“The Between knows,” whispered the Evenfey, as if Puck hadn’t spoken. “You cannot hide your fears from it. It sees all. You cannot escape.”
The cowled figures reached the bottom of the steps and kept walking forward. I raised my sword as one of them angled toward me, hood still lowered, hiding its face. A thought flashed through my mind of another challenge, many years ago. A narrow hallway with hundreds of mirrors, and watching my own reflection step out of the glass to fight me. Only it wasn’t me, but Ash the Winter King. Ash the soulless monster. As the cowled figure came steadily forward, I braced myself to see my own reflection staring back at me. I had slain the evil part of me before; I was fully prepared to face myself again.
The figure raised its head and looked at me straight on.
“Hello, Father,” Keirran said quietly. “I knew you would come.”
14
PERSONAL NIGHTMARES
“Keirran.”
My voice echoed in the sudden, absolute silence. I turned my head and found myself in a vast, frozen wasteland. The ruins had disappeared, and a forest of twisted, frozen trees, bent under the weight of snow and icicles, stretched away into the darkness. The snow coating the ground was spattered red with the blood of countless bodies, lying in twisted piles around me. Most of them were frozen, lips and features blue, though some had been impaled with spears of ice, or cut apart with an icy blade. I spun slowly and saw a figure floating off the ground, a jagged spike thrust through her middle, raising her into the air. Mab hovered there, impaled from behind, limbs dangling stiffly and eyes staring sightlessly at nothing. Snow drifted softly around her, landing on lips and skin before dancing away on the breeze. My stomach lurched, and I took a steadying breath to gather my thoughts. This is the Between, I reminded myself. Reality could be manipulated here, my worst fears and darkest secrets manifesting in front of me. No matter what I saw, no matter who appeared from the mist, I had to remember where I was. The fog curled around me, and my mind floundered. Everything felt hazy and surreal; memories were starting to blend together. It was suddenly hard to recall which images were real and which were imagined.
This is not your world. This is not your reality. Remember that. I shook myself, driving back the confusion clawing at me. Do not forget where you are.
Steeling myself, I turned back and looked for Keirran. He now stood a few paces away, black cloak fluttering wildly in the wind. His silver hair and unsheathed sword gleamed like metal in the unnatural light. His eyes were a mix of fury, grief, and a terrible resolve, and I suddenly knew his intentions.
Despair flickered, and I pushed it down. “This isn’t going to work,” I told the figure of my son. “I know you’re not the true Keirran. Using my fears against me is pointless if I know this isn’t real.”
“Is it not?” Keirran asked quietly. “How would you define what is real and what isn’t? Look around you.” He gestured to the mountains of bodies, all dead by my hand. “This is real, Father,” Keirran murmured. “In this world, the Winter King slaughtered everyone we knew. And now, we all have to face the consequences.”
Figures melted out of the trees, stepping into the light. Puck and Meghan, their expressions haunted, met my gaze with grim determination, and my heart sank. No. Not them. I don’t want to do this.
“Ash,” Meghan whispered. “I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I should have seen this coming.” Her gaze strayed to the body of Mab, hanging limply from the ice spike, and her lips tightened. “But this cannot continue, and you’re too far gone. I had to make the call I never thought I would.”
This isn’t real. I shook my head. “None of you are real,” I told them, as the three people I loved most surrounded me, their expressions somber. “I know I’m still in the Between.”
“You brought us here, ice-boy,” Puck said, his voice uncharacteristically bleak. He took a step forward, green eyes shadowed and haunted. “You know us better than anyone. Your memories, your thoughts, your emotions brought us to this spot. We are as real as you are, and you know I can’t tell a lie.”
“It’s not the same,” I insisted, wondering why I was arguing with shadows. They might be flawless copies, but they were not the same as those I had stepped into the Between with. Meghan and Puck were not here. Keirran was safely in the Deep Wyld with the Wolf. I had to believe that, or I would be lost.
Meghan stepped toward me, her expression one of veiled anguish. The pain in her eyes tore at my heart, exactly as if it was the real Meghan. “I can end this quickly,” she whispered, not quite able to hide the tremor in her voice. “I would rather end it quickly, for all our sakes. But I know you, Ash. And I know you are not going to yield. Still, I offer you this one chance—drop your sword, close your eyes...and let me do what I must. No more pain, no more blood or killing or death. This will finally be over.”
“Meghan.” I gazed at her, feeling that same clenching of my heart. Dammit, everything about her is perfect. I can’t tell the difference between them. It’s like she’s really standing there. “I don’t want to fight you,” I said desperately. “I told you before, a world where we’re enemies is not one I want to exist in. But,” I went on as her eyes grew suspiciously bright, “I can’t let you kill me. Not here. My real family is waiting for me, and I won’t fail them.”
Meghan bowed her head, but I caught the tear crawling down her face before it dropped to the bloody snow. “If that is your decision,” she whispered, and her fingers tightened around her blade. “I swear, we’ll make it as painless as we can.”
And she lunged at me.
I twisted away on instinct, knocking the steel blade aside, my body reacting even though my mind was still reeling with denial and shock. As I leaped back, I saw Keirran dart in and quickly parried the lightning-quick stab at my face. But then Puck joined the fray, and as skilled as I was, my sword couldn’t be in three places at once. The edge of Keirran’s blade got through, biting into my arm, as the point of Meghan’s sword slashed across my chest.
The pain shocked me, proving that, whatever I thought, this aspect of the world was real. Gasping, I staggered away from them, feeling blood stream from my wounds and drip to the ice. They didn’t follow; Keirran stood a little behind Meghan and Puck, his face turned away and his jaw clenched, as if he hated this and would rather be anywhere else.
“Ash, please,” Meghan said, and though she stood tall, her voice was slightly choked. “We don’t want you to suffer. You don’t have to fight this. Let us end it quickly.”
“No,” I rasped, though I knew it was hopeless. I could handle Keirran, and I could hold my own against Puck, but all three at once? Meghan wasn’t using her Iron Queen powers, but the second she brought her Iron glamour to bear, I was in trouble.