I’d been able to detach myself from this place—their deaths—simply because they weren’t in front of me. Long ago, I’d grieved, allowing myself to miss Dox and Harley, but seeing the ground they were buried beneath was so somber.
Madden
We were here.
Their final place.
Dad and Mom had a joint tombstone. A skull with roses was carved intricately into the top of it, dug into the cement like a knife to skin.
It was jagged, much like the scars that painted my arm—art for the world to witness.
“Wow,” Cars finally said.
“This is sad,” Stony let out, and I felt that. The sad. It weighed me down, sinking beneath my skin. This was their final place. Their new home.
A place so far away, I could pretend it didn’t exist.
It’d been years since we’d come last. Part of my healing, to not cut as much, was avoiding this place. My therapist didn’t approve. Claiming avoidance brought an abundance of pain when presented with the reality of our life.
She wasn’t wrong.
Here, now, it felt like the first time again.
This time, though, I was prepared.
This time, I had my family.
Lowering to my knees, I knelt in front of their tombstone.
A legend never dies, he lives on through all of you.
It hurt seeing that quote, knowing it was one under both of them. Mom—as within her life—was overshadowed by Dad’s fame.
She’d love it, though, seeing how pretty and kempt the area was. They mowed the grass, put out new flowers, and kept the grave clean.
“This is your momma and daddy?” Nadia asked, coming to my side. She held me, hugging me while I lost myself staring at the slab of cement.
“Yes, baby,” Andy answered for me, knowing my voice was stolen to the moment. Unsung.
Nadia held me, kissing my cheek. “Hi, I’m Nadia,” she started, patting the rock. “Everyone calls me Naddy, though, or Nad.”
A chorus of soft chuckles left everyone around us while I held her to me.
One after one, my kids introduced themselves to my parents, and when little Asper placed his head against the tombstone, the tears fell.
My stomach cramped seeing him like that, knowing he held such a capacity of emotions, understanding things a child shouldn’t understand this young.
Like me, he felt immensely. It showed in the way he communicated with me and his sisters. He loved deeply, hurt powerfully, and got angry to a scary depth.
“One day, I’ll sing your song,” Asper said aloud, his head still resting against the cement. “Maybe Dad will teach me how to play the guitar, let me live your legacy too.”
The way his words choked me up had my kids dogpiling me to offer their love. My heart both soared and sank. It was like flying, but everything was so heavy, you were constantly weighed down.
But right here, with my wife, my kids, and the rest of my family, it felt okay.
Everything felt like it’d be okay.
After crying for a while, Stony brought out his acoustic guitar, and we all sang Dad’s songs, holding each other, reminiscing, and when the sun started to go down, we headed home.
Chapter Sixty-Four
I am Not a Woman, I’m a God – Halsey
Five years later
Madden
We were on tour again, but this time, it wasn’t for me. Little demon sang her heart out on stage, her body swaying as she captured the vibe with her own lyrics.
Unlike me and Anthem Riot, Andy had more of a pop vibe. Her vocals were crisp, haunting at times, and brought random groups of people together.
The way she put her words poetically together was something to mesmerize over.
You said you’d be there
You forgot me
I loved the sounds of you
When no one was looking
You were my masterpiece
My muse
My song
You sang me slow tunes
And sad, sad songs
You were my forever
My always in the dark
We shared kisses
In the shadows
Made love
In the dark
My muse, you broke me
My song, you saved me
I loved the sounds of you
When no one was watching
When she finished, my body warmed and buzzed with the synapses I felt when we were on stage together. The way everyone belted out her lyrics, the tune so familiar, was beautiful to witness.
Our kids watched her, sang with her, and Addie sat on my shoulders as we cheered her mom on. We were in the safety zone at the side of the theater. We jumped up and down when the music hit different notes and we swayed when the tones turned somber.
Asper was on stage, playing the guitar for Andy, his eyes covered in black eyeshadow, expressing his emotions more than I could have ever imagined. Royal was on stage too, watching from the side. From the angle I was at, I could see him bobbing his head to her music while sitting, on his phone.
Addie and Nadia took turns sitting on my shoulders and dancing. They were in their element here, enjoying the show while also being immersed in the music Andy made.
“Thank you for coming to the show tonight!” Andy hollered, her voice raspy from overuse. She went to the side where Royal was and he handed her water. She kissed his forehead before coming back out.
“You have been an amazing crowd! Until next time, Sydney!”
The crowd went insane, jumping up and down, screaming, and when the curtains closed, the girls and I went to the back and saw my little demon with her sweat-lined red hair, curlier than ever, she never looked more beautiful.
“You killed it,” I congratulated her, setting down Nad.
Her eyes told me she wanted me but then she looked at the kids and settled for a kiss. Bringing our mouths together, I tasted the aftereffects of the music leaving her mouth, her love for it, and the saltiness of sweat. I wanted to consume the way it tasted on my tongue, absorb it like a fucking drug, and keep it forever.
We couldn’t help ourselves, getting carried away with our kiss. Our lips mashed, our tongues flicking, full of lust.
My dick swelled and I pulled away as our kids mock gagged at us.
“Tonight,” I rasped, kissing her forehead.
***
As soon as we sent the kids with Cars, we went back to our hotel. Knowing it was the last night in Sydney before we went to Auckland, I knew we had to make this night count.
Cars took the kids to a late screening of Scream. At first, we were super opposed to it, but he basically called me a big baby and I felt obligated to let them go. Not that I wanted them here anyway.
“Shower!” I hollered at my wife, letting her know she needed to get prepped for what I had planned.
Unfortunately for us both, we didn’t come prepped with toys for her or any other fun shit. She only got my dick and mouth, and that’d have to do.
The shower turned on and I made the bed, making sure it was nice and clean to messy it up when we were done.
I was nearing thirty-nine, my age seemed to move slower as I got older, not faster. Being someone who now understood the meaning behind life and the moments during it, I appreciated the time I was given and didn’t waste it on anything.
Andy turned off the shower while I laid in bed, spread out for her. I might not have remembered to bring her ties, her toys, and the other fun items, but I made sure to pack her strap-on.
I left my legs open, one knee upward to give her a nice view of my ass that I prepped for her. She’d be excited. My wife loved pounding into me, making me groan out with the pleasure she sought fit.