I whipped around to find Elliot on the other side of the partition, mouthing something I couldn’t quite hear. He was gesturing at me and the other suit. He must have left something behind.
With an annoyed huff, I signaled to him to hold his horses. The external comms were off, so he couldn’t hear me. It would take a moment to unscrew my gloves so I could unlock the door with my bio-signature. Finally I managed it, and as the door whooshed open, I addressed him, not without significant annoyance in my voice.
“What did you forget?”
“Forget?”
“Yeah, in here. You must have forgotten something.”
I turned around and tromped back over to the second suit. Might as well secure it more easily now that my hands were free.
“Leo.”
“Come on in. Not like I was almost dressed and ready to go.”
“Leo.”
The force in Elliot’s voice, the bemused consternation, made me turn. What did he want?
“I came back for you,” he said.
And it was like all the air had been sucked out of the room.
Fourteen
“Sorry, what?” I blinked at Elliot, a bit dazed. I would have pinched myself, if I had had any available skin I could reach.
“I came back?” he repeated. “I felt bad leaving you like that. Came to my senses once we reached the lift.”
“It’s not a big deal.” I played it off casually, like my heart wasn’t thumping so hard in my chest that I could hear it in my ears. “Didn’t even bother me. As you see, I was going to go out on my own.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“No, the maintenance crew does it all the time. Solo missions, and all that.”
“Yeah, but that’s during the day, when there are people around. I really don’t mind,” Elliot insisted. He made a move to grab the second spacesuit, but I yanked it back.
“Elliot, I don’t need your pity. Go have fun.”
“I’m trying to. Out there.” He gestured beyond the airlock window. “I want to go. Leo, it’s not a big deal. Stop being a martyr.”
And just like that, any pretense of romantic intention evaporated. This was Elliot ribbing me like an old friend. He knew me too well.
“Fine.” I gave in, handing over the suit. “You can help me with my air canister.”
Soon we were both suited up, the crackle of the active comms in my ear as we floated out the open airlock and into the glittering black. The sight of unfiltered space took my breath away; I reached out my hand, as if I could collect stardust in my palm. It had been too long since I’d done this, years since Klara had called for a space-walk party and deigned to invite me. Well, she hadn’t invited me to this one either, technically. It made my dance with the stars all the sweeter.
“How long did you program it for?” Elliot asked, launching right into a somersault.
“Ten minutes,” I said, doing not much more than a twirl. I never liked going head over heels. One turn felt like the beginning of something uncontrollable, like if I weren’t careful, I would spin endlessly and be lost to the stars.
“Too bad. I could stay out here forever.”
“You always had that wanderlust,” I remarked. I paddled with my arms, swimming out as far as my tether would take me. The gentle tug of pressure as I reached my outer limits was reassuring. I wouldn’t float away. “Did you really jump in a freezing lake naked? You would never have done that here,” I mused without thinking.
“Were you listening in on my conversation with Klara?”
On instinct, I turned, seeking Elliot out, even though he remained loud and clear in my helmet. He’d ceased all gymnastics and had his arms crossed over his chest, a good fifty feet away from me. Were it not for the pale gray of his suit, he’d have been swallowed up by the vastness all around. We were tiny, compared to the endless expanse.
“It wasn’t on purpose,” I said. I deployed some compressed air, pushing me closer to him. I was too far out, tether or no.
“Uh-huh.” He did another somersault. “And there are a lot of things I’ve done since you last saw me that I would never have done before. Jumping into a freezing body of water without any clothes on is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Was that supposed to be a pun?”
“A bad one.”
“Okay, so you jumped in a lake. What happened next?” I floated close enough to see Elliot’s face behind the thick glass of his helmet. His breath had partially fogged up his lenses.
“I proved myself cool enough for the Russians. Evgenia swooped in, took me under her wing. I became one of them. Honestly I’m amazed the Scandinavian doesn’t have a weather room like the Saint Petersburg. I’ve heard the Lady Liberty has a rain room.”
“The Swedish aren’t as metal as the Russians,” I said dryly. “Maybe the Finns, though.”
Elliot laughed, the deep timbre triggering a sense memory. Tucked up warm in his bed, some wry comment I made setting him off. The rumble of his laughter tickling my cheek against his bare chest. I experienced a full-body flush, suddenly wishing I had a frigid pool of water to jump into.
“How desperately do you want to clean your glasses right now?” I asked instead, deflecting. Only it made him laugh again, which didn’t help much at all. This was getting perilously close to feeling romantic, even though I knew it wasn’t. Elliot was mending our friendship. I was chasing dreams like starlight.
“You know me too well,” he said. “I’m so close to ripping off my helmet.” Then he grabbed me by the hands, shocking my heart up into my throat. “Let’s make the most of our time. Just floating out here is boring.”
It was like dancing. Elliot pushed against my hands, sending each of us flying back, him into an easy spin, me fighting the momentum so I wouldn’t end up ass over elbow. And he laughed at me every time for my stubbornness. Then we found our way back to each other and started over.
There was a metaphor for our relationship somewhere in there. I tried not to think about it.
“Listen, Leo,” Elliot started, tone somber and serious. I’d floated away from him, testing the limits of my tether again. I turned, pumped my arms and legs to swim back closer. But he spun away, allowed himself to drift. “It’s easier to say this if, uh, we’re not looking at each other,” he said. “It’s about Carina.”
For a moment, there was just the sound of our breathing coming scratchily through the comms.
“Saying yes to her at speed dating was a mistake. A remnant of my stupid, horrible plan to make you jealous. I was in her room before yours, and then you apologized . . . You knocked me sideways, Leo. And, well, you were big enough to apologize to me then, and I’m apologizing to you now. So if you could stop bringing it up constantly, that would be great.”
“Maybe I wanted to make you suffer a bit,” I quipped. I played it light and easy, but his confession pinched and pulled at my insides. It felt so real, and I wanted it to be. No long game, just Elliot being himself with me. I wanted a chance with Elliot again. I did a pinwheel flip, let myself go around a few times. Head over heels. And then I got a grip on myself.
“I’m not the only one you need to apologize to,” I said breathlessly. “Carina’s been twisting herself into pretzels over you. And you were flirting with her as recently as last night. If you’re not interested, she deserves to know. Gently.”