She shakes her head, still not able to grasp the fact that I want her, which amazes me. Does she not own a mirror? I mean, she’s the sweetest person ever, but she’s breathtakingly beautiful too. Her face is red and her voice raises. “And what? You give me a story, I have sex with you? I give you my virginity. We call it even.”
She blushes when she realizes what she just confessed, and I reach across the table and cover her hand with my own. I want to flinch at how crass it all sounds. I wouldn’t blame her if she told me no. And even though she doesn’t move her hand, she continues to ramble on. “Tell me how you see this playing out. We go in the back bedroom, do the deed, and then I interview you?”
Her voice gets louder as she goes. I’m not doing this right. Of course, I’m going to fuck this up. “I want you. I’ll give you the story regardless. The rest can play out.”
She puts her hands up in the air and stares at the ceiling. “Now you don’t want to have sex with me. My inexperience is a turn-off.”
I stand up and move next to her. I pull her up so she’s standing. I crowd her, and I do it on purpose. Not only do I need her next to me, but I want her to feel me next to her. She shouldn’t have any doubt that I want her, and the way my body reacts just standing next to her, fuck that, just being near her should prove to her that I want her. “I want you, and fuck, I like the idea of being your first.” In my head, I say and your only. Because the fact is, I know once I have her, I won’t be able to let her go. Someway, I’ll have to convince her that I’m what she needs. I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her lower body against mine. I want her to know, to feel what she does to me. “But I’m not used to forcing someone to have sex with me...”
She leans her head against my chest, hiding her face from me. Her voice is muffled. “Right, because you can have anyone. Oh my God, and you probably have.”
I could let her think that, but I want to be as upfront with her as I can. I pull her chin up so she’s looking at me. I want her to see the sincerity on my face. “You’ll be my first too, Willa.”
Her mouth falls open, and her eyes get huge as she stares back at me.
I smirk. “Does my inexperience turn you off?”
She shakes her head side to side. “I don’t believe it.”
“It’s the truth. There’s only one woman I get hard for, and you’re it. When I was the chubby kid in high school, I couldn’t be around you because of it. For the last four years, nothing. And today I hear your voice, and I’m hard.” I leave out the part where I’ve only masturbated to images of her. There are some things I’m sure she’s not ready to hear yet.
Her wheels are spinning, and it’s obvious she’s trying to take in everything I said. Confusion etches on her face. “I don’t get it. You hated me in high school. You avoided me.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t hate you. If anything, it was the opposite. I gave up after I knew I didn’t have a chance.”
She brings her hand up to her head and flinches. “What do you mean you didn’t have a chance? I don’t understand.”
I step back. “Do you still get your headaches? Let me get you something.”
I don’t wait for her to answer. I go into the kitchen and grab some Tylenol and come back to her with it in my hand. She’s looking at me quizzically. “You remember I had headaches.”
She used to have them all the time. She would have to go to the nurse to get a Tylenol. “I remember everything about you.”
She takes the pills from me and swallows them before setting the glass down with a thud. “What do you mean you didn’t have a chance with me?”
I put my hands in the front pockets of my sweatpants. I hate even talking about that day. I was going to ask Willa out on a date our last day of senior high school. It took every ounce of courage to do it. “Robin told me you weren’t interested in me. She said you liked Levi Duncan.”
“Robin? My old friend Robin?”
I nod, and she shakes her head. “That bitch. She knew I liked you. I can’t believe...” She looks up at me. “Oh God, and you believed her? Levi Duncan was a complete ass.”
I shrug my shoulders. “He was the quarterback.”
She puts her hands on her hips and stares up at me. “I don’t care about that. I liked you. You were the one I wanted to ask me out.”
It hits me then. All the time wasted. If what she’s saying is true, I had a chance with her back then when I was the dumpy, fat kid, and I missed the opportunity. All I know is I can’t screw it up now.
I pull my hands out of my pockets and cross my arms over my chest. “So your boss gave you the week to write the story. I want you to stay here. I’ll answer any questions you have, and whatever happens happens.”
She still looks shocked. “Hold on, I’m sorry. So... you wanted to ask me out in high school but didn’t because my supposed friend told you I liked someone else... and you’re telling me that for four years, you haven’t... you know... uh…”
I laugh because if I wasn’t sure of her innocence before, it’s definitely obvious now. She can’t even say it. I walk toward her and put my hands on her shoulders. She’s looking up at me, and I can read her look plain as day. She’s not trying to guard herself like she has been most the night. She looks almost hopeful, and there’s no way I’m going to take advantage of that. “I haven’t been with anyone, Willa. I always knew I wanted you to be my first.”
“So what you’re saying is that you’ve been saving yourself... for me.”
I nod, and her hands go to my waist. Her fingers cling to my shirt. “Me too. I’ve been saving myself... for you.” Before I can let that sinks in, she gasps. “JD, what if...”
Her voice trails off, and I hold on to her tighter. “What if what?”
She blinks as she looks up at me. “What if, you know, uh, I’m not good? I mean... what if you don’t like it?”
I laugh, and it comes from deep within my chest. She doesn’t have a clue what just being near her does to me. She playfully slaps me on the chest, and I grab her hand. “There’s no chance of that.”
She frowns at me. “I’m serious, JD. What if you have it worked up in your head to be this really great thing, and I’m nothing like that? I don’t even know what I’m doing...”
I should tell her that we’ve had sex a thousand times in my dreams. It’s always her, and I always wake up right as I’m about to come. But I don’t. “We have chemistry, Willa. If you decide you want me, it’s going to be perfect.”
“Chemistry?” she asks almost skeptically.
I nod, grabbing her hands and bringing them up each side of my neck. When she holds on to me there, I pick her up and carry her into the living room. I sit down on the couch with her in my lap. She’s breathless, as if she’s just walked a mile instead of being carried. “JD?”
“It’s okay, honey. I’m not going to take you right here on the couch. I just want to prove something to you.”
She’s staring at my lips. “Prove what?”
I smile at her as I cup her cheek in my hand. “That we have chemistry.” I barely wait for the words to sink in and I’m kissing her. When our lips meet for the first time, I know instantly what I’ve felt all along. My lips are meant for Willa’s. The years of attraction, the explicit dreams I’ve had of her, it’s all nothing compared to the real thing. I angle my head and deepen the kiss. She opens her mouth to me, and when her tongue presses against mine, I groan and force myself to pull back. I just told her I wouldn’t take her here on the couch, and if I plan to keep the promise, I need to stop now.