love about him. She swallowed hard as that realization hit. Well, damn, that had happened fast.
“I miss the house where I played hide and seek,” she said softly. “We lived there until I was thirteen and we moved to…where we live now. The house now just doesn’t feel like home. I’ve never really played there, you know?”
He squeezed her hand. “I think I do. Me and my brothers and cousins have never really stopped playing. It’s changed, of course, but we still let loose, have fun just to have fun. I think that’s important.”
She nodded. “I agree.” She paused. She was glad he had that. He was protecting that too, she knew. “The grounds we have now aren’t a place to play, but I do drive out to the river when I want to be alone and think. It’s…”
“What?”
“It’s going to sound weird out loud.”
“Try me.”
She took a breath. “It’s the only place that belongs to my family where I can be me and not worry about putting on an act, or like I need to watch what my dad or brother are up to, or wonder who my mother is talking to and what they’re filling her head with. It’s one place that belongs to my father that’s beautiful and peaceful.”
His fingers tightened around hers again. “I fucking hate that you don’t feel that anywhere else you associate with your family.”
“Me too.”
They just sat looking at each other for several seconds.
“I really wish you didn’t already know all the bullshit that’s out there,” he finally said. “I’d love to wrap you in bubble wrap—metaphorically, of course—and take care of you with home cooking and Cajun tall tales and crawfish boils and life in a town and a house that’s been in my family, yard and all, for generations.”
Unexpectedly a sob rose from her chest to her throat and she had to swallow hard twice before she could speak.
“You didn't happen to bring any moonshine with you, did you?” she asked.
“As a matter of fact…” Zander reached under his seat and felt around.
Caroline took the opportunity to sniff and blink hard and pull herself together a bit.
A moment later, Zander triumphantly produced a small Mason jar. “Never leave home without it.”
She even managed a smile. “You never leave home without moonshine in your car?”
He chuckled. “This moonshine works for more than just getting a nice buzz real quick. In the winter it'll melt ice and frost faster than anything I've ever seen, can get blood out of almost anything, is the best lighter fluid I’ve ever used, and I swear it works as an antiseptic better than most things you can find in the pharmacy.”
She laughed looking at the clear liquid in the unassuming jar. She was ninety percent sure he was kidding about…at least some of that. “And we’re certain that it's safe to drink?”
“My grandparents and their friends have been drinking it for decades and they are definitely still kicking and their minds are working…as well as they ever have,” Zander gave her a grin. “I promise their crazy doesn't come from this jar, anyway.”
“So the all-purpose liquid is coming to the back of the truck with us?”
“Absolutely.”
They carried the jar to the truck bed. Zander let down the tailgate and tossed in a couple of canvas bags she hadn’t noticed. Already in the back of the truck was a large silver pot she assumed contained the crawfish. There was also a small cooler. He opened the canvas bags and started to unroll sleeping bags and blankets.
“Always prepared for anything?” Caroline teased.
“I've slept in this truck more times than I'd like to count.”
“Just slept?”
“You have a question for me, Ms. Holland, just ask it.”
“Okay, fair enough. How many girls have slept in this truck with you?”
“Like any good bayou boy, I've had girls in truck beds before,” Zander told her. He turned to face her fully. “But…” He tugged the pot closer and lifted the lid. “I’ve never made a private crawfish boil for anyone.”
Inside was not only cooked crawfish but also potatoes, corn on the cob, and sausage. She breathed deep of the spicy scent. “Oh my God. That looks and smells amazing.”
He shrugged. “It’s the best I can do. I’m not a romantic. I’m not sweet. I’m not lookin’ for any of that so I don’t usually make the effort.”
But he was tonight.
Whether he realized it or not, this was very romantic.
Suddenly her hunger for food was gone. All she wanted, all she needed, was Zander.
She moved close. “I love”—She broke off just before she said the you—“all of this. Thank you.” She took the front of his shirt and pulled him down for a soft kiss.