“So you just kept busy. Is that it?”
“No. We didn’t have the advantages you have now. You can video chat, you can email. I had to wait for that call to come. I couldn’t text him and have that instant response. You’re lucky in that respect.”
“It doesn’t make missing them any easier.”
“Sweetheart, are you missing Wes?”
The question comes at me in a wave. I am. I am so much. “I don’t know why this time is different.”
“This time is different because the stakes in your relationship are so high. You haven’t had time to just be a couple. You went from being friends to feeling like you are married.” I can feel a flush run through my body. I fling the blanket off me and seek the open door next to me for air. “Hayley? Are you still there?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. Yes.”
“I didn’t say that to draw light to something. I’m simply making an observation. When two people come together, who are used to going one hundred miles per hour, things can get complicated.”
“I didn’t want this to go fast. I still don’t. But, Mom, he’s having a baby. That’s not going anywhere. I’d rather be a hot mess about it with him than miserable without him at this point. I thought I knew what love was. I had no clue. Remember Henry? I thought I’d never love again after that.”
“I remember, sweetheart. You were both so young and had a lot of living to do. Hayley, I worry sometimes that this is too much for you. You’re so tenderhearted. I don’t want to see you shattered.”
“I’m not shattered, Mom. I’m overwhelmed and I’m trying to figure things out. That’s hard to do when the other half of me isn’t here.”
“Have you and Wesley talked about everything? Your brother filled us in on all the drama surrounding finding out he was going to be a father. None of that could be easy for him or you.”
My mother hits every feeling I have out of the park every time. I fold myself to the floor and roll to a starfish position on my back. I look up at the ceiling fan rotating slowly above my head. “None of it is easy, Mom. Don’t get mad, but it’s fucking bullshit.”
“Hayley Evelyn. You know I don’t like that language, especially from you.”
“I know, but there’s no other explanation or way to describe it. Wes and I went from friends to lovers in the snap of a finger. Whoa. Sorry.”
I can hear a muffled chuckle from my mother. “It’s all right, darling. I know Wesley, and I also know that at a certain point I can’t bury my head in the sand about these things. Now, you and Wes did get together in a whirlwind. You, however, do have a nice advantage on other couples of your age. You have all this history. On day one, I’m willing to bet Wes cared more for your feelings and well-being than any other man in your life, besides your father and Eli.”
“I… I guess so.”
“I know so, sweetheart. That boy loves you with everything he has. Will that mean you won’t have bumps in the road? I’d love to say that it will, but it won’t. Anything worth having is worth working for.”
“Are you really giving me Dad’s motto about my love life?” I ask.
“If it applies, it applies. Hayley, in some respects you’re overthinking this. You have mountains to climb to be certain. Are you looking at the right ones?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re missing him yes. I missed your father like crazy too. Why is that?”
“Because we have so much to talk about. I’ve asked to meet Hannah so many times I’ve lost count. What is being hidden here? I mean, how hard is it to find an hour to get rid of the freaking elephant in the room?”
“Hayley, I think it’s very important that you meet Hannah as soon as possible. I do. What if it’s not the right time, until it is?”
“You’re so Buddha today. I feel like I’m being talked in circles. You just don’t understand.”
“You want to meet her, so she sees your face. You will be a real person then. You feel like the hidden one, not Hannah, right? You want to assert your place in Wesley’s life, and you feel like if the meeting doesn’t happen you’re kidding yourself that this is real. Is that right?”
I open my mouth and no words come. What does come are the tears, again. “Mom, I…”
“Honey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I know this is so stressful for you. I also can hear with all you’re not saying that you love him more than I could have imagined. He loves you just as much. I know he does. Have faith and trust that all things are going to happen in the time they are supposed to.”
“Is that what you told yourself with Dad?”
“We’re talking about two different things. The situation you have is unique and I can’t imagine how that must feel for you. I want to talk about it when I can sit next to you and hold you. The thing we do have in common is the love from the men in our life. Tell him you love him. Talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling. Only feelings spoken out loud can be addressed.
“Your father and I had several hard conversations on the phone. I think in the end it only made us stronger. The honesty didn’t make us miss or love each other less. It made us stronger.”
My mother has given me so much to think about my head is starting to hurt. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too. Now, pack a bag and ride home with your father after work tomorrow. I will make you your favorite dinner. We can do some spa time on Tuesday, and I promise I will let you meet your deadline. I just want to mother you for a while.”
“I’d like that, Mom. I would. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter 6
Dylan
My weekend working with Eli turned into a sixteen day straight stretch. First it was getting ALITE settled, then I had two other projects on deadlines the following week. They were for a couple of our top ten clients. I asked for the assignments. I knew what that would mean.
I worked three eighteen-hour days for the first client. I found myself stretching on the floor at home between calls or sometimes even when I was on one. Our dining area became my studio. I had the laptop on the table while I’d use the chair back as a bar for my ballet skill drills. This was easy to do with a headset on.
Other days, I would move to the kitchen counter. I could set up so the camera wouldn’t catch me in certain stretches while on camera. This was going to be the only way I could fit it all in. Most of my lunches were eaten while on the phone or in a teleconference with the client, going over my rough plans, until we finally came to an agreement.
The second client was not so easy. They were overseas, in London to be precise. There were mornings I had to get up at three in the morning just to be able to connect with them at all. I would be up for a couple hours, the sun would rise, Eli would get up, and I would go back to sleep until he was ready to leave. Then round two of my day would begin.
They liked most of my ideas, but they didn’t know what they wanted until they heard or saw it. I loved the challenge, but it definitely wasn’t my best work, even though they were happy. I could tell Eli and Skye weren’t happy though.