I let out a sigh of relief even if we had a backup plan if things turned out the way I thought it would. I knew my parents could shoulder the funding of Dick Carson but it would be better if Dick didn’t really pull out, which was something that Dad predicted. I talked to him about everything yesterday when I came to visit and he offered me help without hesitation. Even Mom didn’t need convincing.
My parents lingered in the company for a while and we had lunch together then they left. I stayed to finish work despite Theo telling me that it would be a lot better if I went home so that I could rest, knowing that I spent the weekend figuring out the situation that I was in. But I told him that I was fine when in truth, I wanted to stay at work to distract myself from the heartache that I kept putting on pedestal.
By the time work finally came to an end, I knew that I had to go home to a place that had been recently filled with memories of Julian. It was as if every nook and cranny reminded me of him and during the weekend, I basically locked myself in my office just so I didn’t have to face the pain all the memories brought.
I wanted to linger for a little while but Theo was impatiently waiting to drive me home and during the drive, he couldn’t keep still. “What’s going on with you?”
He flashed me an apologetic smile. “I have a spur of the moment hot date waiting for me.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry my love life is more alive than yours.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that comment. “Just drop me off quickly. I’m sorry you had to drive me. Had you told me, I could’ve called Amber and asked her to pick me up.”
Theo shrugged. “It’s okay. It was an out of the blue date, to be honest, at least I know you went home safe.”
He finally stopped in front of my house and I opened the door on my side to hop off when Theo called my name. “Hey, Audrey?”
I turned to look at the guy that’s known me for years. “Yea?”
“When love arrives at your doorstep, you don’t shut the door on its face.”
I swallowed, aware that he meant the issue that I had with Julian. Theo and Amber, as much as they respected my decision when I told them that I called Julian to tell him that whatever we had was over, didn’t fully agree with it. But they weren’t the ones that got their heart broken. “If it’s love, then why does it hurt?”
“If it doesn’t hurt, is it love?” Theo countered and added, “Sometimes, it’ll be like that, Audrey. It’s not smooth-sailing, but it’s one hell of a worthwhile ride.”
Right after that, I hopped off his car and waved him goodbye, his words echoing in my mind over and over. When I came into the house, Amber wasn’t around which was surprising because earlier today she didn’t seem inclined to leave the house to make sure I was alright.
The moment I realized that I was alone, that was when it hit me. I was alone in a house filled with memories of Julian and I. I slowly moved inside and stopped before I came in the kitchen and the image of Julian standing by the stove, only in an apron, whistling to a tune of a song he kept telling me I’ll hear soon, the memory of him sitting across from me on the kitchen counter watching me as I ate.
I desperately wanted to hate him, the way that I did before I opened my heart to him. He insulted me in that video- and it didn’t matter whether or not he did so intentionally-, that alone was enough to make me hate him. But why did I feel like it was impossible to do so? Why- despite how his words cut deep- did the pain of ending what we had cut my heart deeper?
I closed my eyes as my heart began to ache and the tears began to prickle my eyes. I’d held it in for a while hoping that the pain would go away if I didn’t acknowledge it. But that attempt was in vain because no matter how hard I tried to disregard it, I couldn’t deny that Julian left a hole in my heart that I didn’t think possible.
What was this feeling I felt that made it hurt so bad?
As I moved further into the kitchen, I noticed that there was a note waiting for me in the kitchen counter as well as a bottle of Möet & Chandon champagne. I poured myself a glass and picked up Amber’s note and moved to the living room, away from the area of the house that held most of the memories.
Audrey,
I didn’t leave because you suggested that I do earlier this morning but because someone asked me for a favor. I tried to stand my ground when he came by earlier but a part of me didn’t want you to lose your chance on what might be the greatest love story of your life- and what might also be the last- which is why I did as he asked.
Your laptop is waiting for you in your office and there’s a drive sitting on it. He made a video for you, not an explanation on what he said in that video. But something that you need to know. I didn’t watch it. He told me what was in it.
Please give it a chance, Audrey. Give him a chance. I told you before that he’s not that bad of a guy you painted him out to be and you saw what kind of guy he was first hand. He broke my heart- as you keep on pointing out- but it never meant that he will break yours too, no matter how you claim otherwise.
Maybe all this time it was you and him. Maybe I was meant to be the person that brought you two together, not the one he was meant to be with.
And we will never know the answer to those maybes if you don’t give this a chance.
Do it for me.
Amber
26
Audrey
I stared at the black screen on my laptop. I haven’t turned it on. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see whatever video that Julian had made about me. To be frank, my heart still hurt at the fact that this was just a heartbreak in the making, that it was something I’d always known would happen if I ever risked my heart for Julian Hudson.
But there was also this part of me that kept telling me, that if I didn’t give this a chance now, just a sliver of a chance, then this could turn out to be my greatest regret. I already turned my back on my music when I thought that I was getting nowhere. And now I wanted to do the same thing with what I had with Julian because I felt like it was a heartbreak in the making.
I pressed the power button on the laptop and watched as the screen lit up. I inserted the drive on the port and waited for the laptop to read it and automatically open it. The drive only had one single folder in it and I clicked on it, revealing a video that was titled: Dear Audrey Finch, I hate you.
It wasn’t the title I was expecting but I play it nonetheless.
Julian showed on the screen, wearing a thin white shirt and his hair all mussed up. He had bags under his eyes and he didn’t look too well if you looked close enough. His eyes almost looked bloodshot, as if he hasn’t slept in a while. He stared at the camera for a while and in the luminescent light, both his eyes almost looked gray, and then he looked away, staring at something at the side.
“Dear Audrey Finch,” he began to say and then turned to look at the camera again, “I hate you.”
I felt my heart sink to my stomach the moment I heard the three words spoken out loud and with such firmness. Maybe Julian tricked Amber and this was the last bit of revenge he planned for me to suffer. I wanted to call Amber but Julian’s gaze trapped me and forced me to focus on him on the screen.
“I met you five years ago, maybe six, the university I went to but dropped out of to pursue the career I have now,” Julian continued and his eyes looked a little blank as he spoke, “and I met you through Amber Shaw, a girl I dated and planned to dump a couple months later because I was never serious about that area of my life.”