Inked in Chaos, a smaller shop owned by a man named Grizz King. My old boss called ahead, getting me an interview for next week. I didn’t expect him to speak highly of me after such little time with him.
Getting water from the tap, I drank, wondering when I’d see Andy next. She didn’t say I could get a job, not that she was my parent. She’d still probably want to know where I’d be later at night.
Setting my glass down, my phone vibrated in my shorts.
Think I could fly out soon? Carson’s text came in. I still leaned against the counter, alone in Andy’s apartment, wanting to escape, but not having anything to do. Technically, I had nothing to do but fuck around. Why not?
As far as the world was concerned, I graduated. I was eighteen, willing and able to do whatever the fuck I wanted. Without so much as a second thought, I texted Cars back.
I’ll call it in. Tomorrow?
It was thursday, he could escape for two days and his parents would barely notice his absence. Especially with the long weekend off from school.
You want me to come so soon?
I need you, man, I told him honestly. Because I did. Not having Cars nearby was already driving me insane and it had only been a few weeks.
We rarely went more than a day apart.
Even our texting had been short.
I miss you.
I miss you too, Cars. So fucking much.
Tony is out of the hospital and recovering fine, thought you should know.
Instead of texting, I called. “That fuck is lucky to be breathing.”
Cars sighed, and I bet he looked exasperated. He cared for humans too much. No matter how terrible they were to him, or in general, he had this need to be kind and offer the world more than it deserved.
He and I were not the same.
“He’s telling everyone he got into a bar fight for kissing some chick and the chick’s boyfriend and friends jumped him.”
“Of course he is,” I mocked grumpily. “He can’t even own up to the fact that he’s a rapist. How’s Tam doing?”
“Not well,” he admitted, his voice dropping a bit. “I’m trying to convince her to go to therapy for everything. She started cutting.”
My stomach stopped at that, bile settling in my chest. I knew what it was like to take a blade to my skin for emotions out of my control. Knowing she felt as helpless, gutted me in a new way. “Hate that so fucking much.” I felt my emotions boil a bit, outpouring through my eyes.
There was always a stigma to crying, but my mom and Cars always reassured me that being a man and having emotions was not only normal, but healthy. Since then, I cried regularly and whenever the feeling arose.
Especially when it came to men abusing women.
Something about that made me want to kill them.
I wasn’t capable of kindness to predators, let alone ones who took advantage of those under the influence or weaker than them.
Tony was lucky, so goddamn lucky.
“You okay?” Carson’s voice broke me and a whimper escaped. My mind traveled to Tam, on the ground, unable to fight back. My eyes leaked more, all while Cars soothed me with his kind words.
“You’re so much stronger than me, Mads, so much stronger than you think.”
“When I think back to that day—” I paused, feeling my throat tighten. “I think of how vulnerable she was, how she couldn’t have fought even if she wanted to.”
“I know,” he reassured. It made me realize that Cars was in the same situation as Tam, he just didn’t talk about it.
“If I could get away with murder, they’d be gone,” I admitted, my voice lacking humanity. There was something depraved that lingered beneath my skin whenever I thought of Tony and anyone like him.
“Don’t say that,” he rushed to correct me. “You’re going to slay the fucking world, Madden. You’re going to be an amazing tattoo artist who works only with top-tier people. You’re going to succeed in everything you’ve ever wanted.”
The tears came in heavily now, making me feel absolutely wrecked. “I don’t think I can.”
Almost as if I could see him shaking his head, he responded, “Madden, you’re the most tenacious person I’ve ever met. If you put that ability to the things you love, instead of your avoidance of emotions pertaining to your parents, you could go every place there is to go.”
My heart clenched at that. He was right. No matter how much I hyperfixated on anything, until I put my anger and unwillingness to give up on something I loved, I’d hold myself back.
“Will you be flying to be with me or do I have to be an anxious wreck and be alone?” Cars asked, distracting me from the heaviness of our conversation.
“I’ll fly in to pick you up. Right after school tomorrow, don’t be late, loser.”
“I wouldn’t miss spending time with you for the world, Mads.”
“I love you, Cars.”
“Love you too, see you tomorrow.”
He hung up after letting the words out, knowing I wasn’t good at them when it came to goodbyes, no matter how temporary they would be.
As promised, I flew with the jet back to Kempville, just to make sure Cars wasn’t flying alone. When Cars dressed most comfortably, people made him nervous. Being gender-fluid, he was fluid in how he dressed. If he dressed more feminine in the day, he preferred she/her pronouns. When dressing masculine or when neutral, he went by he/him. When introducing him to others, he didn’t care how he was referred. They/them pronouns were a safe place for many, even I liked them as pronouns. Cars accepted all pronouns, even if he had a preference.
After landing at noon, I walked around the airport, getting food and window-shopping. Apart from needing to refuel, the pilots were required to do other checks. So, in the meantime, I had two hours to blow. Well, thirty minutes at this point.
My phone vibrated. In a Lyft. Be there in twenty.
Safe drive, text me when you’re here and I’ll come for you.
Fifteen minutes passed and my phone rang. “Hey,” I answered, feeling my heart catapult. Sometimes, when people were driving to places without Royce as their escort, my nerves got to me. People didn’t generally believe in fate and soul mates, but that was what Cars was to me.
He was my soul mate, platonically.
His heart and mine were forever tethered, and it was something I absolutely loved and appreciated every single day.
“I’m here and I’m nervous as fuck.”
Cars didn’t curse often and when he did it made me laugh. “Be there in a minute,” I responded, chuckling lightly.
We hung up and I rushed to the pickup area, making sure he wasn’t standing by himself for too long. As soon as I saw her, I stopped.
Cars, my best friend.
She dressed in skinny jeans, combat boots, and a hot pink crop top with black skull hands over her chest. I smiled, seeing how fluid she could be at any second.
“Hey,” I said with a wave. Her glossy lips turned upward in a smile, tilting in the way that let me know she was happy. Going to her, I pulled her into a hug, lifting and spinning her with so much love I was sure everyone staring felt it. “Missed you.”
She laughed, holding me even tighter. “Missed you too.”
Putting her down, I noticed the driver staring at us. “Here,” I offered a twenty to tip him. I heard they get ripped off on app tips. “I’ll get her bags.”