Songs of serendipity and tranquil dreams, I strummed the guitar, thinking of how my fingers danced over her body when no one watched.
We kissed behind closed doors
The sound of your moans my forever hymn
Chaos is written. Incomplete. Unbidden with need
And tangled in words
You shred me open, your words my demise
I’ve searched for you forever
My endless sky
Never afters aren’t all that’s promised
Forever afters are what lives true
When I look at you, I see them
The constellations of our future
The forevers in the footnotes of each song
For you I stayed sober
For you I became strong
Love me
Love my brokenness
Kiss me again
Touch me with emotions
Chaos is written
Incomplete
Unbidden with need and tangled in words
I finished with the last lyric, the last note, and I felt my body relax. In a way, it felt like I’d collapse if I kept standing.
Before singing, I didn’t see her. My little demon.
Now, as I searched the crowd, the only one standing still, her hands above her heart, the tears in her eyes, I watched her with all the love in the fucking world.
My chaos, my unbidden, my little demon, Andy.
I set down my guitar, jumping down into the safety zone, the six feet between the stage and the crowd where the fans couldn’t get in. She was safe there, I was safe going to her, but somehow, I couldn’t stop my pursuit. She shook her head at me, a warning to stay away. She looked like hope and fuck if I didn’t need a slice of that right now.
The drugs in my system clogged all my intelligent thoughts, stealing away my brain as she stared at me in awe. Crossing over to her, to the fence she was pressed against as fans pinned her against it, wanting to get closer, I stopped.
She waited for my move, her face full of doubt. For weeks, I pushed her away, hiding, needing to separate myself from the feelings she wrung out of me.
I didn’t pause when I reached her, but instead, I gripped her jaw and brought her lips to mine. In this kiss, I said all the unspoken words. In this kiss, I erased all the bad. In this kiss, I claimed her for the entire goddamn world to see and I didn’t give a single fuck what people thought of that.
She was mine.
It was about time she and the rest of the population knew that I wasn’t going anywhere.
For once, this didn’t feel rushed. I didn’t push for consumption, to devour her entirely. This time, I enjoyed it, capturing her mouth like a promise, letting her know we’d never end. She didn’t touch me at first, but when I pushed against the guard rail, she pressed her chest to mine, her arms entangling around my neck.
She whimpered against my mouth and I pulled on her. My fans weren’t dicks as they helped her over the fence. I would be jealous of their touches, but I knew this would be the last time anyone touched what was mine.
Twirling her around, I held her tighter to my body, experiencing this hug in the most visceral way possible. When our mouths parted, hers was swollen. The red of her lipstick was smeared, and the awe in her expression made this show of affection worth all the gawking eyes.
Suddenly, everyone cheered us on and she laughed, drowned out by the sound of the whoops. “I love you, Andy Black.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “I love you, Toland Reaver.”
I kissed her once more, listening to the frantic cheers, and I held her to me, unwilling to let her go.
“You sang the song from your sixteenth summer with me,” she affirmed, leaning against my throat.
“It’s our song, Andy. Never Afters.”
She sounded choked up, a little cry escaping. In the distance, on the overhead speaker, Al called onto the crowd, “We’re going to take a quick break and we’ll be back once our lead singer stops frolicking.”
It was a tease, no harshness to the words he said. If anything, he sounded absolutely happy about it. I smiled, lifting Andy and taking her backstage.
I needed this moment with her. To touch her, kiss her, allow her to have all of me without the barriers I’d set all those months ago.
This time I was Madden.
Her Madden.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Repay – The Plot in You
Andy
“Is this even real?”
I asked Madden as soon as we made it backstage. I couldn’t believe he finished our song, singing it in front of everyone, then kissing me publicly.
He told me he loved me.
He told me.
My heart hammered still, the adrenaline of the entire crowd, along with the kiss he gave me. It was so intense my skin prickled with awareness.
No longer would I be the side show, the hidden piece of Madden, now it was public. He was mine and I’d forever been his.
“Yes, little demon. It’s real,” he rasped. His voice was strained from singing, along with probably drugs. Cars warned me he’d taken some Molly.
“Is this you, though?” I asked again, wanting reassurance. Sure, he always wanted me, but this was deeper. More intimate somehow.
He set me down, his eyes shining with both a high and understanding. He cupped my jaw, the most tender way I’d ever felt from him.
“This is me, Andy. I want you, forever.”
I gasped back the sob threatening to overtake me. The words I wanted to hear were the only things he offered. It felt like a dream, a place where happiness existed and sadness fucked off.
“But what about—” he stopped my question with his finger, his eyes narrowing on me.
“It’s you and me, little demon. Somehow, I think it always was.” He leaned in, removing his finger before capturing my lips. “You taste like mine, Andy. You taste like a song I don’t know how to sing. You taste like the missing words in my lyrics.”
“Madden,” I moaned around his lips. “Touch me.”
Realistically, I knew he didn’t have time to touch me the way he wanted, to kiss me the way he needed to. But he didn’t stop himself from pushing us both back toward a wall. He pressed into me, not leaving any breathing room. Our mouths clashed as they chased their own high.
I loved him so much, the taste, the feeling, the way he made me feel like I was the only person in his own world.
When we pulled free, he leaned his forehead against mine. “After the show, you’re mine. Permanently.”
“Permanently?” I raised an eyebrow wanting to smooth the concern on his face.
“You’ll see, little demon,” he answered, kissing me once more before leaving. I felt my chest rise and fall rapidly, wondering what he meant about permanence.
***
After the show, my heart hammered for reasons other than the bass reverberating against my ribs. It was the type of emotion that clogged me for the thrill. I wanted Madden and it took the entire show for me to calm down.
But as he walked toward me, stalking me as a predator with its prey, the calm left, and a newfound excitement rose.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said, not even waving at the guys. Practically dragging me out of the building, he nodded at Royce, a hidden message to the man who never let us down.
“Where to, boss?” he said with such humility that I wanted to hug Royce and let him know he was the father we both wished we had.