Hayley crawls back into bed and back into my arms. Her body wrapped in my sweatshirt is something I will never tire of. It’s like I’m claiming her when I’m not even there. She curls up under my chin as I fold her tiny body into my chest. “You okay?”
“I’m okay. Just out of it. I’m glad we took this time. I needed it to function.”
“I hate that’s where we are, Babe. We’re already to simply functioning. We should be going places, doing things, having sex three times a day because we can.”
“Can you?” she jokes.
“Very funny, Merlin.” I start to tickle her. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you laugh in …. a long time.”
“I laugh all the time. What are you talking about?”
“You haven’t though. I’ve been watching. I know you don’t think I pay attention. I do.”
“Wes, I don’t want to argue our bubble away. It won’t be long before it pops, and you’ll be gone again.”
“You know this time of year is busy as hell. It won’t be like this forever.”
“No. You’re right. Then it will be draft season is over and then we’re filling that space with parenting schedules, doctor appointments, drop off and pick up. I’m not saying that to sound selfish. That’s not what I mean. It’s just going to always be a trade-off and you and I will come second, third…last.”
“I feel like I ask you this in every conversation we have. What do you want me to do, Hayley? I don’t want to keep disappointing you.”
Hayley pulls the sleeves of my sweatshirt over her chilled hands. I can feel her forehead press deeper into my chest. “I wish you could understand. I wish you could feel what it’s like to be me in this situation. I wish I had the words.”
“Tell me in any way you can.”
“I have. Tell me how you want this to be. Maybe I’ll find my place that way.”
“Find your place? You don’t think you have one?” She shrugs her shoulders and starts chewing on the ends of her sleeves. “Really?”
“Meeting Hannah would go a long way, I think. I hope. I need it to happen, Wes. Please make it happen.”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll do what I can to make it a reality. What else can I do besides stay here in bed with you? Not that I mind, it’s just not practical.”
“Maybe I could work remote and come on your next trip with you? I can work when you have to be in negotiations or meetings, then we’d have nights together at least. It would be like here only somewhere else.”
“Do you think your boss and Eli would go for that?”
“I can talk to Eli. Logistically I think it will be fine. I don’t know if it’s ever been allowed for my department or for the junior level. My last name has to be good for something, right?”
I chuckle. “That was a bit of fireball. I’m glad it’s still in there. I was getting worried.”
“I’ll let you know if you need to worry. Right now, I don’t think either of us needs more. Do you?”
Chapter 8
Dylan
The magic of my birthday lingered into the weekend and even followed me to work on Monday. There was a new bouquet from Wes and Hayley on my desk this morning where the roses were last week. We made great use of them off the stems and on the floor and bed. I used to want to go out every weekend and now all I want to do is stay in with Eli.
I get a longing look from him when we part at my office. I’m mostly back to normal today. The shock of what Elyse is doing is starting to wear off. Now I’m more pissed than anything. Eli and I talked about it in the wee hours of Sunday morning. If worse comes to worse, we will tell Jack what happened and ask for his advice.
For now, we just play the game.
I don’t have any ALITE meetings this week so she shouldn’t have to stop in for anything. Eli is ready to lay the new restrictions on our Ms. Nordby at the drop of a hat. He’d have already done it if he didn’t think she was a completely loose cannon. For employed staff, the preapproved entrance policy on weekends is effective today. Not that this is a problem Eli said, but it will set the precedent for his next move.
I put all of that out of my head to prepare to present my revised pitch to my clients. They are the ones that Skye is most concerned about. The last few workdays, I’ve spent nearly all of it with critiques from colleagues and in back-and-forth conversations with my client contact. I think I’ve nailed it.
Skye has asked to review my work a day ahead. She does this with all juniors, just in case she sees something we don’t. For a long time she doesn’t say anything. That worries me. “You’re not talking. Should I pack my desk?” I ask.
She gives a half smile. “No. That wouldn’t happen. It’s better definitely. I’m just wondering…”
“Wondering what?”
“Wondering if this is truly the angle to take. I don’t feel like it’s a total divergence from what they had. One of the reasons they’re giving us a shot is because of our originality. This is much better, but I know you have more to give. Sleep on it tonight, give it your best go-around tomorrow then we will be ready for the meeting on Wednesday. You can do this.”
Can. Not did.
I know Eli and Skye asked me not to work so much. I just did. I sat with the campaign for about eighteen hours, mixed in with all my other work and fielding calls for ALITE on Tuesday. Eli had to pry my laptop away from me at home at like midnight and order me to bed. I was mad at first because I felt like a child. However, the going to bed part worked out well for both of us. It was equal parts quick and amazing. I slept like a rock in his arms.
When I wake on Wednesday, an instant wave of anxiety washes over me. I’ve never been so nervous to give a presentation. It went well. I think. I hope. Now all I can do is wait.
What I can’t wait to do, however, is rehearse. I haven’t been as good about my time in the studio lately. Where I was going for hours per day, I’ve scaled back to four times a week and then a lunchtime quickie if I can manage it. I feel sad about it and definitely out of shape. Eli tries to call bullshit but I know my body very well.
I don’t get on a scale, but I can see and feel changes. They’re subtle, but there. Dance is a way for me to feel in control and free. Maybe that is what I’m missing. I have dedicated studio time today. Hump day is my midweek break. Maybe I just need one balls-out session to bring me all the way back to feeling like me.
Like they say…no day like today.
Elijah
Wednesdays have become one of my favorite days of the week. The only thing I love about as much as making love to my wife is watching her dance. She has private studio time every Wednesday after her workday. She leaves the office around four in the afternoon then usually comes home to me sweaty, charged, and wholly spent after two solid hours of her feet pounding the hardwoods.
Today, I decide to leave my pile of work behind, like I’ve been encouraging her to do, to watch her in action. We had a synergy on the NYU campus. She could tell if I was near. I could tell what I would walk into with my hand on the doorknob. Since connecting with Jill, we’re both in a new environment. I can tell Dylan’s not fully comfortable with her surroundings yet. She’s getting there though. I hope today is the day she can once again leave it all on the floor.