She narrowed her eyes, grabbing my arm and hauling me up. “This won’t do, Mads.” Pulling me behind the stage, she found Royce. His expression was guarded but he looked me over in concern. As if knowing what Cars needed, he handed her a bucket and then smiled.
“Good luck with that,” he said to Carson.
She grabbed it and pulled me outside, behind the theater. Without so much as a warning, she dumped the bucket’s contents over my head. It was fucking freezing.
“What the fuck!” It was rhetorical and her amusement was visible, but she didn’t bother to explain. “F-freezing,” I chattered, feeling my entire body shake.
“Good, it’ll cool you down and put you into a shock.”
“Shock isn’t g-g-ood,” I stuttered, feeling my teeth bounce. Somehow that feeling of my teeth chattering was nice.
“Drink this, dumbass,” she chastised, handing me a cold bottle of water. It didn’t take long for me to down it. I was thirsty and it helped with my dry throat.
After finishing, my brain felt a bit clearer but still high. I wanted to touch things, rub my body on things, but at the same time, the part of me that hated touching came on full force too.
“That’s it,” Cars praised. “We can go wash up in the changing area and then I’ll do your face.” She seemed content with my stare, even though she wasn’t happy either.
I followed her back inside, dragging my feet at the prospect of being slightly sober. Escape was what I needed. Andy was what I wanted.
She couldn’t be mine and I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her betrayal.
After cleaning my face, I saw and waited for her instructions. She eyed me, but it was different than back in the day. She seemed so absolute in her identity and it warmed me inside.
“I’m proud of you,” I let out, emotions choking me a bit. She smiled, the only way she could. No one had that expression where praise wasn’t normal and when received, it was everything.
Her gaze met mine, emotions clogging her eyes. “You’re not allowed to say things like that.” Her voice gave me chills. The broken part of Cars that I always admired was here, sitting at the surface, waiting to be shown she deserved the world.
“I am. You’re you. You wear what you want, flaunting every part of yourself, making others see that gender norms are stupid.”
She smiled at me, it was watery and full of grief. “I love you, Mads.”
“I love you too, Cars. I’m glad you came back.”
She shook her head, letting the tears fall as she breathed through the emotions. “I never left.”
We kept silent for a bit while she composed herself. Patting her eyes dry, she started with my face. She knew I wasn’t one for foundation, so instead, she put on moisturizer and a primer after. She went to work on my eyes and I knew she’d be giving me something epic. I didn’t mind wearing makeup. Usually, before a show, I’d put on eyeliner and occasionally fake blood, depending on the set.
We did gory looks, zombies, vampires, ghouls, you name it. We had a blast every Devil’s Night, spotlighting our ability to appreciate the holiday while also sticking to our roots.
An hour later, she put finishing touches on me and my body felt so squishy like it wanted to melt into putty and be touched everywhere.
“You look amazing,” Cars said, her eyes wide and filled with astonishment. “I outdid myself.”
She turned my chair, putting me in front of the vanity mirror. Awe. That was the only emotion I could decipher. I thought she’d go more glam for this look, but she went full metal goth on me.
My eyes were blacked out, but it was the intricate green design, looking like goop oozed from them, and I couldn’t be more amazed. It looks more SFX than regular makeup and I loved it.
“Think I can convince the others to get a similar stylization?”
I laughed, nodding. “Memphis might be a little iffy, but Carrig and Stony live for this shit.” At the mention of them, Cars blanked, her face computing.
“You going to tell me what’s up with you and them?” She bit her glittered lip, the whites of her teeth a stark contrast to the dark glitter.
“Don’t know what to say,” she muttered, appearing nervous.
“I won’t judge you, Cars. You’re my best friend.” Almost as if that’s enough, she closed her eyes. “I saw you, after everything with Andy.” Cars was at one of the clubs we visited, sandwiched between my two bandmates, grinding and groping. It was pure, the way she let them control the movements but in reality, she controlled the situation and it was apparent when she moved and they followed.
After the club, we were all at the hotel and I needed weed. Knowing Stony and Carrig had the good stuff, I stopped at their shared room. Was definitely shocked at what I found inside. It was my fault for not knocking.
Her eyes shot open at that, realizing I meant I saw that they were all together. “That wasn’t—”
I waved my hand. “No judgment.” I didn’t know what I saw other than the three of them in bed. It wasn’t my place.
“We don’t have a label and I’m pretty sure I’m just a toy for them.”
Glaring at her description, I started to stand. “A toy? Fuck that,” I grumbled. “You’re a fucking goddess, Cars. They aren’t going to use you like that.”
“I want them to,” she argued. “I like when they use me.”
Closing my eyes, I tried grappling with my anger. “I’m sorry, I just hate when dudes are dicks.”
She laughed, lightness touching her expression. “It’s not like they’re opposed to a label, Mads. It’s that they want me to choose and I’m not capable of that.”
“Oh,” I balked, thinking of why those two had been at odds with each other for the better half of a year. “They don’t want to share?”
She bit her lip again, pain lacing her tone. “They don’t have a choice. They share me or they don’t get me at all.”
I brought her to my chest, initiating a hug, something I hadn’t even done with Andy yet. I wanted her to know I supported her, whatever she needed.
Realizing this also made me grasp that I needed to do the same with Andy. “I should forgive her, huh?”
She stared at me, her eyes understanding. “Yeah, I think you should. She sacrificed everything to be with you, Mads. She went across the world to be with you. When are you going to forgive her for being scared?”
Cars was right. She allowed me inside her body, home, and heart, and all I’ve done is take. She deserves so much more than what I’ve offered.
“Do you think she’ll freak out if I invite her tonight?”
Cars shook her head, a smile forming. It was mischievous, one where she hid shit from me. “Already done.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Dear Old Friend – The Plot in You
Andy
My life had been full of ups and downs for weeks since the news broke and Madden left once again.
Madden avoided me—granted, he should. I lied. Promising a person meant more than breaking words. A promise was an act of trust, something that tied you to the person you vowed to.
For me, it was pulling the carpet beneath the already shambles of ground Madden had, then watching as he fell through.