“Ash?”
The world seemed to stop. I turned, and Meghan stepped out of the mist, a bright, vivid silhouette against the colorless backdrop of gray and white.
My heart leaped, everything inside me reacting to her presence. There was a time when I might have been surprised to see her there. I might have questioned, been wary, demanded to know how she found me. Especially now, after I had just ended the life of another Iron Queen, and my hands were still shaking from what I had done.
I had no proof, no evidence, that this Meghan was the one I had pledged my life to. None, except the way my heart and soul reached out to her, and the feeling of utter relief that spread through me like a flood, searing away any doubt.
She raised her hands as she came forward, her gaze beseeching mine. “I’m real,” she said softly, carefully, as if afraid I might not believe her. “It’s me, Ash. I’m—”
I took two strides forward, reached out, and pulled her close, crushing her against me. She let out a startled breath, then returned the embrace tightly. Her arms squeezed my ribs, and the wounds on my back, arms, and chest throbbed, but I barely felt them. The world could dissolve around me, but if Meghan was here, that was all I cared about.
“Ash.” Meghan’s voice was soft. Her fingers moved up my chest, resting over my heart, which was still pounding. “You’re shaking,” she murmured.
“I had to kill you,” I replied softly, and it was an effort to keep my voice steady. “That was...”
“I know.” She pulled back and gazed up at me, her eyes bright with sympathy and pain. “And I know it killed you to do it. But, I’m glad, Ash. I’m glad I didn’t lose you today, especially to myself.” Her hand pressed gently against my jaw. “You did what you had to do. We’re still together. So, no regrets.”
I could only nod. Meghan leaned into me, and I wrapped my arms around her again. The world around us continued to fray apart, strands of mist pulling free to writhe into nothingness. I was glad to see it go, relieved that the bodies scattered through the snow had been the first to disappear. I didn’t want to see them, the proof that I had murdered my family. The false Meghan’s scream when I killed Keirran still echoed in my mind, sunk into my consciousness like a bright shard of pain that would never come out. The Unseelie side had been set free today, proving that I hadn’t gotten rid of it at all. It was still there, waiting for any moment of weakness to rise up again and wreak havoc. I felt tainted, knowing what I had done. What I was still capable of doing.
And while you’re standing here feeling sorry for yourself, the Nightmare King is still coming.
I shook myself. This scene would continue to haunt me, and I could look forward to going through it again in future dreams, but the Nightmare King was still being summoned, and we were still trapped in the Between. For now, we had to focus on what we’d come to do.
Taking a deep breath, I gently drew back. “We need to find Puck,” I told Meghan. “And Nyx. They’re probably dealing with their own nightmares. If we can find them, maybe we can figure out how to get out of here.”
“Yes,” Meghan agreed. “Though, I’m not really sure how I got here. After I dealt with...my own thing, all I could think about was finding you. When the world began to come apart, I just started walking, and it led me here. I think...” She gazed around, her brow furrowed, before continuing. “I’m not entirely sure this is right, but...if these worlds represent our personal nightmares, then maybe we have to defeat the core, the essence of what we fear, to destroy it. That would make sense...with what I had to do.”
I noted her pale face, the almost haunted look in her eyes, and cursed myself for not seeing it sooner. I had been wrestling with my personal nightmares, but Meghan had been through her own as well.
“What happened?” I asked softly.
She shivered, closing her eyes. “The Iron Kingdom was burning,” she replied in a shaky voice. “The Nevernever was destroyed, and everyone I knew and loved was dead. You, Puck, Ethan, my family... He killed them all.”
My stomach wrenched in horror and sympathy. I knew which he Meghan was talking about. “Keirran,” I murmured, and she nodded. “Did you...?”
She nodded again. “I knew it was a nightmare,” she confessed. “I knew that it wasn’t real, that it was just my worst fears coming to pass, but still...”
I drew her to me again, holding her as she composed herself. She trembled for a brief moment, allowing herself to feel the grief and horror of what she had to do, then took a deep breath and straightened, the Iron Queen persona falling into place. Later, if we survived this, she would give in to the emotions I knew were tearing her apart inside. But right now, the rest of our party was missing, and I wasn’t about to leave anyone behind. We had to find them before they succumbed to their own worst fears.
“We need to find the others,” Meghan said, echoing my thoughts. “I was able to leave my nightmare and find you, but only after I had killed...” She paused, a shadow of pain going through her eyes. “He was the heart of it,” she mused, as if just coming to the realization. “The anchor of that nightmare world. Maybe if we can defeat the core of what we fear the most, that nightmare will dissolve.”
I nodded. “It makes sense.” As much sense as anything did in the Between, which was very little. Only in a terrible nightmare world would I find myself having to kill my entire family in self-defense.
I pushed those memories aside to deal with later. “What do you want me to do?” I asked quietly.
Meghan’s hand rose to my cheek, her thumb gently tracing the gash left over from my fight with her shade. The rest of my wounds had closed, or at least had gone numb from the angry Winter glamour swirling through me, but I still bore the marks of that terrible battle.
Her eyes tightened. “These are nightmares,” she went on, “but the Between makes them real. We could have died fighting them.” She paused, a flicker of pain crossing her face, before she set her jaw. “The sooner we find everyone else, the better,” she decided. “I’ll look for Nyx and Grim, if you go after Puck.”
I nodded reluctantly, silencing my immediate protests. I didn’t like the thought of splitting up, but it was probably for the best. Time seemed of the essence, and we would cover more ground if we were searching for different people. And as much as I didn’t want to leave Meghan alone, I trusted her. Even in a hellish nightmare world, the Iron Queen, I knew, could take care of herself.
“All right,” I said. “I’ll search for Goodfellow then. Once I find him, we’ll come looking for you and Nyx.”
“What about Grimalkin?”
I resisted the urge to snort. “Wherever Grimalkin is, he’ll be fine. I’m not sure that cat even has nightmares.”