She turns to look at me and says, “Do not say a word.”
“Can you hold my hand again, Zach?” Matilda asks. I move seats, make sure her seat belt is buckled properly, and hold her hand while we’re taking off.
A few moments after the pilot lets us know we’re free to roam around the cabin, I notice that Matilda is fast asleep. I kiss her forehead and move closer to Autumn. I can feel her anger, or maybe it’s disappointment. Instead, her attention is on her iPad. I know she has a test on Monday, and I’m trying not to take her silence personally, but…if she’s going to say fuck you, Zach, she should do it now.
Callie would simmer for hours, and then she’d start playing mind games. Is this what’s going to happen? She might just end it once we land.
We both spend our time working. At some point, I hear Autumn say, “Thank you. I love what you did for her.”
“But?”
She glances at me. “You heard her. She wants a brother.”
“Though it’d be lovely to grant her wish, that’s where I draw the line.” I wink at her. “But we can always practice.”
Her nostrils flare. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Why are you so mad?”
“I like you,” she says.
“The feeling is mutual.”
“You’re an amazing guy. We know things between us aren’t permanent.”
I want to tell her that it could be whatever we want. It’s hard to keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to break up or irritate her more than I just did. However, I want to tell her that we can go as far as forever if she lets us. It’s been just a week since we started this relationship. But it’s been longer than a week. This has been happening since last October. Matilda’s calls piqued my curiosity. When Persy talked to Autumn, I was hooked. I wanted to be with someone who’d love me at least a tenth of how she loved Pax.
“Why not?”
“I don’t have time for more than what I can give you. I have Matilda and three jobs and school.”
What she sees as an obstacle, I see as an opportunity. A chance to become a team. “You’ll have me.”
“Until you leave.”
“I promise I won’t leave you.”
“You can’t make those kinds of promises. Enjoy what we have while we have it.”
I wish I could say more, but Matilda wakes up, and I notice Myles texted me earlier.
Myles: I heard the trip was a success.
Zach: Thank you, I owe you one.
Myles: Level with me. Is this serious?
I glance at Autumn, who’s staring at her hands. I wish I could read her and know what she’s thinking. Maybe I’m moving too fast, and we need to slow things down by a lot. The last thing I want is to scare her. What if she’s just meant to show me what hope means? What it takes to survive instead of barely living?
Zach: I want it to be serious, but it seems like she’s not in the same place.
Myles: Back off a little. Slow things down and win her over.
Zach: Anyone would think you have some experience.
Myles: I do.
Zach: Anyone I know?
Myles: No. I usually meet women during my trips, and we fall in love. The secret of a relationship is to learn how to stay in love. I haven’t mastered that.
And maybe that’s the problem with me. I don’t know how to fall in love. I just latch myself onto the people with whom I think I can fall in love with easily
Zach: I hate to admit that you’re right.
Myles: Call if you need me, okay?
I drop them off at home, but I don’t stay with them. Since I promised Matilda that I’d prepare waffles on Sunday, I arrive at seven o’clock, aware that she’s an early bird.
“You’re up early,” Autumn opens the door, yawning.
I show her the box where I carry all the items to make the best waffles in the world.
“It’s waffle time.”
“Waffle time!” Matilda comes running from the bedroom area.
She glares at her mom. “See, I told you he’d be here.”
“Is it okay?” I ask Autumn.
She shrugs a shoulder. “We agreed.”
Okay, so she hates me, or I pissed her off, and now I don’t know what to do. I decided yesterday to take a few steps back and do this slowly. How am I supposed to say I’m sorry when I’m trying to do everything in moderation?
She sucks on her bottom lip and opens the door wider.
“I brought aprons for everyone,” I say, setting the box down on the counter and handing a kid-size apron to Matilda and another one to Autumn.
I put everyone to work in the kitchen. I plan on addressing Autumn’s animosity later when Matilda isn’t around. If this is over, I’ll just walk away. Autumn chops the fruit while Matilda and I measure out the ingredients and mix them up. A few times, I stop and look around me. I enjoy being with them. I want to fit in with them, but am I forcing myself? Instead of wasting my time thinking about it, I enjoy the present.
When we finish eating breakfast, I get a text from one of the breeders. I made a mistake opening it on the table. The picture of six puppies appears. The caption? You can come and choose your pup.
“You’re getting a puppy?” I glance to my right and melt by the sight of Matilda’s happy face.
I’m afraid to look to my left.
“No. I’m sure it’s a wrong number.”
“Oh.” Her chin drops, almost touching her chest.
My heart almost breaks, and instead of trying to fix it, I start gathering the dishes. “Okay, ladies, since you cooked, I’m going to clean up the kitchen and wash the dishes.”
“I can do it,” Autumn offers.
“Nah. This is your break, remember.”
Once I’m done wiping the counters, I put everything in the box, and get ready to leave.
“You’re not staying?” Matilda asks.
I glance at Autumn, who’s been quiet and avoiding my gaze for the past couple of hours.
“No, sweetheart. I have work to do.”
“When are you coming again?”
I shrug. “We’ll see, okay.”
“Okay.”
Honestly, I don’t want to leave. I hate to go back to an empty house and live a meaningless life, but Autumn said it yesterday; this wasn’t permanent. It only lasted a week.
“Why don’t you watch cartoons?” Autumn says. “I’m going to walk Zach to the door.”
“Okay.” Matilda’s sad voice is breaking my heart.
We step outside; Autumn closes the door. “You didn’t come last night.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“Listen, I just want to make sure I know where we stand. If you don’t want to come back, I understand. I’m a lot to handle, and Matilda can be pretty intense.”
“I thought you didn’t want to see me again?”
“Why?”
“On the plane, you were upset. You hated that I was…I don’t even know what made you so angry.”
She shakes her head. “I’m upset at myself because I haven’t handled this well, and I don’t know where to go from here without losing myself, hurting my daughter, or losing you.”