“Not more than the bottle and money.”
She closed her eyes tightly, her eyes opening with understanding. “Yeah, but he still loves you.”
“Not enough.”
We left it at that.
Chapter Ten
Heat Waves – Glass Animals
Madden
“This is where you’re going?” Cars asked me as we walked onto Brookewood’s campus. He had a school break and decided to spend this week with me, visiting campuses. We went to Stanford yesterday, and my schedule called for Brookewood today. I’d have to visit Dupont in a few weeks, since they have everything booked.
Brookewood wasn’t anything different than any other Ivy League university. It had an aura about it. Privilege. Jocks. Frat boys. The entire place made my head hurt to think about.
Unlike Dupont, Brookewood didn’t have a great art program or musical one. Their main focus was business and architecture.
They did have the most modernized appeal, though. They had an entire two blocks for Greek row, but most importantly, they had on-site and off-site dorms.
Dad wanted me secluded. Mom wanted me free from Dad’s barriers.
They argued often on how I should live.
Dad wanted me with Andy for my first semester, whereas Mom wanted me to get my own place near Brookewood or Dupont, have Royce take me to and from everywhere.
They were both wrong.
I wanted a life on campus.
Walking toward the main building now, it made me realize how much a campus life appealed to me. For the longest time, I felt so sheltered, even while doing stupid shit. I’d always been held back by my parents.
This would be my freedom.
“Are you ignoring me?” Cars questioned, holding my arm to stop me. They dressed more casual today. Not femme or masc presenting, but freer.
I loved it.
“No, I’m sorry. My head’s everywhere,” I offered, running a hand through my long hair. I needed to trim it, but the thought made me uncomfortable. My mom always cut my hair and when she was gone, I didn’t like for it to be touched. Thinking about their question, I wondered if I could truly see myself here. “I think this place is too boring.”
They chuckled, smiling with joy. “No loud parties or hotties nearby and your mind is set?”
“Cars, it’s boring and colorless. If you wanted to go somewhere for your soul to die and become a box-type person, this is the place.”
“So, you’re saying it’s white.”
I laughed hard, my stomach hurting as I clutched it. “Basically,” I joked.
“Yeah, I figured that’s what you were trying to say,” they teased with a smirk. They hugged me as we walked toward the biggest library I’d ever seen.
“This place is astonishing,” I murmured, seeing the textured building outstand the others. It had an older vibe to it, something that said whoever invested in this library loved books and wanted them to have the best home.
We made our way up the steps and into the building. As soon as we passed the double doors at the entrance, our eyes caught onto the cherrywood décor with embellished gold accents. It reminded me of when you went to massive churches, where everything seemed covered in gold to make it appear more grandiose.
“This is insane,” Cars proclaimed before leaving me to go explore. I couldn’t follow them, my eyes were captured by the statue in the center of the common area. It was in a fountain, surrounded by men grabbing the female standing in the center.
The face of her mirrored triumph and fearlessness. Her expression reminded me of women who won their cases against men who took their power away.
Here stood a woman who conquered as men continued to try and drag her down. As I scanned every minute detail, I felt confident that my art would depict this kind of strength and rebellion.
“Hey, you okay?”
I turned, seeing Cars standing by my side. I nodded and they touched my face in a worried way. “I called your name like ten times.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you really zoned out there,” they mentioned, face scanning me as if it’d give them the answers they sought.
I didn’t know what to say, this piece called to me and as I dissected the meaning behind it, or rather what meaning it offered me, I’d lost time.
“I’m just amazed by this piece,” I mentioned, looking over the grace of the statue. It depicted strength without so much as a description etched on it.
“It’s definitely powerful,” they confirmed. “We should probably go explore more or meet with your campus escort.”
“Shit, you’re right. I forgot about that.”
“You want to get a degree in arts?” Mr. Johnson asked. He lacked enthusiasm, a man who did his job so often he lost his passion for helping others.
“I do,” I admitted. Music was another desire, but Mom still hadn’t warmed up to that idea.
He shook his head. “While Brookewood would love to have you, our campus doesn’t focus on the arts.”
“I know.”
He looked over my transcripts and then back up to me. “Regardless, I’ll have Julian show you around.”
Before leaving, he shook both mine and Carson’s hands, then asked us to wait for our guide. I wasn’t sure how much he’d be able to offer since we’d kind of glanced around before my appointment.
I already knew I wouldn’t be coming here. There was something inherently missing from this place and I didn’t feel like it was the right fit for me.
“That was a loss,” Carson mentioned, holding my hand while we sat next to each other. They rubbed circles over the scars across my knuckles, reminding me of the time I’d been so depressed I’d put my razor blade through my skin to the bone.
“You must be Madden?” a tall guy asked. He had a smile that made me feel welcomed. His hair was long, black, and woven into braids. His eyes were brown, soft, kind, and warm. I nodded at him, rising with Cars.
“I’m Julian, Jules for short,” he offered, pushing his hand toward me. After shaking it, he turned to Cars. “And you?”
“Carson,” they mentioned. “My friends call me Cars.”
Jules grinned in kind. “I’m thinking we’ll go toward the arts building,” he explained. We followed after him as he described the cafeteria area, the commons building where you could find the university’s bookstore and anything financial aid related.
“There’s an arts building?” I asked, curious. I knew it wasn’t their best program, but I figured it’d be attached and shared with something else.
“Yeah, we compile them all. Drawing, sculpting, 3D, dance, music...”
“Ah.” So, it needed a full building since there weren’t ones for each major art. Now, it made more sense.
We walked, looking at many of the buildings Cars and I already explored. Jules pointed out the history building, the student center, business center for architecture, business management, and the building that housed all the computer science courses.
This place continuously showed its lack of diversity for classes as Jules showed each place. When we got to the arts building, my chest tightened.
At the farthest part of the south side of campus, was a building. It felt more like a box. It wasn’t pretty and designed for the eye like the rest of the campus was. You could tell they took the least amount of time refurbishing it.