“Do you need legal help?” Eleanor was quick to ask. She was a lawyer and sometimes, I tend to forget what her profession was.
I smiled slightly but shook my head. “I don’t think it’s that bad that requires a professional help. I’ve been in a handful of scandals and I know that I can always clear my name with a statement and a press conference but…”
I could clear my name with the rest of the world but I wasn’t sure if I could do the same thing with Audrey. She first knew me as this scumbag douche who seemed to have an affinity for breaking women’s heart and she always swore off me. She felt repelled from me automatically before and we’d always had a mutual sense of loathing towards each other.
Until it turned into mutual likeness and now, I could literally feel it spiraling down the rabbit hole and I wanted to hop off the first plane and go to LA and salvage the relationship that we built.
“But what?” Eleanor’s voice was soft and yet she still snapped me out of my trance.
I licked my lips and stared in the distance. “But I don’t think that whatever explanation I give would matter to who I wanted it to understand most.”
When I looked at Eleanor, she had her hair tilted slightly to the side as she stared back at me with soft golden eyes that darkened as the sun lowered its position. “By any chance, can you elaborate what that means?”
My brothers all had a sinking suspicion that I might be seeing Audrey but I never really confirmed it to any of them. Milo had witnessed how Audrey and I interacted and how much he had shared with the two that was something I didn’t know of. But if Eleanor didn’t seem to have the slightest bit of idea of what I was talking about, then maybe none of them really did know the status of my love life.
“You know how we lost the deal with our previous record label?” Eleanor nodded when I said that so I continued, “so a company approached us right after but the thing was, the owner of that company was someone I was at odds with since college.”
Eleanor’s eyes narrowed slightly and she slowly nodded. “I think Megan mentioned this to me in a phone call a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, you made the owner your assistant?”
Despite my current predicament, I chuckled and nodded my head. “It was sort of a compromise. The boys appreciated the fact that their company was the first to come up to us after that ugly termination of contract with the previous company. The deal was for her to be my assistant for a month and well, obviously, that one month is over and we’ve signed with them.”
“So what’s the matter?”
I let out another shaky breath as I tried to gather my thoughts. “I…we…”
I couldn’t really finish my sentence because I didn’t know how I was meant to describe the relationship that I had with Audrey. We were sleeping with each other but I knew that there were more feelings involved and it wasn’t just sex for me and I could only hope that it was the same for her. I meant what I said when I told her I wanted her.
I meant it when I said I like her.
“I like her, Eleanor,” I whispered and closed my eyes, feeling the tears prickle my eyes because even when Audrey wasn’t in front of me and blatantly rejecting me, I had the sinking feeling that it would turn out that way when we came face to face, “and right now, I feel like I just lost her.”
I felt a hand on my back, gently patting me. “You don’t know that, Jules. You haven’t even talked to her. Maybe if you go back and see her, maybe you can explain things.”
“I can try,” I said, my voice sounding a little hoarse, “but I’m not sure how I can explain to Mom that I have to leave right away and…”
My phone started ringing and I picked it up from where I threw it and felt my whole world stop when I saw Audrey’s name flashing on the screen. I stared at it, unsure of what I was meant to do and Eleanor gave me a nudge, nodding at me and suddenly I realized that Audrey was calling me.
“Audrey,” I said her name almost breathlessly, “I heard about what happened. I’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning and we can do some damage control with the rumor-,”
“Why did you say those things, Julian?” Her voice sounded so quiet, so distant and the way the words rolled off her tongue broke my heart. She sounded so small, nothing like the vibrant Audrey that I’d known for a while, the one with the spunky attitude that always put me in my place.
She sounded so heartbroken and the sound broke me too.
I swallowed and I could feel my hand begin to shake as I held the phone close to my ear. “It’s not what you think. That video…however it was played out, was only one-side of a story. I didn’t mean anything of what I said.”
Suddenly, she sounded different, as if the excuse I gave triggered her anger and it was as if she did a complete 180. “But what if you’re actually just fooling me, Julian? Maybe this is your own twisted idea of amusement against the person that kicked you out of the hospital five years ago because she blamed you for her best friend’s attempt to kill herself. Maybe this is your idea of revenge.”
You’re impossible, Julian Hudson, as cold-hearted and cruel as everyone had painted you to be.
“You know I’m not like that, Audrey.” I stood up and then walked away, wanting privacy for the conversation. I think Eleanor understood because she quietly left me to talk to Audrey on the phone. “You wanted what we had to be kept private and Anthony was prying and…”
“So are you trying to pin this on me? That it’s my fault that I didn’t want to disclose that we have some kind of relationship other than a working one?” I could sense the anger in her tone, as well as the disappointment that I wasn’t the guy she thought I was.
“I’m not blaming you!” I said in exasperation as I ran a hand through my hair again, unsure of how I was meant to handle this kind of conversation. “Anthony egged me on, okay? There was a fine line between me wanting to protect you and keeping my word to you that we weren’t going to disclose anything to the public until you say so.”
“And what about the part that you painted me to be the kind of woman who was willing to throw herself to you for the sake of her company?” Audrey’s voice was shaking and I could hear the disgust in her tone. “What kind of sick, twisted game are you trying to play, Julian?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. That statement was a low-blow and I didn’t really think twice before saying it. “I’m sorry, Audrey, I didn’t mean any of it. You’re not that kind of girl. I know that…I shouldn’t have...how it turned out was not how I intended it to be…”
I was at lost for words and I was grappling to find the right ones. Audrey cleared her throat and said, “Whatever your intention was with the whole thing, Julian, one thing remains clear to me. You’re still the same guy that you were five years ago.”
“You know that’s not true.” I whispered.
Audrey sighed on the other line. “I don’t know what the truth is with you anymore, Julian Being with you the way that I was, allowing things to transpire between us that shouldn’t have, it was all a bad call on my end. I shouldn’t have allowed anything to happen because you are Julian Hudson. No matter what you say to me, you will always remain as the guy that broke a hundred hearts and I allowed you to break mine.”