Nothing in life is flawless. Everything is messy and chaotic. Maybe that’s exactly why I want to keep to myself. I don’t want anyone trying to fix the disarray caused by Callie. I’m not even sure if it was by her arrival into my life or by the way she left. I no longer want to be the poor widower who can’t put his life back together. However, I also don’t want anyone else trying to put together the shattered pieces of my life.
How am I supposed to live?
Chapter Four
Autumn
“I’m not cut out for this.”
Miranda, my best friend, gives me a curious look. “This?”
“Life. Love…” Motherhood. I don’t say the last one out loud.
Being a mother is hard. Trying to do it while working two jobs—well, one now since I got fired a week ago from one—going to school and surviving a fire is almost impossible. I’m pretty sure that life will be better in the jungle than in the city. At least I’d know what to watch out for.
Miranda hands me a cup of tea. My brother drove me to her place after the paramedics checked us to ensure we were okay. We were.
We are.
As I explained earlier to the police, we left the building as soon as we heard the fire alarm. I’m thankful that Matilda and I lived on the first floor of the apartment complex. We were able to get out of our place before the flames consumed the building. No one was hurt, but we lost our home and our belongings.
“What can I do for you?”
I sigh. “I need a new job, a new apartment. Maybe a new mother.”
“What happened with your mom?”
“She’s pressuring me to send Matilda to a private school. She made a lot of sacrifices to do it for Aiden and me, so I should do the same. Someone needs to tell her that she was married and her husband was loaded at the time. There weren’t any sacrifices.”
“You mean your dad.”
“Yep, the sperm donor.”
“Why don’t you tell her?”
I scoff. “It’d be like opening Pandora’s box. I don’t want to be the one reminding her about Dad’s vacation in prison. My life feels like it’s cursed. Maybe I’m paying for my father’s embezzlement.”
Miranda rolls her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Let me be ridiculous for at least another ten minutes. Until my brother is back with Matilda. Then, I’ll need to pretend everything is fine.” I glance at her before taking a sip of my warm tea. I should be drinking tequila. Before I ask for some hard liquor, I ask, “How are things with my brother?”
It’s been a year since I suggested he make a move or lose Miranda. It took him a couple of months to comply, but I can say that my matchmaking was a success. They’ve been together ever since. From the look on my best friend’s face, I can say that they’re happy.
“That good, huh?”
She gives me a shoulder shrug. “I’d tell you more, but you keep saying, ‘Ew, he’s my brother, Miranda!’”
“I want to know if your relationship is working, not how good he is in bed.”
She licks her lips, giving me a conspiratorial look. “He is really good.”
“Stop. I’d rather stick a finger in my ear than listen to that.”
She laughs.
“One day, you’re going to meet someone,” she says reassuringly. “Someone nice who’ll love your five-year-old monster as much as you do. You’re going to marry him and have more children. You’ll live happily ever after. This, what’s happening today, is just a casualty of life. It’s a stage, and you’ll get past it soon.”
“Getting fired because a coworker backstabbed me, being evicted because my apartment building is burnt to a crisp, and losing most of my belongings is a stage?” I glare at her. “Sure, let’s call this just a fucking stage.”
“I’m just saying it’ll get better.”
She’s right. In a year or so, this will look like a simple incident. At least Matilda and I are safe and alive. That’s what matters, isn’t it?
So what if I lost her baby pictures, my furniture, and our clothes? Does it matter that the only pictures I have of her and Pax are gone? No. We’re safe. We’ll be fine.
It’s going to take us a little time to rebuild, but I can do it. I’m an expert when it comes to reconstructing my life. I was fourteen when Dad landed in jail because of a big trading-embezzlement scandal. He’s still doing time. Five more years, and he’ll be out.
Mom might complain about Matilda not going to a private school, but that’s a lot better than hanging out with a bunch of wealthy kids who hate you because your father stole money from their parents. I curse the day when the school owner granted me a scholarship to finish my classes. Going to a public school where no one knew me and my father didn’t owe them anything would’ve been better.
“You’re right. There are other jobs, other apartment complexes, and I need a new wardrobe.”
“That’s the spirit. In the meantime, you can stay at my place.” She gives me a devious smile. “You can use my bedroom. Matilda can stay in the guest room, and I…”
I laugh. “You’re going to use me as an excuse to stay with my brother?”
“I don’t need an excuse. I was going to say I have extra time to play with Mr. Wick.”
I stare at her with a warning look. “God, I don’t want to know what that means.”
“Your brother is Mr. Wickerton. Mr. Wick is—”
I cover my ears. “La-la-la-la-la.”
She bursts into laughter. I smile because even when the future doesn’t look promising, I have my family and my best friend by my side. Matilda and I will be fine.
Six months after the fire, I finally have enough money to afford the deposit, first month’s rent, and furniture for a new apartment. After living in the city for six months, I decided to stay in Seattle. The commute to Silver Lake is too long. Also, the school district is one of the best in the state. Matilda has already made some friends in her school, and I don’t want her to go through more changes.
As if she’s reading my thoughts, she suddenly asks, “Are we going to move again?”
“I don’t think so,” I answer while I’m building her bed.
I regret the moment when I clicked on the beautiful princess bunk bed with a castle-like desk at the bottom. It’s gorgeous but a pain to put together. Who knew it was a build-it-yourself project? Not me.
Where is Aiden when I need him? Oh, right, he’s in the Bahamas with Miranda celebrating some anniversary. Those two use anything and everything as an excuse to go on vacation.
“We just moved, sweetie. It’s too soon to be thinking about that.”
She nods, hugging her pink teddy bear. The only stuffy that we were able to save from the fire. I take her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. They say children are resilient, but this one needs a break. I wish I could offer her more stability. I wish I could promise her that this is our permanent place. I can’t.
“Hopefully, we won’t move for several years.”